Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Harmony: You're the hair puller, ya big girl!

Buffy: (About Giles' idea of buying The Magic Box) Boy, you really thought this through. How bored were you last year? Giles: I watched Passions with Spike. Let us never speak of it.

Buffy: Have you ever run a store before? Giles: I was a librarian for years, this is exactly the same, except people pay for the things they never return.

Spike: Look at you, Harm, all puffed up and mighty, thinking you're the new big bad. It's, uh... well, let's face it, it's adorable.

Dawn: Willow and Tara do spells and stuff, which is so much cooler than Slaying. I told Mom one time I wished they'd teach me some of the things they do together. And then she got really quiet and made me go upstairs.

Dawn: I could so save the world if somebody handed me super powers... but I'd think of a cool name and wear a mask to protect my loved ones, which Buffy doesn't even.

Harmony: I've found the real me, and I like her. Spike: Hope you'll be very happy together. In the meantime, save Slayer slaying for the professionals. Harmony: You'll see. Buffy'll be dead by sunrise. I've got a plan. Spike: Lemme guess. Snatch one of her friends, use 'em as bait, lead her into a trap. That sort of thing? Harmony: No! A much, much better one. I'm not gonna tell you! Spike: Thought so. Best of luck. Let me know how this arch-villain thing works out for you. Harmony: (to Spike who's walking away) I'll do that. And after Buffy is gone? I'm gonna kill everybody in this town that was ever mean to me... Spike! (to her minions) Guys! New plan.

Harmony: I've been doing my homework, reading books and stuff. Spike: What, "Evil For Dummies"?

Anya: (While playing The Game of Life) Crap! Look at this -- now I'm burdened with a husband and several tiny pink children, and more cash than I can reasonably manage. Xander: That means you're winning. Anya: Really? Xander: Yes, cash equals good. Anya: Ooh! I'm so pleased. Can I trade in the children for more cash?

Xander: You nut. Your mom loves you both equally. But if I'm wrong, I find money usually helps tip the scale. Slip Joyce a 10 or a 20 once in a while. Then we'll see who's the favorite. Dawn: (voice-over) He says I'm like a kid sister... Xander: Here comes the judge! Dawn: (voice-over)...but sometimes when he looks at me, I feel like he sees me as I am...(Dawn has icecream all over her face) ...as a woman.

Riley: So you want your mother to give you space to be a Slayer, and shield you from it at the same time? Buffy: Thank you, logic boy. Did I mention this is a rant? Sense really has no place in it. Riley: I'm getting that. What's the deal, Buffy? You seem really- Buffy: Oh, trash can. From a distance it looked kinda- Riley: Tense. Buffy: Nooo, I-I was gonna say brown, squat, shadowy... Riley: Uh-hu Back to what I was saying before we were rudely attacked by nothing. You seem tense.

Joyce: Dawn, be good. Xander: Oh, we will. We're just gonna play with matches, run with scissors, take candy from... some guy... I don't know his name. Dawn: (voice-over) Xander treats everyone like an equal. He doesn't look down on people. Anya: Hello there, little girl. Dawn: (voice-over) Even when he should. Anya: We are gonna have fun, fun, fun. Look, I've got Monopoly, Clue, and ooh, the Game of Life! That sounds good!

Dawn: (writing in her journal) Xander is so much cuter than anyone. And smarter too. He totally skipped college and got a job working construction. Which is so kind of ... deep, you know? He builds things. And he's brave too. Just last week he went undercover to stop that Dracula guy.

Harmony: What's your question? Cyrus: When are we gonna do it? Harmony: Eww! That's rude. I barely know you. And you're a minion. Mort: He means the plan! When are we gonna do the plan?

Dawn: (while writing in her journal) I don't think Buffy's Watcher likes me too much. I think it's 'cause he's just so... old. I'm not sure how old he is, but I heard him use the word "newfangled" one time, so he's got to be pretty far gone.

Buffy: I wouldn't have Harmony over when she was alive!

Dawn: Killing things with wood? Ooh, scary vampires--they die from a splinter.

Buffy: Don't break anything. Just don't touch anything. Dawn: (voice-over) Not that Buffy's really changed at all. Like she ever would. Buffy: What you're doing right now, not moving? Good. Keep doing that. Dawn: (voice-over) She still thinks I'm little Miss Nobody. Just her dumb little sister. Boy, is she in for a surprise.

Buffy: No, but, see, Mom, that doesn't really work for me. We're just going to the magic shop, no school supplies there. Dawn: Yeah Mom. I'm not going to Hogwarts. (chuckles) Hog—(looks at Buffy, who's not amused) Jeez, crack a book sometime.

Dawn: (writing in her journal, voice-over) Nobody knows who I am... not the real me. It's like nobody cares enough to find out. I mean, does anyone ever ask me what I want to do with my life? Or what my opinion is on stuff? Or what restaurant to order in from? No - underline, exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point. No one understands. No one has an older sister who's a Slayer.

Buffy: Giles, are you breaking up with your car? Giles: Well, it did seduce me, all red and sporty! Buffy: Little two-door tramp.

Buffy: Are you mad at me? Riley: Oh, no, not at all. I'm plotting your death, but in a happy way.

Harmony: So, Slayer. At last we meet. Buffy: We've met Harmony you half-wit.