Boston Legal

Gracie Jane opens the show with a tirade denouncing the defendant in the case of the murdered wife of Judge Hooper's. Paul catches Bethany under Denny's desk a la Monica Lewinsky. (Denny is wearing a bathrobe.) "My reputation's ruined!" cries Bethany.
On their third date, with Dr. Simon expecting to get lucky, Claire reveals to him the real reason she's been so willing to let him lech at her. Doofus knew she was a lawyer and still didn't catch on. She reminds him he is the only reason Scott Little is on trial is that Simon revealed patient records to the cops. And now he claims privilege in refusing to show Little's (and Judge Hooper's) records. Simon refuses to be blackmailed and tells Claire he will bury her.
Jerry is meeting with Alan about defending a lawsuit filed against him by a fired at-will employee whose only failing was being a scientologist. Enter defense counsel Sally Heep, looking as hot as ever and drawing admiring glances from both Alan and Brad.
Jeffrey offers Little a chance to avoid the trial by obtaining a plea agreement, murder 2, 8 to 12 years; reminding him that murder 1 means life. Scott turns it down, insisting on his innocence. The approach to the courthouse is a media circus, one reporter even tramping through a fountain pool in order to keep a good vantage point. Scott's parents confront each other, but Denise scoots his mother out of earshot of any reporters before she can be heard. Meanwhile ADA Winant is visibly shaken with the new knowledge that one of his key witnesses, Dr. Simon, has possibly compromised the case by tipping his hand to the defense. "I'll be the best witness you've ever had", promises Simon.
Denise effectively cross-examines Det. Richmond by establishing that the police stopped looking for other suspects after seeing Dr. Simon's video of Scott admitting he fantasized about killing Mrs. Hooper; that there is no evidence that Scott was in the house at the time of death; and that they only checked alibis of the two men they knew Mrs. Hooper had slept with, but did not seek to identify other lovers.
Alan laughs at Sally's $1,000,000 demand based on her client's supposed difficulty explaining his short term of employment to his next employer. She reminds him that "freedom of religion -- it's one of the biggies." Alan suggests a wager involving winner and loser licking maple syrup from each other. Knowing Alan, she doesn't even bat an eye: "See you in court."
Denny happens upon Jerry in the mens' room: "Didn't we fire you?" Jerry laments the impending loss of his fledgling law firm, but Alan reassures him that won't happen -- even though the other three lawyers he consulted before Alan told him so.
Douglas Karns gives testimony that Jerry referred to scientology as "Yuck"; and although admitting he discussed it at work, he did no proseletyzing. On cross, Alan leads him into describing some of the tenets of Scientology: the 13 trillion aliens exiled to earth by an evil galactic warlord named Zenu 75 million years ago and vaporized, leaving their souls to infect earthlings with engrams that lead to all of mankind's ills, including religion, disease, and psychiatry; the process of ridding oneself of engrams by enlightening in stages and passing over the Bridge to Total Freedom; and the auditing at each stage by a senior Scientologist hooking one to an electropsychometer, thankfully a painless process. (Other portions of this hilarious exchange are found in the "all quotes" section.)
Outside the Little courtroom, Denny propositions Gracie Jane, requesting just "ten minutes of chubby sex". Judge Hooper testifies how he obtained the recording of Little's confession to Dr. Simon and describes how he feared for his wife's safety, but never got to discuss it with her because she was dead when he arrived home at 11:00. He feigns being shaken, allowing Winant to request a recess, during which Jeffrey and Denise argue about the wisdom of cross-examining Hooper. Jeffrey insists they must, as he is a viable suspect.
Jerry confides to Alan that his preparation for his testimony was based on questions he supplied for Patty to ask him, Patty the inflatable doll, that is. Jerry recalls that Joanne the sex surrogate told him that one day he might get to interact with a real-life Patty, and Jerry takes this to mean Sally Heep. Alan fails to see any physical resemblance between the two.
Sally's cross of Jerry does not go well for him as he stumbles over her questions regarding which wacky religious beliefs he would tolerate in an attorney in his firm. Alan offers some of his typically ludicrous objections in an attempt to derail this line of questioning. Then he privately tells Jerry that their only chance at success is to broadly attack all religion, not only Scientology. "We're not bigots, are we?"
During Claire's cross of Judge Hooper, she asks why he wasn't concerned about his wife's long-standing professional relationship with Little if he considered Little to be unstable. (THAT is why Jeffrey didn't object when Hooper characterized him as unstable under direct!) Hooper admits to casually going out to dinner alone, even stopping by his chambers (no witnesses) before returning home at 11:00, instead of rushing home early to engage his wife in a discussion that he claimed was important to him. Then Claire throws the grenade: "Did you kill your wife?" Gasps and murmuring in the courtroom before he lamely denies it.
Alan's final argument is masterful. He rightly enumerates all of the crimes against humanity that have been done and continue to be done in the name of religion. "Enough with this freedom of religion crap. Yuck, yuck, yuck!" "Yes, I know, I'll get letters."
Jeffrey's cross of Lincoln became heated after he showed the jury the slide of Lincoln's flowers on the table beside Mrs. Hooper's bed. Lincoln doesn't remain composed when Jeffrey characterizes him as a pervert. Now the jury has two possible killers to choose from besides Little.
After the verdict is announced in Jerry's favor, he jumps up and thanks the jury before the judge has a chance to do so. He also thanks Alan for his continued kindness. It turns out that Sally did go for Alan's lascivious wager and she presents him with a bottle of maple syrup and the demand "You lick." Unfortunately for Jerry, his courage to approach Sally bolstered by his win is ill-timed. He finds Alan is already with her in "comfortable" attire.
Scott's father offers some potentially devastating testimony regarding the discovery of Scott pleasuring himself while looking at a photo of his naked mother. Jeffrey gets an adjournment, but the feeling on the defense team now is that the case is doomed.
On the terrace, Alan and Denny lament that they are not front and center in the high profile Hooper murder case. But, Denny reminds, "We've still got it." "What is it again?" "Young girls", says Alan.