Boston Legal

Bev: Hello, Brad. Brad: Barry's feeling better? I mean, he doesn't walk or move or anything, but he's breathing on his own. I didn't exactly win the case, but "All's well, that end's well". So we're square. Bev: I'll tell you when we're square, Brad...

Alan: You know, Marissa, not smiling has its benefits. You don't give your thoughts away so easily. It's a great advantage in card playing. Marissa: That's funny. But... I'd rather fit in. Alan: Have you ever heard of a Greek philosopher named Epictetus? Marissa: No. Alan: He was a funny man with a certain flare for life. Epictetus compared people who "fit in" to the white threads of a toga. Indistinguishable. He wanted to be the purple thread. "That small part which is bright, and makes all the rest appear graceful and beautiful. Why then...", he asked, "do you tell me to make myself like the many? And if I do, how shall I still be purple?" Marissa: Sometimes being purple is kind of a pain.

Alan: Trying to get a young girl into the Adams Academy. Denny: The one Miss Gloomy Gerta there? Alan: She's not gloomy. Denny: Oh, pulled a coin out of her ear, she didn't even laugh. There's something wrong with that girl. Alan: That is the acid test. Denny: You're a little Gloomy Gerta yourself, aren't you? Alan: I don't know how I'm gonna get her in. The entire legal system sits squarely on the other side. Denny: You are missing the whole point. Alan: Which is? Denny: The concept of private. Private doesn't operate by the law. Private operates above the law. Like, like Greek gods. Hovering above the earth on their own private mountain. Now Greek gods broke the rules and the laws, but the one thing they respect was power and influence. And Alan, if all else fails, and you think you've lost, pretend you've won! Works for our president.

Mr. Treemont: Mr. Shore, our school has been sued several times. Never successfully. Alan: You know what they say, Lester. You never forget your first time.

Alan: Mr. Treemont, Marissa has a disability, and you and your institution are discriminating against her. Mr. Treemont: Mr. Shore, that is not true. But even if it were true... as a private school we have every right to discriminate against a disabled student. As a private school, we aren't bound by the I.D.E.A. and neither parents nor students have any recourse to challenge denial of service. Alan: Oh my God. You're a lawyer! Mr. Treemont: Yes. Several of us are. Alan: Let me tell you two things about myself. I too am a lawyer. I can be painfully vindictive and I do not play fair. Mr. Treemont: That's three things. Alan: See? Not playing fair already.

Mr. Treemont: For whatever reasons, Marissa simply did not meet our standards. Perhaps she just needs a year of maturing... Alan: Maturing? She's ready for retirement.

Paul (about Bev): That woman's influence on this firm is increasing daily. Brad: Well, at least the case won't go to court. They've agreed to arbitration. Once the arbitrator sees the evidence, he'll rule to pull the plug and that'll be that. Paul: You'd better hope he doesn't. Brad: Come again? Paul: Brad, since your attempt to bribe Denny's fiance to leave him failed so miserably, we must now stay on her good side lest she tell Denny. You have to win the case quickly and quietly. Brad: It's like Friggin Shakespeare around here...

Brad: Denny? I'm a partner. It's a cat. Denny: You're exactly right, Brad. I wouldn't trust an associate with a case this important. This is Bev's cat. That guy in there? Bev's fourth husband. Mattress Majesty. Worth millions. Troubling thing about America. Anybody can grow up and be rich. Brad: Denny, still. It's a cat. Denny: Barry Manilow is not just a cat. Brad: What? Denny: Barry Manilow. Cat's full name. Brad: Even better. Denny: Barry Manilow is Bev's cat. And if it matters to Bev, then I, Denny Crane, have to pretend that it matters to me.

Bev: I will not allow you to destroy my Barry! Howard: The cat is dead. The animal is a vegetable. Brad: Guys... Howard: Nature has spoken. When it's your time, it's your time. Bev: Says the man with the pacemaker and the prosthetic balls.

Shirley: Denise, I understand you're going through some difficulties in your personal life. Denise: Uhm, yeah, it's hard, but I'll get through it. Shirley: From what I know about you, when things get tough you prefer to bury yourself in your work. Allow me to provide you with a shovel.

Phyllis: I'm trying to get her into the Adams Academy for a fresh start. The admissions director was so excited to meet her! Then he met her and she didn't smile. And that was that. And these private schools have become so competitive, they don't need to let anyone in who isn't "perfect". Alan: When I was in school the closest I ever came to that appellation was to be called a "perfect" bastard.

Phyllis: I need your help. You used to say that I could come to you for anything. Alan: I meant sexually.