Boston Legal

Denny: I must admit that the idea of a mother-daughter ménage à twaddle. Alan: I think you mean trois.

Jeffrey: Denny. Seen Shirley? Denny: Why? Jeffrey: She was gonna meet me. Denny: Why? Jeffrey: We had some business to discuss. Denny: What sort of business? Jeffrey: The kind that wasn't yours, actually. Denny: I told Alan, I'm telling you. Stay away from Shirley.

Renee: She loved me. Alan: Well, you made her laugh. Renee: I'm funny. Alan: Are you telling me this handwritten will is valid? Shelby: Completely. It turns out Ms Winger is also a lawyer. Renee: The plot thickens.

Shirley: When you came here I made one request, Jeffrey. One simple request, "Don't step on toes." Silly me for not adding, "Don't punch jaws."

Jeffrey: Bit of a weak stream you got going there. Get you prostate checked? Brad: What did you say to me? Jeffrey: Never mind. Brad: So what? You're gonna make fun of my flow now? Jeffrey: I'm sorry. It just seems a little lackluster. I would think a Marine would be a little more, "Hup! Two." (pause) You're gonna hit me, Brad? Brad: Oh, you'd just love that, wouldn't you? For me to sink to your level.

Denny: (to Claire) You said I'd like him. He's an attention-starved wacko, fairy. He couldn't kill anyone. Lincoln: I heard that! I'm getting tired of you, Large Marge. You remind me of Mr Dirty Mouth. That's what you do.

Denise: Excuse me. (she drags Alan away) I just wanted to tell you that what you said to me last night was truly... disgusting. Alan: Hm. And I assure you, Denise, I'm a man of my word.

Alan: Denise, you've always struck me as a woman who secretly longs to be debased. It's an awfully big job. But I feel I'm just the man to... do it. Denise: Don't stop. I'm curious to see just how low you'll go. Alan: All the way down. Again. And again. I see the filthy, naughty girl deep inside you, Denise, longing to get out. Now, if you're so unwilling to let her out. Perhaps I should go in after her. I brought my snorkel.

Det. Spindle: What's the infield fly rule? Lincoln: I haven't the slightest. Does it involve a zipper? Denny: (to Claire) I bet he's more familiar with a zipper than he is with baseball. Claire: (deadpan) Really?

Alan: Denise. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Shirley. I happen to know sometimes grief can trigger the libido. It's got something to do with death causing a biological need to propagate the species. Evidently after 9-11 people were running around like rabbits. Denise: Really? I did not know that. Alan: If I could ever be of service. To help you cope.

Denny: Well. Shall we pick up where we left off, my little friend? Bethany: Forget it. Denny: Why? Bethany: Because one of the rules I try to follow in my social life is, 'don't date guys who slept with my mother.'

Alan: Erica, before I pick up the phone, is there anything else I need to know? Erica: Like? Alan: Anything that could be construed as relevant. Erica: Well. We were lovers. (Jerry squeals) Alan: That would be relevant.

Jerry: My client proceeded to go hiking without her and returned, there was her friend hanging around the house. And when I say hanging, Alan, I mean like a pinyata.

Denny: The midget I'm dating could be my daughter.

Alan: Let me see your underwear Denise. Denise: Get out.

Bethany: I can get by that you're old. I can get by that you're old and gross. I can't get by that you had a history with my mother.

Jerry: You can do it. You can do it. Alan: Jerry do it now.

Denny: Gotta remember: Before I open my mouth, always look both ways for midgets. Alan: (chuckles) That's a good policy.

Bella: Our break up was very painful for me. Denny: Me too, twelve stitches.

Denny: When is the trial? Alan: Next Tuesday. Denny: Really? What time? Alan: 10.

Referring to Lincoln Denny: Seriously, he is a total fairy.

Shirley: You do realize that I am significantly older than you are. Jeffrey: Then be my significantly older other.

Shirley: I am a senior partner here. Jeffrey: You say that like it can get you laid. It can.