Pappyism: If the Lord had more respect for money he woulda given it to a better class of people.
Bret: We can't lose. (grabs money) I better take that. Look, they love you country boys in the big city. Don't give it away while we're gone, boys. Time to heed fortune's call.
Tom: Sure am glad he's settled down.
Barney: Now what's the matter?
Kenneth: I didn't like the way he said that.
Barney: So, what're you gonna do, Kenneth? Ride ahead and shoot the man just 'cause you don't like his looks?
Kenneth: I didn't say that, Barney.
Barney: No, you didn't. You didn't say anything yesterday either when you shot that little boy's dog back there...runnin' alongside barkin' at you.
Kenneth: It was a stupid dog.
Barney: You woulda shot the little boy, too, if I hadn't a stopped ya...
Tom: "Don't worry about it, Tom." "Leave it to me, Tom." "I've already taken care of it, Tom." "Trust me, Tom!"
Bret: This is no time for that, Tom.
Bret: Hallie McCulloch! The dirty-rotten, thievin', no-good miserable, lowdown little butcher bird.
Tom: A friend a yours?
Bret: That she-weasel is no friend a mine. And don't you worry, Tom, we're gonna get our money back...with interest.
Tom: Oh, I know you will. Because if you don't, this old country boy's gonna pound you into a post hole. (Bret chuckles) Trust me.
Hallie: You unspeakable roach! What the hell is all this?
Bret: This, Hallie? What "this"?
Hallie: Your really vicious, rotten, low behavior in the tea room and your really incredible crust! I have known some pretty stinking people in my life...
Bret: I thought you had.
Hallie: Let me tell you once more, Bret Maverick, I am a lady, damn it! And when I am having a quiet cup of tea with a gentleman friend and you come crashing in like a cow...
Bret: Hallie, you're about as much a lady as Big Nose Kate and you weren't having a saucer of tea, you were gonna use my money to set up a tired, old con that could be seen through by a blind man's dog.
Hallie: Bret, honey...
Bret: Oh yes, darlin'.
Hallie: What do you say...double or nothin'?
Bret: Sweetheart, you ain't got double.
Hallie: You look strange, Bret...like you been eatin' well, sleepin' good too.
Bret: Yeah, well, I've been spendin' a lotta my time these days just takin' it easy. I got a little ranch about 80 miles from here. I'm raisin' bulls now.
Hallie: Honey, you don't know bulls from meadow muffins, and if you're thinkin' 'bout gettin' rich off of 'em, forget it.
Bret: Rich isn't everything.
Hallie: It beats the hell out of whatever's in second place.
Hallie: (responding to Bret's Pappyism) And my own Mama used to say, "Money can't buy happiness, but it sure can rent it."
Barney: You shouldn't a done that ticket seller in Tucson that a way.
Kenneth: He told us he bought a ticket to Sweetwater, didn't he? And that ain't nothin' compared to what I'm gonna do to her.
Barney: Money before vengeance, Kenneth. Money before vengeance. Numbers 32, verse ...ah, forget the verse.
Kenneth: If she's still hidin' behind that Maverick, well, just don't expect no mercy from me.
Barney: Yeah, I know, I know. Mercy is not what you do best.
Bret: Now, what are you doin' here?
Hallie: Well, to be quite honest about it...
Bret: Oh, McCulloch, you never been honest with me.
Hallie: And I've always felt terrible about it later. That's really why I came. I couldn't get over how nice you were in Tucson. Stingy, yes, but sweet. I kept askin' myself, "Why can't I be nice?"
Bret: I give up. Why?
Hallie: All that stuff you were talkin' about in Tucson...about slowing down, and rocking chairs on the front porch...well, I guess it just got to me, Bret. And you made Sweetwater sound like such a dear little town.
Bret: And it is a dear little town, but it's my dear little town. I saw it first. Nice try, Hallie, but no cigar.
Bret: Turn the water off, Hallie. Your tears haven't bothered me since Atlanta.
Mary Lou: Well, it's just difficult to come right out and ask you about your wife. (Brett just stares) Th-the woman across the street in the hotel.
Bret: That woman is just poison to a well. Well, you can put away your cow faces because there's not a word of truth in it.
Mary Lou: Well, we can understand your being...hesitant.
Bret: I am not being hesitant. She's not my wife, she's not anybody's wife.
Hallie: You really takin' me out to your ranch?
Bret: You bet. It's the only way I'm gonna get rid a you once and for all.
Hallie: I fail to see how the one accomplishes the other.
Bret: Oh, well, you haven't met Cy Whittaker yet. You want to be Mrs. Bret Maverick? Sheess, you won't last a day.
(Hallie is helping Cy in the kitchen)
Hallie: How's this, Cy?
Cy: Well, you about got the hang of it, Halle.
Bret: Cy, Hallie...wonderful.
Cy: Don't forget to dig out the eyes.
Bret: That's what she does best!
Cy: Oh, stop your grousin'.
Hallie: That's what he does best.
Bret: McCullough, I don't know why you're here or what you're after, but I know damn well it isn't for cookin' lessons.
Cy: Bret, your language.
Bret: You're really up to somethin' terrible, aren't you?
Hallie: Romance, and the settled life, what else? Look how it agrees with you. I just want to share it. Speaking of which, I've taken the liberty of unpacking my things in our room.
Bret: Oh, no, you don't. I distinctly told you to put her in the guest room.
Cy: I can't do that. It's too dusty.
Bret: Well then, give her a broom...and if she doesn't know how to use it, she can always fly away on it. We're not sharing my room. And another thing, I want my Pappy's picture put back up on the mantle.
Barney: I worked like a dog all my life, brother...holdin' up pay wagons and robbin' little hick banks, some of 'em as poor as I was. Most the time, I didn't have a thin, damn dime to last me from one week to the next, wonderin' all the time if ever I's gonna get into somethin' better.
Bret: Such as?
Barney: I thought a lot about preachin' the Gospel.
Bret: You know anything about preaching?
Barney: I know it's good, clean steady work. You meet a lotta people and you eat better'n most.
Barney: Now I don't like to trust my money to the mail, so I give it to my brother here to take down to Arkansas for me.
Kenneth: If I hadn't a gone through Denver, we'd never...
Barney: Right into a barroom carryin' the Lord's money, and run into that fast-talkin' female swindler, invested the whole 2,400 in a company that said they's gonna make millions puttin' free Bible's into hotel rooms.
Bret: Oh..uh..correct me if I'm wrong..uh..but you lose just a little bit on each transaction...
Kenneth: That's right.
Bret: Yeah...you make it up in volume.
Kenneth: That's what she said.
Bret: Uh..well, I know just exactly how you feel. I mean, it's happened to me more'n once.
Cy: But suppose she was to get the money somewhere and pay those coyotes off?
Bret: You still don't get it, do you, Cy? If she could do that, she'd be a thousand miles away.
Hallie: Maverick, I really need someone to hold me right now.
Bret: Well, of course, sugar, just as soon as I lock up my wallet.
Hallie: It was life or death, and you know I'd never do it again, Bret...never, ever.
Bret: It must take a lotta practice not to choke on a statement like that.
Bret: It's not the 2,000 bucks, Cy. The world out there is full of people that Hallie has taken...and will continue to take for very large amounts. You pay one of 'em off, they'll all come lookin' for ya.
Cy: Oh, is that it? Is that why you're turnin' your back on a friend? A fine woman, a lady. Well, maybe she's got a few flaws, but she'd still make a better wife than you deserve.
Bret: Cy, what makes you think I deserve any wife?