Goof: Kitty tells the radio talk show host that her mother Nora is a Gold Star Mother, which isn't true. Gold Star Mothers have lost a military child in war.
Robert: Oh, um, you know, about the other thing... my answer... when soldiers stop dying.
Robert: That's when I'll stop going to funerals.
Robert: Look, I don't share many of my future mother-in-laws views either... but she's not un-patriotic and she's certainly not treasonous, your words.
Luther: And I stand by them.
Robert: Well I'm not going to give you an education on discourse, but if you think that I came on here today to distance myself from Kitty or her liberal mother or her gay brother or my gay brother for that matter, well Luther you have got to be nuts.
Luther: Well that's extremely disappointing because I believe America's looking for a leader who has the courage to stand up for what's right, and to point out what's wrong.
Robert: And I think America's looking for somebody who knows the difference. And the only way to do that is by listening, not antagonizing. My future in-laws are very different from me, and very different from each other, and so they are, by definition, my greatest asset, because they remind me that we are all part of a larger American family, and that no one is irrelevant, and no one should be ignored. And Luther, I think the bigger question is not why I feel a part of them, but why you don't.
Robert: (to Kitty) I know this is going to come as a surprise to you, but I agree with Nora.
Justin: Everyone here, they don't know what I saw, they don't know what people are capable of. I'm just not sure I'll be able to forget.
Robert: Don't. You shouldn't. That's how we honor the dead.
Justin: Last time I came home I was so stoned I didn't know what I was feeling.
Robert: That's the point of being stoned.
Justin: Now I know what I'm missing.
Robert: (to Justin) We're raising money, your sister's raising hell. Same old same old.
Nora: (outside the house after arriving home with Justin) Kitty, just go inside and tell everybody to calm down. The last thing Justin needs right now is a lot of excitement.
Kevin: Mom, he hurt his leg, okay? He doesn't have the vapors.
Doctor: (about Justin) He is completely against taking any narcotics.
Kevin: Well, is that stupid or brave?
Doctor: He's a good soldier, so it's both. And though commendable, it is completely unrealistic.
Nora: (to member of hospital staff) If I don't get my badge in two seconds, I'm going to start screaming obscenities that will make every sailor in this hospital blush.
Kitty: I'm afraid she means it.
Sarah: (after Rebecca told her the truth about the kiss with Joe) It might have made a difference if you had told me then. Now you're just telling me to make yourself feel better, which is the worst kind of selfishness.
Holly: What's going on?
Sarah: Rebecca's in a confessional mood. Want to fill your mom in?
Rebecca: It's nothing she doesn't already know. (walks out)
Sarah: (to Holly) Apparently, your dear deflowered little girl would have screwed my husband in a heartbeat. You two. You deserve each other.
Holly: Really. Well maybe you got what you deserve, too.
Travis: Man to man, is there any chance you could get out of this wedding?
Robert: (thinks) No. I'm madly in love with her.
Luther: The American people are entitled to know that the Lincoln Bedroom might very well be used for sexual acts forbidden in the Bible.
Kevin: Yeah, well that wouldn't be the first time, Lucifer.
Luther: What was that? Did you just say Abraham Lincoln was gay?
Kevin: (at the same time as Kitty) Yes!
Nora: Just pick up a recent history book Luther, if you can read.
Luther: Well, there you go, America. The McCallister campaign thinks Abe Lincoln was gay. Reach into your pockets and take out some pennies. Look at that regal profile. Now are you going to stand for his legacy to be slandered by these people?
Kitty: You know what, Luther, you have twisted every word I've said. You and the lunatic fringe that listens to this drivel have ruined this country and subverted conservatism into the ideology of hate.
Sarah: You know, the really sad thing is, I loved you, Joe. I mean, I really loved you. Nothing's ever going to make you love yourself. I wish I had known that when we met, because I wouldn't have wasted my time.
Joe: It is exactly because I do love myself that I am admitting this is over. I'm sorry that you think it was a waste of time.
Rebecca: (about a picture of William) Every time I see that picture, I just want to wipe that smile right off of his face.
Lena: At least your mom has decent taste in men, you know, good-looking, wealthy...
Kitty: Travis, do me a favor. Never have any children.
Travis: Sorry, it's too late, I already have three.
Travis: I don't want to sound callous.
Robert: That never stopped you before.
Nora: You certainly are being a secretive young lady.
Rebecca: I guess I really am a part of this crazy family.
Nora: Yeah, I guess so.
(Holly walks in the front door)
Holly: I've been trying to call you. Do you wanna talk about what happened?
Rebecca:What's there to talk about? I let everyone believe he was a lecherous old man. And I've got what I've deserved.
Holly: Oh, sweetie. Joe is not old and that marriage was already beyond repair.
Rebecca:Mom, why do you do that? Why do you let me off the hook like that?
Holly: Because who am I to judge you? But there are consequences to everything, I know, and I'm sorry you're feeling them!
Kitty: Are you in pain?
Justin: No, no. They gave me a nerve block, so I don't feel anything from the waist down.
Kevin: Great. At least the female population of Pasadena will be safe for a while.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic - Americká rodina (American Family)
Original International Air Dates:
Norway: Wednesday, October 1, 2008 9.40 pm on TV2
Latin America: Wednesday, October 1, 2008 on Universal Channel
Czech Republic: Sunday, November 28, 2010 on Universal Channel
Born by Over the Rhine
Ashes and Wine by A Fine Frenzy
White Bird by KT Tunstall
No Expectations by The Rolling Stones
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