Boston Legal

Melvin: Let me tell you a little about me and why I chose to represent Prominence Bank. Like any other credit card service, it's a business, sure. But it is a service. We help people who are short of cash. Help them make their rent so they don't get thrown out on the street. Help them make a car payment so they can get to work. Help them buy Christmas presents for their children during tough times. Alan: You're like Santa Claus...

Shirley: Denny, our whole case is his testemony. Denny: Who's? (Shirley, Brad and Denise look at him) Denny: Kidding...

Denny: Seriously, do I act like I'm the only one in the room? Alan: Denny, one of the things I love about you is when we talk, often it's as if you're not even in the room.

Alan: You know, we have a saying in Massachusetts, 'Maybe someday you'll get horribly sick and die'. Until then.

Denny: What are you doing in my office? Paul: This is my office, Denny. Denny: Oh, that must mean I've come to see you... why?

Denny: Denny Crane. My poop doesn't smell. Comes out in pretty colors, pastels. Denny Crane.

Frank: You attacked a man, cutting off his fingers. As someone who took an oath to uphold the law, yes, I take that personally. Brad: Good sound bite, Frank. Might want to save it for the cameras.

Denny: (to Shirley) It's not polite to talk about crazy people behind their backs.

Denny: (to Judge Brown) Judge, you're old. I'm old. Lock and load before we're dead.

Melissa: That was the single sexiest thing I've ever seen a man do. Alan: You should see me do it naked.

Alan: The credit card industry is essentially a pack of hyenas crunching on the bones of the poor.

Denny: We're talking juries. It always comes down to simple. And hey, there's nobody simpler than me.

Melissa: How's my hair? Does my hair work? Alan: It does appear to grow each month.

Shirley: (to Father Ryan) Do I dare ask where those three fingers have been prior to my client chopping them off?

Father Ryan: That's a cheap shot. Shirley: I've been known to take them.

Denny: I have an erection... It's a good sign. Let the trial begin. I'm ready.

Denny: Denny Crane. Shirley: That is not a legal defense.