Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Angel: I thought we had... Buffy: A date. So did I. But who am I kidding? Dates are things normal girls have. Girls who have time to think about nail polish and facials. You know what I think about? Ambush tactics. Beheading. Not exactly the stuff dreams are made of.

Angel: I hated the girls back then. Especially the noble women. Buffy: You did? Angel: They were just incredibly dull. Simpering morons, the lot of them. I always wished I could meet someone... exciting. Interesting.

(After everyone turns into their Halloween costumes, Buffy, now a defenseless noblewoman, faints when seeing monsters) Willow: Buffy, are you all right? Buffy: What? Xander: Are you hurt? Willow: Buffy, are you hurt? Buffy: Buffy? Willow: (to Xander) She's not Buffy. Xander: Who's Buffy? Willow: (to herself) Oh, this is fun.

Willow: How was your date last night? Buffy: Misfire. I was late due to unscheduled slayage. Showed up looking trashed. Willow: Was he mad? Buffy: Actually he was pretty unmad. Which probably had something to do with the fact that Cordelia was drooling in his cappuccino. Willow: Oh, Buffy. Angel would never fall for her act. Buffy: You mean that "actually showing up, wearing a stunning outfit, embracing personal hygiene" act?

(Sees Willow walking) Oz: Who is that girl?

Willow: It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher Diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell. Buffy: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private. Willow: Also, Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files. Buffy: Most importantly, it would be wrong.

Giles: I'll have you know that I have very, um, many relaxing hobbies. Buffy: Such as? Giles: Well, um... I enjoy cross referencing. Buffy: Do you stuff your own shirts or do you send em out?

Xander: Halloween, quiet? Wow, I figured it would be a big old vamp scare-a-palooza. Buffy: Not according to Giles. He swears that tomorrow night is like dead for the undead. They stay in. Xander: Those wacky vampires, that's why I love em. They just keep ya guessing!

Cordelia: Buffy, love the hair. It just screams street urchin.

Ethan: We all know that you are the champion of innocents and all things pure and good, Rupert. It's quite a little act you've got going here, old man. Giles: It's no act. It's who I am. Ethan: Who you are? The Watcher, sniveling, tweed-clad guardian of the Slayer and her kin? I think not. I know who you are, Rupert, and I know what you're capable of. But they don't, do they? They have no idea where you come from.

Giles: Janus. Roman mythical god. Willow: What does this mean? Giles: Primarily the division of self. Male and female, light and dark. Ethan: Chunky and creamy. Oh, no, sorry, that's peanut butter.

Xander: She must be right. We must have some kind of amnesia. Buffy: I don't know what that is, but I'm certain I don't have it. I bathe quite often!

Buffy: Angel's a vampire. I thought you knew. Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Care Bear with fangs? Willow: It's true. Cordelia: You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer.

Snyder: Miss Summers. Just the juvenile delinquent I've been looking for.

Soldier Xander: (referring to Pirate Larry) It's strange, but beating up that pirate gave me a weird sense of closure.

Soldier Xander: I suggest we get inside before we come across another-- 18th Century Buffy: A demon! A demon! A demon! Ghost Willow: It's not a demon, it's a car! 18th Century Buffy: What does it want? Soldier Xander: Is this woman insane? Ghost Willow: She's never seen a car. Soldier Xander: She's never seen a car? Ghost Willow: She's from the past. Soldier Xander: And you're a ghost? Ghost Willow: Yes! Now let's get inside! Soldier Xander: I just want you to know that I'm taking a lot on faith here.

Larry: Harris! Xander: Hey, Larry. You're looking cro-mag as usual. What can I do ya for? Larry: You and Buffy are just friends, right? Xander: I like to think of it less of a friendship, and more like a solid foundation for future bliss. Larry: So, so she's not your girlfriend? Xander: Alas, no. Larry: Do you think she'd go out with me? Xander: Well, Larry that's a tough question to... no, not a chance. Larry: Why not? I heard some guy say she was fast. Xander: I hope you mean like the wind. Larry: You know what I mean. Xander: Hey look! That's my friend you're talking about. Larry: Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it? Xander: I'm gonna do what any man would do about it. (Grabs Larry by the collar) Somethin' damn manly. Buffy: (pushes Larry against the soda machine) Get gone. (a soda falls out and she takes it) Ooh! Diet! Xander: Do you know what you just did? Buffy: Saved you a dollar? Xander: No, Larry was about to pummel me! Buffy: Oh, that? Forget about it. Xander: Oh, I'll forget about it. In maybe about fifteen, twenty years when my rep for being a sissyman finally fades. Buffy: Xander, don't you think... Xander: A black eye heals, Buffy, but cowardice has unlimited shelf-life. Oh, thanks, thanks a lot for your help. (walks away) Buffy: I think I just violated the guy code big time. Willow: Poor Xander. Boys are so fragile.

Buffy: You're beginning to scare me, Giles. You need to have some fun. You know, there's this place you can go, right, and you sit in the dark, and there are these moving pictures, right? And the pictures tell a story.

Willow: Ok, your name is Cordelia, you're not a cat, you're in high school, and we're your friends. Well, sort of. Cordelia: That's nice, Willow. And you went mental when?

Buffy: I'll never be like this. Willow: C'mon, she's not that pretty. I mean, look at her. She's got a funny... waist. Look how tiny that is. Buffy: Thank you. Now I feel better. Willow: No, she's like a freak. A circus freak. Yuck.

Snyder: Halloween must be a big night for you. Tossing eggs, keying cars, bobbing for apples. One pathetic cry for help after another. Well, not this year, missy. Buffy: Gosh, I'd love to sign up, but I recently developed carpal-tunnel syndrome, and can tragically no longer hold a flashlight.

Spike: Well! This is just.... neat!

Cordelia: (about Willow) Who died and made her boss?

Drusilla: Do you love my insides? The parts you can't see? Spike: Eyeballs to entrails, my sweet.

Drusilla: Do you know what I miss? Leeches.

Cordelia: Oz! Oz. Oz: Hey, Cordelia. You're like a great big cat. Cordelia: That's my costume. Are you guys playing tonight? Oz: Yeah, at the shelter club. Cordelia: Is Mr. I'm-the-lead-singer-I'm-so-great-I-don't-have-to- show-up-for-my-date-or-even-call gonna be there? Oz: Yeah, y'know, he's just going by "Devon" now. Cordelia: Well, you can tell him that I don't care, and that I didn't even mention it, and that I didn't even see you, so that's just fine. Oz: So, what do I tell him? Cordelia: Nothing! Geez, get with the program! (walks away) Oz: (sarcastic) Why can't I meet a nice girl like that?

Buffy: Just look at this. Willow: It's amazing. Xander: Too bulky, I prefer my women in spandex.

Buffy: Whatcha got? Willow: A time honored classic. Buffy: Okay Will, can I give you a little friendly advice? Willow: It's not spooky enough? Buffy: It's just... You're never going to get noticed if you keep hiding. You're missing the whole point of Halloween. Willow: Free candy?

Willow: No, no, no. I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.