-
Alan: You reminded me of that other America out there. Who teaches them their values?
Denny: Well, for fidelity and family, uh, we have Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart. For heterosexuality and keeping with God's will, we have Ted Haggard. For gambling, we have Bill Bennett. And for guns, Dick Cheney.
-
Denny: I'm all for gay rights. But letting them marry? Do we really want them to have children together? I mean, two biologically gay parents? Imagine what kind of an army we would have, other than a happy one.
-
Alan: But to deny an entire class of people one of their basic, individual freedoms—
Denny: Alan, you're talking about marriage, an institution with sacred vows, ones which we live up to almost 50% of the time. It's a sanctity.
-
Judge Clark Brown: I don't like the way the one on the left is looking at me.
Denny: Your Honor, that's the one with angry bowel.
-
Alan: Shame on you! You could have at least offered a money-back guarantee and thrown in a blender.
-
Denny: We're making a mistake with this case.
Alan: How so?
Denny: There are at least two Americas, maybe more. There's your America: liberal, progressive, and open-minded about alternative lifestyles. Then there is the other America...that still thinks homosexuality is a disease. We need to try this case in that America.
-
Brad: What am I gonna do?
Jeffrey: Brad, one of us is going to be a father.
-
Judge Gloria Weldon: You are suggesting something that could get us both disbarred.
Alan: Yes. But on the upside, I could tell you how bad you're being. And as I recall, Your Honor, you like being a bad girl.
-
Denise: You have a smart response for every situation, don't you?
Claire: Most of them.
-
Judge Gloria Weldon: You better respect this robe, Alan.
Alan: Oh, I assure you, I've already placed it—and all its contents—atop the highest of pedestals.
-
Judge Clark Brown: I will not take this lying down!