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Senator Robert McCallister
Nora is 60 years old.
When Kitty and Robert are in the closet looking at her shoes, Kitty pours Robert a glass of wine, then it cuts to her pouring her self a glass and then cuts back again to her pouring wine in her glass again when she had already done it in the previous cut.
When Kitty and Robert are inside her closet she serves wine and puts the bottle on her left, when she stands up to serve Robert more wine she gets the bottle from her right.
(catching Tommy, Kevin, and Sarah drinking wine in Kitty's closet)
Justin: It's like a speakeasy in here.
The term speakeasy was used for the selling and drinking of alcoholic beverages in the U.S. during the Prohibition years, when buying/selling alcohol was illegal.
(in Kitty's closet for some wine)
McCallister: I am having like a fifth grade flashback of Dina Segerson and 7 Minutes in Heaven.
Senator Robert McCallister played the childhood game of 7 Minutes in Heaven when he was in fifth grade.
(after messing up on her lines)
Joe: Quiet on the set please, Sarah's toast to her Mom, take sixteen.
Sarah: Well, it's not fair. Kitty has such an advantage. She has her own tv show.
Sarah is jealous of how Kitty is able to talk in front of a camera without being nervous or messing up lines.
Tom: Yeah, and I'm off to Malibu to get Justin from rehab, report back to base camp at 1700 hours, sir.
Apparently Justin's rehab center is located in Malibu, California.
Robert: (in the closet) You know, we've been in here for over a minute and haven't done anything. I got more action from Dina Segerson in fifth grade.
Kitty: I can't. It's not that I don't want to. I don't mean that I do want to. It's just that even if I did want to, I couldn't.
Robert: With that kind of logic, are you sure you're not a Democrat?
Robert: (looking at the shoes in the closet) Wow, this is quite a collection.
Kitty: Oh yeah, if only my shoes could talk.
Robert: These are sufficiently slutty, what's their story?
Kitty: Hamptons, 2002, broke a heel dancing on a table. Got sandwiched in between this uh, a club promoter and some tortured playwright.
Robert: (glancing at a pair of red platform shoes) Do you want to explain those?
Kitty: (laughing) Oh my God, yes. Halloween, 2 years ago, um, Tribeca loft party. Jonathan and I went as Sonny and Cher.
Kitty: Uh, yeah, Jonathan, my ex-fiance. (pauses) Yeah, I'd rather talk about my shoes.
(Justin has gone to see Tyler)
Tommy: You let him go?
Kitty: No, no I pinned him down, I gave him a wedgie but I just couldn't keep him there. What was I supposed to-Of course I let him go.
(Kevin and Tommy have hidden the alcohol because Justin is out of rehab.)
Nora: Where did they hide the booze? Tell me, really, I'm not joking.
Saul: Nora, if I knew where it was I'd be drunk by now.
(Kitty and Robert enter a closet)
Robert: If this is where you keep the wine, where do you keep your clothes?
Kitty: Shut your mouth and come on. Shut the door.
(Robert shuts the door and looks around)
Robert: I am having like a fifth grade flashback of Deena Segerson and seven minutes in heaven.
(He looks at Kitty who is pouring glasses of wine)
Robert: Have you always been a closet drinker?
Kitty: Are you done?
Robert: No, I'll think of some more.
Kevin: OK. Whatever, where did you hide the wine? I need to get grandma a drink ASAP?
Tommy: It's in the closet.
Kitty: You put the wine in my closet.
(Kevin walks over to the closet & opens the door)
Kitty: Is your little boyfriend in there?
Kevin (Yelling from closet): He's not my boyfriend.
(In Kitty's closet drinking wine.)
Sarah: Oh, whatever, at least your asses weren't plastered all over a plasma. (Tommy and Kevin start laughing) Don't laugh, it's not funny. I can't even look at you people anymore.
Tommy: Imagine how we feel.
Kevin: Yeah, full out on the couches.
Sarah: Oh, stop it.
Kevin: Have you been doing yoga?
Sarah: Okay, that's enough!
(Saul walks into the kitchen.)
Saul: Why is everyone in the kitchen? Is everything okay?
Ida: Well hardly, Justin is an addict, and Kevin is gay. And, and this one is shooting pornographic movies.
Sarah: Pornographic what?
Nora: The sex tape that you and Joe shot, it ended up on my video.
Saul, Kitty: Yes it did.
Sarah: No it didn't.
Ida, Nora, Saul, Kitty, Kevin: Yes it did.
Kitty: Uh oh.
(Joe walks into the kitchen.)
Sarah: Why didn't you tell me about the tape?
Joe: I was going to but, uh, waited till after the party. I just -
Sarah: We're supposed to be a team.
