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    • (After Bethany sneaks up on Denny again) Denny: I gotta get that woman a pair of squeaky shoes.
    • Denny: She dumped you? Alan: Well, I think we're looking for different things. Denny: What are you looking for? A serious relationship? Alan: Don't be silly. I'm already involved with you. Denny: You're damn right.
    • Alan: (to Sally) When you just jump up and leave, it makes me feel cheap, devalued, skanky.
    • (Alan bumps into Barbara) Alan: Hmm. Hello. Barbara: Could you... excuse me please. Alan: Have we met? Barbara: No. Alan: Would you like to meet? (Denise walks up to Barbara) Denise: Barbara, we need to prep your testimony. Barbara: This man is hitting on me.
    • Claire: Did you know this, Lincoln Meyer was watching you? Scott: She told me about him. How she had a restraining order against him. She thought he was sick. Pedophile or something. (Lincoln stands) Lincoln: Objection. Judge Cooper: Mr Meyer...
    • Jeffrey: Denise, I... How engaged are you? Denise: (pause) Very.
    • Jeffrey: Did Mrs Hooper have a crush on you? You told Claire Simms that. Something about transference. The victim had developed a crush on you. Dr Simon: Transference sometimes occurs. Jeffrey: Yeah, 'cause your kinda hard to resist, I bet.
    • (After Jeffrey objects) Judge Cooper: I ask you, sir, to take your seat. (Lincoln stands and claps his hands) Lincoln: Atta boy, judgie boy. Judge Cooper: Mr Meyer, your next interruption lands you in a jail cell. Lincoln: (softly) So dramatic.
    • (About post-sex) Denny: Wait a second, you want her to talk to you after. Alan: Yes. Denny: But that would make you the girl. (Alan laughs) I don't even like to talk to them before.
    • (After they had sex) Sally: Your heart's good, right? You get yearly physicals? Alan: You think you'd kill me? Sally: Wouldn't look good on my resume.
    • Brad: Ask me, I don't think this Jeffrey Coho's all that hot. Paul: Brad... You're threatened by him. Brad: Oh, not threatened. Just that everybody makes him out to be this superstar and so far I'm not seeing it.
    • Lincoln: (to Jeffrey in the middle of a trial) That's what you get Mr Dirty Mouth. Mr Lawyer Man Dirty Pants. Judge Cooper: Mr Meyer, sit down or I will have you removed.
    • Denny: I think I have Mad Penis.
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