Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Ford: This is so cool! I would totally live here. Spike: Do I have anyone on watch here? It's called security, people. Are you all asleep? Or did we finally find a restaurant that delivers? Ford: I know who you are. Spike: Yeah? I know who I am too, what's your point?

Buffy: Ford, these people don't deserve to die! Ford: Well, neither do I. But apparently no one took that into consideration, because I'm still dying. I look good, don't I? Well, let me tell you something: I've got maybe six months left, and by then what they bury won't even look like me. It'll be bald, and shriveled, and it'll smell bad. No. I'm not going out that way. I'm sorry, Summers. Did I screw up your righteous anger riff? Does the nest of tumors liquefying my brain kinda spoil the fun? Buffy: I'm sorry. I had no idea. But what you're doing is still very wrong. Ford: Okay, well, you try vomiting for twenty-four hours straight because the pain in your head is so intense, and then we'll discuss the concept of right and wrong. These people are sheep. They want to be vampires because they're lonely, miserable or bored. I don't have a choice. Buffy: You have a choice. You don't have a good choice, but you have a choice. You're opting for mass murder here, and nothing you say is going to make that okay! Ford: You think I need to justify myself to you? Buffy: I think this is all part of your little fantasy drama! Isn't this exactly how you imagined it? You tell me how you've suffered and I feel sorry for you. Well, I do feel sorry for you, and if those vampires come in here and start feeding, I'll kill you myself! Ford: You know what, Summers? I really did miss you.

Willow: Angel, if I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me? Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous? Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way. Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feeling guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.

(After finding nothing about Ford on the internet.) Angel: He leaves no paper trail, no records, that's incriminating enough. Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one. Angel: Could you not call me that?

Cordelia: I don't see why everyone picks on Marie Antoinette. I can so relate to her. She worked really hard to look that good and people don't appreciate that kind of effort. And I know the peasants were all depressed... Xander: I think you mean oppressed. Cordelia: Whatever. They were really cranky. So they're like "Let's lose some heads!" Ah! That's fair! And Marie Antoinette cared about them, she was gonna let them have cake.

Buffy: They seemed pretty friendly. Xander: Who's friendly? Buffy: No one. Willow: Angel and a girl. Buffy: Willow, do we have to be in total share mode? Xander: Hey, it's me, if Angel's doing something wrong I want to know. 'Cause it gives me a happy.

Buffy: So, what did you do last night? Angel: Nothing. Buffy: Nothing at all? You ceased to exist?

Drusilla: My mummy used to sing me to sleep at night. "Run and catch, The lamb is caught in the blackberry patch." She had the sweetest voice. What will your mummy sing when they find your body? James: I'm not supposed to talk to people. Drusilla: Oh? Well, I'm not a person.

(Buffy and Giles stand in front of Buffy's friend's grave.) Buffy: Does it ever get easy? Giles: You mean life? Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy? Giles: What do you want me to say? Buffy: Lie to me. Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after. (After a moments pause) Buffy: Liar.

Giles: I believe that's called growing up. Buffy: I'd like to stop then, okay?

Ford: I want to be one of you. A vampire. Spike: I've known you for two minutes and I can barely stand you. I don't really feature you living forever.

Ford: This is the part where you pull out a pocket watch and say, "You've got thirty seconds to convince me not to kill you." It's traditional. Spike: Yeah, well, I'm not much of one for tradition. (to Drusilla) Can I eat him now, pet?

Xander: In no way do we stick out like sore thumbs. Willow: But do they really stick out? Sore thumbs, I mean. Have you ever looked at somebody's thumb and thought, "Wow, that baby looks sore"? Xander: You have too many thoughts.

Drusilla: (to the bird) You sing the sweetest little song. Won't you sing for me, hmm? Don't you love me anymore? Come on. I'll pout if you don't sing. I'll give you a seed if you sing. Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead! Just like the last one.

Xander: That's Angel. He's Buffy's special friend. Ford: He's not in school right? He looks older than her. Xander: You're not wrong.

Angel: Do you love me? Buffy: What? Angel: Do you? Buffy: I love you. I don't know if I trust you. Angel: Maybe you shouldn't do either. Buffy: Maybe I should be the one to decide.

Chantarelle: This is a beautiful day. Can't you see that? Buffy: What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar.

Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste... Buffy: And you made her a vampire. Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon. Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth.

Willow: The Lonely Ones? Angel: Vampires. Xander: Oh! We usually call them the nasty, pointy, bitey ones. Chanterelle: So many people have that misconception.