Joe: Well, um... We are a team.
Sarah (shrieking): It's not funny!
Ida: What else don't I know about this family?
Saul: Ma, let's go sit down -
Nora: No, no, Saul, she wants to know, so I'm gonna tell her. Mother, William cheated on me. Yes, is that what you wanted to hear? William had an affair with another woman for almost half my marriage, and not only that, hold on, he was an embezzler. As it turns out, he was a very successful embezzler, but an embezzler nonetheless. So it turns out you were right. Are you happy now?
Ida: Of course I'm not happy. I'm not surprised, but I'm not happy.
Nora: Well you -
Saul: Okay, okay, Mom. That's it, that's it. Let's go, it's enough.
Saul: I'm taking you to my house and tomorrow morning you're flying home.
Ida: But what did I do?
Saul: It's Nora's birthday, Mom. She's had a terrible year and you haven't been nice to her since you got here. I'm sorry I invited you. I really am.
Ida: I have never understood this family.
Saul: That's because you've never even tried.
(Ida gasps, realizes she's not wanted and leaves the kitchen.)
(Sarah and Kevin in the kitchen.)
Sarah: I just don't understand, I'm out of commission for eight hours and the party turns into a Medieval circus.
Kevin: Yeah, well, you ordered this Medieval circus which happens to be the most expensive package.
Sarah: No, I ordered the Mid-mid-level, the mid-level -
Sarah: Oh my God.
(Nora and Ida walk into the kitchen.)
Sarah: Oh Mom, I am so sorry about your party.
Nora: Sweetie, no one really saw anything.
Ida: Whoa, speak for yourself.
Kevin: Uh, ah, the theme, she said about the theme.
Nora (finally getting what Kevin is trying to say): The theme is so festive.
Sarah: Come on, Mom. There is armor on the wall, there are serves in the bathroom, (Kitty and McCallister walk into the kitchen) and where is all the wine? I mean isn't all they did in the Middle Ages? Drink wine? And what's with all the state troopers?
McCallister: Oh, they are state troopers, and they're my fault.
Sarah (extending her hand in greet): Senator.
McCallister: How you doing?
Kitty: And we had to promise no wine when we took Justin out of rehab.
Ida: Out of where?
Nora: Mother, Justin is in a rehab program, he's a drug addict.
Kevin: Oh, Mom, a little more discretion, we are in the presense of a U.S. Senator.
McCallister: There's nothing to be embarrassed of.
Kevin: Oh, but homosexuality is?
Kitty: Oh, Kevin, you know, please, enough. (turns to McCallister) And can you just please tell him that you have a gay brother too?
Ida: Who's gay?
Kitty (gasps): I -
McCallister: I think you just outted two brothers at the price of one.
Kevin: That would be me, Grandma, I'm gay.
Ida: Oh, you're not gay. Justin maybe, but you -
Kevin: Oh, I am, uh, gay. I swear, I am.
(Ida looking horrified)
Nora: Oh, Mother, stop acting so horrified, you are loving every second of this.
Kitty: As you can see, I've worn a lot of shoes in my life. It's time to focus on me for awhile and go barefoot.
Robert McCallister: But, hypothetically speaking.
Kitty: You mean, hypothetically, if I didn't work for you.
Robert McCallister: Hypothetically, of course.
Kitty: You'd be the first pair I'd try on.
Robert McCallister: (slowly he smiles and they clink together wine glasses)
Kevin: You know, in our defense Mom, you were really quite convincing.
Nora: Kevin, you don't have to apologize for listening to me. This isn't a wedding, it's not a bar-mitzvah. It's just aging, I'm sixty. (giggles)
(An awkward silence at the dinner table.)
Nora: More cake?
Kitty: Sarah, this cake is so delicious.
Sarah (sarcastically): I know, and its store-bought! (normal) Mom, I really wanted to bake, but you know its been really busy at work and, Cooper has had this horrible flu, literally, projectile vomiting.
Tom: Whoa, whoa.
Kevin: Eating, eating.
Sarah: Sorry guys.
(opening her birthday present)
Nora: Oh, it's a picture frame. it's so shiny, and pretty. It's just what I wanted for my birthday.
Tom: She hates it.
Julia: Oh, we just thought with the baby coming...
Nora: No, no, you can never have enough picture frames. I love it, thank you so much.
Saul: She's headed off to the desert with the rest of the scorpions.
Senator McCallister: Nora. I come bearing soup.
Nora: Why Senator, that's so sweet of you, and un-senatorial.
Senator McCallister: Well, ah, the house was smack between speaking engagements.
Nora: Really, where?
