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Denny: Imagine people looking out their windows and seeing Dick Cheney and Shirley Schmidt dancing on the balcony.
Alan: Well, if they're regular viewers, they know by now that anything goes.
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Paul: What's it like being Shirley?
Alan: The thong is a little uncomfortable. (Paul's eyes widen as he looks downward at Alan's torso.)
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Paul: Denny, it's supposed to be somebody you admire.
Denny: (dressed in camo hunting garb, shotgun over his shoulder) Anybody who can blast his friend in the face and get him to take the rap for it is my kind of citizen!
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Denny: Alan, you've got to help me dump Bella. I'm not good when it comes to breaking up with women. I'm too soft.
Alan: Denny, you shoot people!
Denny: I thought of that, but that would be illegal. Except in Florida.
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Denise: You can assume that any sex I'm having is safe, not that I'm having any separate and apart from you.
Brad: Are you sleeping with somebody else from this office? I'll not be made a fool of. Are you sleeping with somebody else from this office?
Denise: If you no longer want to sleep with me, that's fine. I'll miss it, but I'm not answering these questions.
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Denny: Shirley, Shirley, when the woman is unhappy, the man is rarely satisfied. I'll let you play with my gun. (leeringly)
Shirley: Your gun goes off too prematurely for me, Denny. It always has.
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Denny: I'm about to drop the big one for the little one.
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Brad: Could I get you to put your tongue back in your mouth there, soldier?
Alan: Thank goodness we have you, Brad, to keep track of our tongues. Would you like a list of the places mine has been this week?
Brad: Perv.
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Denny: It's gonna get ugly, Shirley.
Shirley: Denny Crane ugly.
Denny: Hmm-mm.
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Vanessa: I'm sure it's a long, very complicated answer, but what is your problem?
Alan: (chuckles) You're right. It's a long...very complicated answer.