Boston Legal Season 3 Episode 12

Alan: Isn't there anybody you know?
Denny: I can't get anybody. I called Tom DeLay -- his number's disconnected. Foley's got his hands full. Frist said don't take it personally. I called Clarence Thomas. All of a sudden, he's indisposed.
Alan: Did you try going all the way to the top?
Denny: Cheney? (Alan nods)

Alan: Denny, I'm not sure I've ever told you this but I truly love America. I would never consider living anywhere else. But this country is only two hundred years old. It's a work in progress. Especially lately.
Denny: Alright, Mr. Smarty Pants. You get to change one thing. What is it?
Alan: Get rid of all stores that end with 'Mart.'

Alan: We have geniuses in this country. True pioneers of innovation. Steve Jobs, Steven Wozniak, Steve Balmer...if we could just round up some of our best Steve's!

Alan: The 9/11 commission, they dumped on you pretty good didn't they?
Linwood Winchell: Somewhat.
Alan: Somewhat?! A 'D' in port security, an 'F' in improving communications for verse responders a 'D' in border security, an 'F' in aviation security, a 'D' in chemical plant security. These aren't passing grades Mr. Winchell.

Denny: This country works Alan. You democrats don't want to admit it. Oh I'm not saying there aren't kinks! Foam chips off the occasional space craft, we start the odd war on false pretenses, but by and large...America works! That's why I'm completely nuts about it.

Alan: Everyone here is named Denny Crane. These are just the ones within driving distance, of course, since airplane travel is not an option.