Boston Legal

Brad: I have an idea. I realize I haven't been partner for very long, so let me ask you both. How much discretion would I have to make this Bev problem go away? Shirley: No chopping off fingers. Paul: No violence of any kind. Brad: None, I promise. Shirley: Then you have as much discretion as you need.

Shirley: What happened to the sandwich guy? Denny: Uh, Bev fired him. Shirley: Bev doesn't work here. Denny: Well, then I fired him. Shirley: Denny, I thought we agreed you wouldn't fire anyone after you let Vicky Donchey go. Denny: She wasn't pulling her weight. Shirley: She was a client!

Catherine: Do you wanna talk more now? I was gonna catch up with the girls in word processing. Alan: Oh, okay. Why don't you do that? Catherine: But don't worry. I'll be here. I've cleared my schedule. This gets top priority. Alan: As it should, given you're facing 25 to life.

Denise: What happened to Jackie Hayden was a nightmare, but to blame the HMO, there was a supervening act. Technically, well benefits didn't break the law. Alan: But there was a foreseeable danger. There are consequences in this case, dire consequences to putting someone's most personal information on the internet. Well benefits should have known that. I say we clobber them over the head with it. Denise: This is why people don't ask your opinion a lot. Alan: Most likely.

Store Owner: Do you know how many times I have been held up this year? Alan: Far too many to appreciate her little prank, I'm sure... May I ask if that's your car out front, the Datsun with the dents in the side? Store Owner: Yeah... Alan: I have a friend who... has a friend, he's a magician with body work. He'll make those dents disappear, change the color, he'll make that Datsun look exactly like a late model BMW. Store Owner: Can he... make the seats look like... leather? Alan: The man's a miracle worker!

Alan: So how are you doing? Denise: Fine. Alan: I have a rabbi friend with a small gambling problem who, when he hears someone say they're fine, he always asks again until they say something--other than 'fine.' So, how are you doing?

Alan: I always feel slightly sick to my stomach when I work alone in the office late at night. Denise: I thought you liked being alone. Alan: Oh I love being alone. I just prefer to be alone when there's other people around.

Alan: (to Denny) Ah, there you are. I've hardly seen you this episode.