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Cordelia: Why is it that every time I go somewhere with you it always ends in violence and terror?
Buffy: Welcome to my life.
Cordelia: I don't wanna be in your life! I wanna be in my life!
Buffy: Well, here is the door, feel free to walk out any time to go to your life.
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Cordelia: And now I'm never going to get the chance to tell him.
Buffy: Yes you are. We are gonna get out of here, and we're gonna head back to the library, where Giles and the rest of the weapons live. Then I'm going to take out the rest of these guys, just in time for you to congratulate me on my sweeping victory as Homecoming Queen.
Cordelia: I know what you're up to. You think if you get me mad enough I won't be so scared. And hey, it's working! Where's a damn weapon?
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Buffy: You really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kinda grows on you, like a chia pet.
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Faith: Scott? There you are, honey! Hey, good news. The doctor says that the itching and the swelling and the burning should clear up, but we gotta keep using the ointment.
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Buffy: A campaign is like a war. It's won or lost in the trenches. Holly, Michelle, and our real competition, Cordelia, all have big head starts. And speaking of big heads, if I had a watermelon as big as Cordelia's, I'd be rich...Waits for laugh.
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Xander: That didn't just happen.
Willow: No! I mean, it did, but it didn't.
Xander: Because I respect you, and Oz, and I would never...
Willow: I would never, either. It must be the clothes. It's a fluke.
Xander: It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is. And there'll be no more fluking.
Willow: Not ever.
Xander: We got to get out of these clothes.
Willow: Right now!
Xander: Oh, I didn't mean...
Willow: I didn't, me either.
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Cordelia: I have to go to the nurse's office for an ice-pack anyway.
Xander: Did you hurt yourself?
Cordelia: No, silly, it shrinks the pores.
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Willow: Remember that eighth grade cotillion, and you had that clip-on?
Xander: Yeah, I was pretty stylin' with the clip-on.
Willow: Now here we are, and it's Homecoming.
Xander: Yeah, we should face it, Will. You and I are going to be in neighboring rest homes, while I come over so you can adjust me... my, uh... Well, I can't think of anything that's not really gross.
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Buffy: I can't believe it. My favorite teacher, and she didn't even remember who I was. I'm like a non-person. Am I invisible? Can you see me?
Oz: Big as life.
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Xander: What'cha doin'?
Cordelia: Checking out the, I laughingly use the phrase, "competition." Holly Charlston, nice girl, brain dead, doesn't have a prayer. Michelle Blake, open to all mankind, especially those with a letterman's jacket and a car. She could give me a run.
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Scott: Before we were going out, you seemed so full of life, like a force of nature. Now you just seem distracted all the time.
Buffy: I'm getting better, honest. In fact, from here on, you're going to see a drastic distraction reduction. Drastic distraction reduction... try saying that ten times fast.
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Scott: I assumed that you would think it was corny or something. But I'm in, I mean, you know, if you are, if you want to.
Buffy: Sure. I do, you know, if you want to.
Scott: Well, I do if you want to.
Oz: The judges will accept that as a yes.
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Xander: Buffy and Faith are in the library getting all sweaty.
Cordelia: They're training!
Xander: I stand by my phrase.
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Trick: Ladies, gentlemen, spiny-headed looking creatures, welcome to SlayerFest '98!
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Cordelia: I hear you, you red-neck moron. You got a dress that goes with that hat?
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Xander: Okay, let's not say something we'll regret later, okay?
Cordelia: You crazy freak!
Buffy: Vapid whore!
Xander: Like that!
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Cordelia: You know, after all we've been through tonight, this whole who-gets-to-be-queen-capade seems pretty...
Buffy: ...damn important.
Cordelia: Oh yeah.
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Buffy: I thought, Homecoming Queen, I could open a yearbook someday and say, 'I was there, I went to high school and had friends and for just one minute I got to live in the world.' And there'd be proof. Proof I was chosen for something other than this. Besides, I look cute in a tiara.
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Mayor Wilkins: That's an exciting suit.
Mr. Trick: Well, clothes make the man.
Mayor Wilkins: Well, as I understand it, you're not a man... exactly. Mr. Trick, I've been the Mayor for quite some time. I like things to run smoothly. This is a very important year for me.
Mr. Trick: Election year.
Mayor Wilkins: Something like that.
Mr. Trick: If this is the part where you tell me that I don't fit in here in your quiet little neighborhood, you can just skip it 'cause, see, that all got old long before I became a vampire. Do you know what I'm saying?
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Mr. Trick: Competition. Competition is a beautiful thing. It makes us strive. It... makes us accomplish. Occasionally, it makes us kill. We all have the desire to win. Whether we're human, vampire... whatever the hell you are, my brother, you got spiny looking head thing, I ain't never seen that before...
Kulak: I am Kulak, of the Meequai Clan!
Mr. Trick: .......Isn't that nice.