Jake: Like I said, Sal's is an institution, and it's the best pizza in the neighborhood.
Charles: I'm sorry, Jake. Sal's is only the 8th best. I've put out a weekly Brooklyn pizza ranking e-mail blast. Sal's has the 4th best texture, 9th best crust, 12th best cheese, and honestly, they're only 7th in mouth feel.
Jake: Mouth feel? What is that?
Charles: The inside of your cheeks are very sensitive. It's like the inside of your thighs except with a tongue.
Corey: It was like taking candy from a baby.
Terry: Why are you giving candy to a baby in the first place? Don't give candy to a baby! They can't brush their teeth!
Ray: I apologize, Marshal Boone, for Detective Peralta's actions. Something I find myself doing quite frequently.
Jake: In my defense, I was the only one saying we should stop hitting. (cut to flashback) Stop hitting them! Kicking them will hurt more!
Jake: Seriously, why are you dragging Sal's Pizza through the mud? That place is special.
Ray: Why's it special?
Jake: Because it's the best pizza in the neighborhood!
Ray: According to Charles' e-mail blast, it's actually #8.
Charles: Captain reads my blast.
Ray: Of course. It's the only one that measures mouth feel.
Jake: What, are you kidding right now?
Gina: Captain, turn your greatest weakness into your greatest strength. Like Paris Hilton's rehearsed sex tape.
Rosa: (to Amy) It's whack, and you know it! Their number one crime is tricycle theft. There's a bakery attached to the precinct.
Rosa: We work in a police force full of dudes. We got to have each other's backs, okay?
Amy: You're saying you have my back?
Rosa: Yeah, I got your back. Don't smile. I'm still mad at you.
Amy: I thought we were having a moment.
Rosa: Moment's over. Shut up.