Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Mr. Whitmore: S-E-X. Sex. The sex drive in the human animal is intense. How many of us have lost countless productive hours plagued by unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings? Xander: Yes! (quickly raising his hand) Mmmhmm. Mr. Whitmore: That was a rhetorical question, Mr. Harris, not a poll. Xander: Oh.

Giles: How did the um... hunt go last night, Buffy? Buffy: No go. Giles: No, "no you didn't go"? Or, no, "you were not sucessful"? Buffy: No Gorches. Xander: Apparently Buffy has decided the problem with the English language is all those pesky words. (to Buffy) You. Angel. Big. Smoochies? Buffy: Shut. Up.

Joyce: You go to the tailor and pick up my outfit from Everyday Woman. Buffy: "Everyday Woman"? Why didn't you just go to "Muumuus R Us"? Joyce: Do now. Make fun of your mother later.

Joyce: A little responsibility is all I ask. Don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes? Buffy: Saving the world from vampires? Joyce: I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head.

Teacher: With all sorts of hormones surging through your bodies, compelling you to action, it's often difficult to remember that there are negative consequences to having sex. Would anyone care to offer one such consequence? Cordelia: That depends. Are you talking about sex in the car, or out of the car Because I have a friend -- not me -- that was in a Miata parked on top of the hill... Teacher: I was thinking of something more commonplace.

Willow: Buffy, how come you weren't in class? Buffy: Vampire issues. Did Mr. Whitmore notice I was tardy? Xander: The word you're searching for is "absent". Willow: Tardy people show. Buffy: Right.

Tector: That the Slayer? Lyle: Yep. Tector: Ain't that Angelus with her? Lyle: Yep. Tector: Well, how come she ain't slayin'? And how come he's about to make me blush? Lyle: I don't know, Tector. And how come you're always askin' me so many stupid questions?

(before going to bed) Buffy: OK, little egg dude. Let's see... Feeding... Check. Burping... Check. Diapers... Sort of. In theory, I guess. OK. Good night, Egbert.

Buffy: I still have to go home and fill out my egg diary. Angel: Your what? Buffy: That faux parenting gig we're doing. Like I'm really planning to have kids anytime soon. Maybe someday in the future, when I'm done having a life. But right now, kids would be a little too much to deal with. Angel: I wouldn't know. I don't... Well, you know, I can't. Buffy: That's OK. I figured there were all sorts of things vampires can't do, like work for the telephone company, or volunteer for the Red Cross, or have little vampires. Angel: So you don't think about the future? Buffy: No. Angel: Never? Buffy: No. Angel: You really don't care what happens a year from now? Five years from now? Buffy: Angel, when I look into the future, all I see is you. All I want is you. Angel: I know the feeling.

Buffy: Come on, mom. Please? Joyce: I'm sorry, honey. Buffy: Don't you know how important this is? Joyce: It's an outfit. An outfit that you may never buy. Buffy: But... I looked good in it. Joyce: You looked like a streetwalker. Buffy: But a thin streetwalker... That's probably not the winning argument.

Buffy: Me? Why do I have to dissect it? Xander: Because you're the Slayer. Buffy: And I slayed. My work here is done! Xander: Oh no, I almost ate one of these things. I think I've fulfilled my gross-out quota for the decade.

Buffy: I didn't sleep well. Joyce: What's the matter, your egg keep you up all night? Buffy: You're killing me. Parenting's a pain. Joyce: Wait 'til it starts dating.

Giles: That's Lyle Gorch, and that one's his brother, Tector. They're from Abilene. They, uh, they made their reputation by massacring an entire Mexican village in 1886. Buffy: Friendly little demons. Giles: That was before they became vampires.

Giles: I suppose there is a sort of Machiavellian ingenuity to your transgression. Xander: I resent that! Or possibly thank you.