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Cordelia: God, this is so sad. We're never gonna win the state championship. I think I've lost all will to cheerlead.
Xander: Raise your hand if you feel her pain.
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Xander: All I'm saying is, it's a stupid idea to have a victory party at the beach. It's officially nippy. So say my nips.
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Gage: This "being my shadow" act. It's getting old. What do you want from me?
Buffy: Well... um... it's a little embarassing you see. I'm a swim groupie.
Gage: Uh-huh.
Buffy: Oh yeah! You know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy, oh baby!
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Cameron: (After running into Xander) Hey! Watch it!
Xander: Oh, forgive me, Your Swimteamliness!
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Xander: You know what really grates my cheese?
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Cameron: Relax. I'm not gonna hurt you.
Buffy: Oh, it's not me I'm worried about.
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Xander: Turning into a creepy-crawly wasn't on my top ten list of things to do before I turned twenty.
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Cordelia: (Talking to a fish guy, thinking he's Xander) We can still date. Or not... I mean, I understand if you want to see other fish. I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better, whether that means little bath toys or whatever.
-
Coach Marin: You got some imagination, Missy.
Buffy: Oh, well, right now I'm imagining you in jail. You're wearing a big orange suit, and, oh look, the guards are beating you up.
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Xander: What am I gonna do?
Cordelia: You, you, you. What about me? It's one thing to be dating the lame unpopular guy, but it's another to be dating the creature from the blue lagoon.
Xander: Black lagoon. The creature from the blue lagoon was Brooke Shields.
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Cordelia: I'm dating a swimmer from the Sunnydale swim team.
Buffy: You can die happy.
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Xander: I'm undercover!
Buffy: You're not under much.
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Buffy: And raises the possibility that someone brought forth the sea monster from whence it came to exact that revenge. From whence it came...? (gives Giles a look) I'm spending way too much time around you.
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Xander: What about that nutty "all men are created equal" thing?
Cordelia: Propaganda spouted out by the ugly and less deserving.
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Cordelia: It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Mmm, you're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: We're number one!
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Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handing out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for "shred of sanity". (Coach Marin points a gun at her) Which you obviously skipped.
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Buffy: I think we better find the rest of the swim team and lock them up before they get in touch with their inner halibut.
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Buffy: I wouldn't break out the tartar sauce just yet. I mean it's not like you were exposed more than once. (Xander looks at her.) Twice?
Xander: Three times a fish guy.
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Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol?
(Giles gives Buffy a look)
Buffy: (looks back) You're going to think about that later, mister, and you're going to laugh.
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Xander: I figured I can keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't.
Willow: When you're nude? (Buffy nudges her) I-I meant to say changing.
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Xander: That's wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to earn our D's.
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Buffy: Great. This is just what my reputation needs: that I did it with the entire swim team.
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Buffy: So I'm treated like the baddie, just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose... and I don't have a scratch on me... which, granted, hurts my case a little, on the surface...
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Buffy: So something ripped him open and ate out his insides?
Willow: Like an Oreo cookie. Well, except for, you know... without the chocolatey cookie goodness.