Senator McCallister: San Diego and San Francisco. So I stopped at Feinberg's and I got you two gallons, and bagel chips.
Nora: Kitty's upstars.
Senator McCallister: Oh, ok. Ah, tell her that last night was the perfect dose of family and that I really needed it.
Nora: Well, thank you for the soup and for Pietro.
Senator McCallister: And, one more thing if you don't mind…please tell Kitty to let me know when she's ready to go shoe shopping again.
Nora: My, you are a friendly boss. Yes, I certainly will do that Senator. Now please, go fumigate yourself.
Kevin: That was some serious family drama.
Tommy: I think you finally drove off McCallister and his band of merry men.
Kevin: Good. I'm sure Kitty's apologizing for us all right now.
Sarah: Oh whatever. At least your asses weren't plastered all over a plasma. Don't laugh, it's not funny. I can't even look at you people anymore.
Tommy (laughing): Imagine how we feel.
Kitty: You know tonight was unusually bizarre, even for my family.
Senator McCallister: Are you kidding me, it's been fantastic – it's like dinner theater or the circus.
Kitty: Umm…well you certainly managed to charm the pants off the ringleader. I think my mother was actually battling her eyelashes at you.
Senator MCallister: There was no batting.
Kitty: Senator, there was, and you don't have to be modest with me.
Senator McCallister: Please, we're in a closet, call me Robert.
Ida: Who's the movie star?
Kitty: Oh, um…Senator..McCallister you came, great.
Senator MCallister: I told you…so much for just fitting in.
Kitty: Oh yeah.
Senator McCallister: Is this a costume party?
Kitty: Apparently it is but you know, our house doesn't usually look like this.
Senator McCallister: Nora.(walking towards Nora with a gift in hand)
Senator McCallister: Very happy birthday, I am so sorry to just be getting here, but you know the rule, be early or late, anything in the idle risks ruining the surprise.
Chad: I'll text you goodnight?
Kevin: Nothing says goodnight like a text.
Saul: Excuse me, who are you texting so frantically
Kevin: Nothing frantic about it, I have fast thumbs.
Sarah: Great, I'll put them to use in the kitchen; I need you here by 9:00.
International Episode Titles:
Czech Republic - Jde sem něco divného (Something Strange Is Coming Here)
It All Begins With A Song by Nicole Gordon
One by Michael Meanwhile
Simple Things by DB Clifford
Through the Years by Kenny Rogers (song in Nora's Birthday video)
Lucky by Red Letter
Calista Flockhart (Kitty) was really sick during filming and was removed from two scenes in this episode.
Rob Lowe is credited as a Special Guest Star.
When Robert is with Kitty in her closet he tells her he is having a flash-back from 7 minutes in heaven on fifth grade. 7 minutes in heaven is a game general played at parties, normally with two people of the opposite sex. These two people, generally teenagers from 13 to 16 years, go into a closet for seven minutes and "make out".
(explaining the many shoes in her closet to McCallister)
Kitty: Oh my God, yes, Halloween, two years ago, um, Tribeca loft party, uh, Jonathan and I went as Sonny & Cher.
Joe: You look green, like, Kermit the Frog, green.
Joe mentions the famous Muppets character, Kermit the Frog, on how green Sarah looked when she was sick.
(filming her video testimony for Nora)
Sarah: Hey Mom, uh, happy birthday, you taught me to be a friend, and a mother; I'm definitely my mother's daughter, the good, the bad and the ugly - not that there's anything ugly...
Sarah refers to the 1966 movie called The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly.
Tom: Really? Not Kevin? Didn't you used to date one of those flying monkeys?
Kevin: Don't laugh, one of those flying monkeys got them house seats.
("them" are Kitty and Nora attending the production of Wicked)
Tom mentions how Kevin used to date an actor that was cast as a flying monkey for the production of Wicked, and "flying monkeys" appeared in the production.
Sarah: Okay, 1 pm, Kitty leaves the house with Mom to take her to the matinee of Wicked.
Wicked is the 2003 Original Broadway Production by director Joe Mantello, based on Oz.
(after seeing the family off at the Whedon house)
Joe: Okay, Rachael Ray, time to go to bed.
Joe mentions Rachael Ray, who hosts four different TV shows: $40 a Day, 30 Minute Meals, Inside Dish with Rachael Ray, and Rachael Ray's Tasty Travels. Rachael also has a series of cookbooks published based on her TV show 30 Minute Meals.
When Kevin, Tommy and Sarah are drinking in the closet discussing the evenings events, Kevin says their grandmother is like Joan Crawford. Alluding to the notorious cult-movie Mommie Dearest, in which the Oscar winning actress is portrayed to be an abusive mother.
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