Gina: (answering the phone) Gina's stolen police line.
Jake: Hey, Gina, do you have a hair dryer in your purse?
Gina: Of course. I'm not an animal.
Ray: Still waiting, sergeant.
Terry: It's just... the target looks exactly like a friend of mine. It's freaking me out.
Ray: You have a friend... who's just a silhouette?
Det. Pembroke: Stay foxy.
Amy: Die lonely.
Jake: (to Amy) Give me your hair dryer.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Jake: Don't you carry one in your purse?
Amy: Have you ever met a human woman?
Charles: What if we wrap his motorcycle in plastic wrap and melt it with a hair dryer? Little trick I learned in gift basket making class.
Det. Pembroke: Hey, should we take odds on how fast I'll solve this case?
Det. Pembroke: I mean, what was it with Diaz's last "impossible" extortion case? What was it? Six hours?
Rosa: That's because it was 98% solved.
Det. Pembroke: The last 2%'s the hardest to get. That's why they leave it in the milk.
Det. Pembroke: Hey, you know, before I solve this case, I'd like to thank you for doing all the super easy work. You know, the real Nancy Drew level stuff.
Jake: Oh, yeah? Did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders?
Charles: Yep, she did. Murder on Ice, Recipe for Murder. Nancy was a wonderful detective. I wanted to be her when I grew up.
Jake: Thanks, Charles. That's helpful!
Doorman: (plays the wrong voice recording on his phone) Idea for a novel: a mild-mannered doorman gets bitten on the penis by a radioactive spider and becomes the world's greatest lover. (clicks it off)
Jake: No, don't stop it! I want to hear what happens.
Doorman: He saves the First Lady, if you must know.
Jake: Sounds compelling.
Jake: I'm about to solve this case, meet the mayor, then sell my life rights to Channing Tatum so he can play my less attractive brother in the ensuing film.
Gina: I want to get certified. There has been a ton of crime in my neighborhood, and the cops in my precinct are very bad.
Ray: You live in our precinct.
Gina: Yeah... I know.
Rosa: Come on, Peralta! Holt said to use the whole team. We all want this solved.
Jake: I appreciate the offer, but I work best alone. Except when it comes to sex. Actually... sometimes including sex.