Tom Guthrie convinces Bret to help hide his wounded friend from a bloodthirsty U.S. Marshall and his ill-tempered posse. Unfortunately, the wounded "friend" just happens to be Billy The Kid and at the same time, Bret is having the whole town out to his ranch for an old-fashioned barn-raising party.moreless
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Mary Lou Springer
Sheriff Mitchel Dowd
Billy the Kid
Terrible Fred McShane
Jack The Bartender
Bret: I don't know why ya keep goin' on and on about it, I didn't burn it down, you know.
Cy: Well, you might as well have. Look at that, there's not a decent timber in the bunch. Hell, back in '56 we'd a started from scratch.
Bret: We're not back in '56 and the only thing they start from scratch now is cake. So you better get settled with that Berklee-builded barn, 'cause that's what it's gonna be.
Cy: Mail-order monstrosity marrin' my spread.
Bret: It's not your spread. It's mine now, remember?
Bret: Now look, somebody's gotta go over this Berklee invoice, make sure all the pieces are there; and I gotta get squared with that...what's his name at the general store...so...you..you gonna sit there and stew...you gonna make yourself useful?
Cy: You call yourself a rancher. (grabs invoice and Bret rides off)...Left, left barn door, header number 29. North wall, footing number 46, 29, 46, 67...probably even got the jackass nails numbered!
McShane: Boy, I don't even take my guns off to honeyfuggle. Now, do I get to slake my thirst...or do you start keepin' company with them cemetery gophers?
Bar Boy: Ain't for me to say, sir.
McShane: Then let's leave it up to the man behind the bottle. (strides up to the bar) Bartender! (pulls out gun and money) This here is my gun...and this here is my green. Now which of 'em you wanna see me start usin' first?
Philo: Man cuts a wide swath for himself, hey, Duke?
Duke: Claims he's Terrible Fred McShane...The Butcher...wanted in more territories than there are states!
Rodney: Well, I wouldn't worry myself over it, the barn raisin' oughta go just fine.
Bret: I know, but somehow the thought of half a town crawlin' around my ranch with hammers in their hands just doesn't set well on my nerve.
Rodney: Well, you know, you saved the town a whole lotta money by exposin' that railroad con. They're just tryin' to show their appreciation is all.
Bret: Yeah, but all that good will comin' my way, it...tends to make me jumpy.
Rodney: Well, you keep sayin' how you just wanna settle down. Say, is it, is it true what it says here...that you knew John Derringer personal and that you taught him how to cheat at cards?
Bret: Rodney, don't you have some work to do over at the paper?
Cy: You're a friend of Billy The Kid?
Bret: Yeah, I just knew that stranger scratchin' around Duncan's smelled like the law! When you go into business with some men you just got no idea what's gonna come bustin' up through the floor boards. You might a mentioned that you were tight with the most wanted man in ten territories!
Tom: Well, if I wasn't before, I guess I am now.
Bret: Is that supposed to make some sense, Guthrie? 'Cause I spent too much a my life tryin' to pry myself loose from local lockups and...look for steady accommodations in the Federal prison.
Tom: Marshal Mondragon and his men should be movin' in two or three days.
Tom: You know him?
Bret: Oh, well, this gets riper by the second! Tom...Tom, there's only two men this side a New Orleans that make my palms sweat and Phillip Mondragon is both of 'em!
Mary Lou: Well, your office is in New Mexico, and considering his escape story in the Santa Fe Mercury last month...Well, I would say that you were after William Bonney himself. (the Marshal and his deputies look uncomfortable) Thank you very much, gentlemen. (Mary Lou leaves)
Dowd: Is that true, Marshal?
Mondragon: Beech, get after her. I don't like women who think faster than they can talk.
Dowd: Now wait just a damn minute! This is still my town and it's my job to know what goes on here, if you...
Mondragon: Your town can burn in hell for all I care! When William Bonney escaped, he just happened to shoot the last friend I had worth knowin'. And Governor Wallace agrees, that boy's hangin' is long overdue. Now, God help you, Dowd, if your shadow so much as falls in my way.
Philo: I'm holding the conchos on one of the deadliest men that ever crawled out from under a rock and all mon-dragon here can say is "Oh?"
Tom: You could get hurt here, Sandeen.
Philo: I could get rich here, Guthrie.
Mondragon: Just what is it exactly you think you know, friend?
Philo: You send your toady to back me up, and you'll find out quick enough. Now, do we have a deal or not?
Mondragon: I'm always open to negotiation.
Tom: Be a waste of time, Marshall, Sandeen here wouldn't know the truth if it reached out and cut his throat.
Mondragon: I would say there's something of a liar in every one of us - would you agree, Mr. Guthrie?
Bret: Are you boys on some sort of official visit or you just bust down my doors to be sociable?
Lester: I'd keep my mouth shut was I you, mister.
Doc Vetter: What's going on here, Maverick?
Bret: You got me, but from the look of their cheap clothes and their bad manners, I'd say they're some kinda law.
