-
Xander: Visiting hours are over.
Angelus: Well, I'm pretty much family.
Xander: Yeah. Why don't you come back during the day? Oh, gee, no, I guess you can't.
Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you think for one microsecond that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either. Or those cops... or the orderlies... But I'm kinda curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there.
Angelus: Tell her I stopped by.
-
Angelus: (to Buffy) You know, you being off your game is kinda taking the fun out of all this. (He punches her in the face, and she stumbles backward) Nope, still fun!
-
Xander: Hey, Buffy, we're all here.
Buffy: Hey... here we are. It's... all of we. Are we taking me home?
Doctor: No, Buffy, you need to lie down, honey.
Buffy: Yeah? Lie at home. My bed is better than any bed that's not my bed.
Doctor: She's still a little out of it.
Buffy: Shhh! Hospital zone - no singing.
-
Willow: Buffy, that's 100% pure. It'll kill you in an instant.
Buffy: Oh. They really should put that on the label.
-
Buffy: Homework.
Willow: It's my way of saying get well soon.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
-
Xander: Flowers for milady.
Buffy: I think they call them balloons.
Xander: Yeah, stick them in water. Maybe they'll grow.
-
Xander: Do you think she's gonna be okay in here?
Cordelia: I don't know. Lysette got her nose done here, and she came in looking for the Gwyneth Paltrow, and it looked more like the Mr. Potato Head.
-
Willow: Buffy, you're sick.
Buffy: No, I feel fine. I mean, the world's spinning a little bit, but I like it. It's like a ride.
-
Cordelia: Eww, what does this do?
Giles: It extracts vital organs to replenish its own mutating cells.
Cordelia: Wow! What does this one do?
Giles: It elongates its mouth to engulf its victims head with its incisors.
Cordelia: Ouch! Wait, what does this one do?
Giles: It asks endless questions of those with whom it's supposed to be working so that nothing is getting done.
Cordelia: Boy, there's a demon for everything!
-
Xander: Finding out who this thing is takes priority. Cordy, you should go with Giles.
Giles: Why do I have to have... (looks at Cordelia) Uh, good thinking. I-I-I could use a research assistant.
Cordelia: (to Giles) Let's go, tact-guy.
-
Intern: What happened?
(at the same time)
Xander: She fell.
Willow: The flu.
Cordelia: She fainted.
Xander: The flu, fainted and fell. She's sick, make it better!
-
Cordelia: So this isn't you being afraid of hospitals 'cause your friend died and you wanna conjure up a monster that you can fight so you can save everybody and not feel so helpless?
Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact?
Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I'll pass.
-
Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I... never have.
-
Xander: Man, Buffy! My whole life just flashed before my eyes! I gotta get me a life!