Judge Paul Resnick
Ivan: (to Shirley) I'm sorry. I lost a crown on my tooth last night. I was wondering whether perhaps you swallowed it.
Shirley: This isn't fair what you're doing to this girl.
Ivan: I have enormous affection for her. The sex is rewarding. I make her happy. All adds up to a workable equation.
Shirley: Your sense of romance is overwhelming.
Ivan: Come on, rehearsal dinners are meant to be silly. Let me take you back thirty years or so to ours.
Shirley: I don't relive past traumas.
Paul: Rachel, you're almost forty.
Rachel: Meaning what, time to grow up?
Paul: Meaning, perhaps when choosing men...
Rachel: Find one who won't walk out on me, yeah, well, you know what they say, girls look to marry their fathers...
Missy: Shirley, may we speak as girlfriends for a second?
Shirley: I met you this morning.
Missy: (about the bridesmaid dress) What do you think?
Shirley: I'm curious about your thoughts, if they involve me putting that on in this life time...
Shirley: Tell me. What brought you two together?
Missy: Well, I'd have to say, church. Also his sense of humor. Did he make you giggle?
Shirley: Only in bed.
Judge: Do you two have prior relationship?
Douglas Koupfer: Yes, Your Honor. When I was in private practice, Mr. Shore hacked into my client's corporate files and then blackmailed him.
Alan: Successfully. You left that out.
Paul: (about his daughter) She basically stole from me.
Paul: You name it. She'd feign problems with rent. Her health. Credit card debt. She'd invent all kinds of crisis to impel me to write a check, the proceeds of which would always go to feed her drug habit. The last straw, I got her in a program, an exclusive one, I told her if she left she was cut off.
Shirley: She left?
Paul: We had a fight. I haven't spoken to her since. That was seven years ago.
Shirley: You should go see her. Let's list all the reason not to and put them under column A.
Paul: And column B?
Shirley: She's your daughter...
Paul: So why not do it? Be in his wedding.
Shirley: An ex-wife as a best man? Come on, Paul.
Paul: But if you're as close as you say, and the fiance is okay with it.
Shirley: There's also a rehearsal dinner. He wants me there at that.
Paul: All I know is when someone asks you to be in his wedding... How many has he had?
Shirley: This one will be number six.
Ivan: I have only known two great loves in my life. You. And now Missy.
Shirley: Okay. As far as our great love goes, you strayed during our honeymoon. And let's not even discuss the name Missy. Is she a pony?
Ivan: Shirley, I'd like you to be best man.
Shirley: What do you mean?
Ivan: If a man wants his closest friend to be his best man he should have it. Stand by my side Shirley. I want you to give me away. It's only right.
Shirley: Uh, first of all you raise several issues. The first is that the best man doesn't give the groom away. The second is that you and I used to be married and the third is I'm not a man!
Ivan: This time It's real, Shirley. I feel it deep down to my...
Shirley: Bone, I'm sure.
Ivan: She's funny, she's smart. She's practically you, just a much younger model.
Shirley: Aw, that's sweet.
Ivan: That is some fine South of the border Schmidt.
Ivan: Take me back Shirley, that's all I ask.
Shirley: You came here to ask me to take you back?
Ivan: No actually, I'm getting married.
Original International Air Dates:
Slovakia: October 6, 2010 on JOJ
Music: "Thanks Again" and "The world goes 'round" by Georgia Murray, "Something Good" from The Sound of Music, and "Life is Wonderful" by Jason Mraz.
Douglas Koupfer played by Adam Arkin mentioned that he and Alan had a history together. This is indeed true for Arkin and James Spader as Arkin had appeared in The Practice episode The Chosen when Spader was a regular in that show. However Arkin plays a different character here in Boston Legal than the one he portrayed in The Practice.
Missy (singing): Anybody could be that guy...
Ivan: Mamma Mia...
Mamma Mia! is a musical with a book by British playwright Catherine Johnson, based on the songs of ABBA, composed by Benny Andersson and Björn Ulvaeus. It is an example of a jukebox musical, and is notable for popularising the genre.
When Missy goes into her annoying "snort laugh", Ivan says tragic things to get her to stop. One of the things he says is "Bill Buckner". Bill Buckner played first base for the Boston Red Sox in the 1986 World Series and made an infamous fielding error during a critical moment of game 6 that contributed to the Red Sox losing that game and ultimately the series to the New York Mets.
Shirley: Am I being Punk'd?
Punk'd is the Aston Kutcher Candid Camera-esque show that plays absurd pranks on celebrities and films it.
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