Tom: I don't need a wiseacre right now, friend, so unless you got somethin' on your mind...
Bret: No, no. There's nothin' special. I just thought maybe that..uh..Billy reminded you of someone in there, friend.
Tom: Nobody in particular.
Bret: Ah, Billy sounded like he lost the best thing he ever found there, didn't he?
Tom: I guess he did.
Bret: 'Course, you and I know that there's no percentage in revenge, don't we, Tom? 'Course, I thought somebody oughta tell him.
Tom: Be a waste a breath. He wouldn't listen. I know I didn't.
(shots ring out and they take cover)
Bret: I got one pistol on the right.
Tom: Another one in these trees over here. I say we go for 'em at the count of three.
Bret: Three? How about ten?
Philo: There's no need to involve me in this. This is the man you want.
Cy: Terrible Fred Mc-who?
Philo: McShane. McShane. You know, The Butcher.
Cy: Never heard of him.
Tom: I still say we throw 'em in the lake...like that (tied up)...see if they can float.
McShane: Oh, my God.
Philo: Maverick, you know it's bad medicine to harm a blood brother, and drowning is frowned on by the entire Comanche nation.
Bret: And I suppose comin' out here and shootin' some daylight in me qualifies you for an eagle feather or two, eh, Squatting Bear?
Philo: Standing Bear!
Bret: Did you really take down that bank?
McShane: I did make a withdrawal.
Philo: Now, don't go shy on me, Terrible Fred, tell 'em how you didn't even need to draw your gun.
McShane: But it was an exchange for a store I sold 'em.
Bret: A store!? What kinda store?
Tom: What else? Remember the man's handle? Terrible Fred...
McShane: The Butcher! Well...you just try hackin' meat from boyhood. I spent more time inside a cows than calves do. Old biddies yakkin' about scale weight, wearin' a filthy apron. What kind of a man wears an apron? Damn it, I wanted to be somebody! So I sold out and I came west to make a name for myself.
Cy: I'm beginnin' to like Tom's idea about the lake more every second.
Tom: Looks like Mary Lou...alone.
Bret: Oh, and here I thought the party didn't start till tomorrow.
Bret: Say I'm willing to give you the exclusive Bret Maverick interview...from cradle to grave, so to speak? Oughta be good for at least a book.
Mary Lou: I'll take ten minutes with Bonney to a year of Bret Maverick. Does that put it in perspective for you?
Bret: Well, a lesser man would've been hurt by that, but...since there's no reasoning with you...
Tom: Being hunted is not a game.
Mary Lou: Tom, I'm...
Tom: Newspapers! You can't wait to turn some farm boy into an outlaw, can you? Come here. You want to meet Billy the Kid, the dangerous outlaw? (drags her into where Billy is sleeping peacefully) How old do you figure him to be...19...maybe 20? You think a good story is worth the price of his life?
Bret (referring to Philo and McShane): I'll see that nobody wanders off until you get a day's ride out.
Tom: I appreciate your help, Bret.
Bret: You ought to. (Tom grins)
Mondragon: Well, Bret Maverick.
Bret: Marshall Mondragon.
Mondragon: Just how long has it been would you say?
Bret: Well, I don't know. I haven't exactly been countin' the days.
Mondragon: Well, that's a pity. I have.
Bret: Well, now that's funny. I always thought your specialty was countin' the notches in your gun.
Mondragon: It still is.
Mondragon: I wanna look at your house just now.
Bret: Why you wanna do that? It's just your basic board box with a...few sticks of furniture to keep the draft down. Mondragon: I got a yen to see where a snake goes to dig its final hole.
Bret: I'm surprised to see you around here, Marshall. I thought you, uh, only made widows in New Mexico now.
Mondragon: For a chance to put a rope around you, Maverick, I'd travel further than that.
Tom: Now what? Do we wait for everyone to go home and try to break through?
Bret: Aw, we do that, he's gonna come tearin' down through here like Sherman on his march to the sea. No, we gotta make our move now. I figure a variation of the old shell game is about the best shot we got.
Tom: How's that?
Bret: Well, with Billy as the prize, he won't wanna take a chance on splittin' his men so I figure we gotta make him...make a choice of which shell the pea is under and hope he comes up empty.
Tom: And if he doesn't?
Bret: That's why I'll take him in my wagon. You can run as a decoy.
Tom: No. I dragged you into this. It should be my worry, not yours.
Mary Lou: (Mary Lou) Mondragon is back up on the hill.
Bret: We're already past the headlines, Mary Lou. And I don't have time to argue with ya, Tom. You're so worked up over this thing, you're liable to start shootin' by the time you get past the front gate. So since I'm...dealin' the cards, I wanna call the game, okay?
Mondragon: Well...well, Maverick. Gonna be a real pleasure...turnin' the key on you.
Bret: Well, it's a shame it's not gonna be yours, Marshal.
Mary Lou: Well, if Maverick's Pappy were around, he'd probably say something like "The best place to hide the pea is under the table".
Ramon Bieri is credited but doesn't appear.
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