Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Willow: I can't believe she lied to Giles. My world is all askew. Xander: Buffy's lying, Buffy's going to frat parties. That's not askew, that's cockeyed. Willow: Askew means cockeyed. Xander: Oh.

Cordelia: (about going to a frat party) This isn't about fun. This is about duty, your duty to help me achieve permanent prosperity. Okay? Do's and dont's: don't wear black, silk, chiffon, or spandex. These are my trademarks. And don't do that weird thing with your hair. Buffy: What weird thing with my-- Cordelia: Don't interrupt. Do be interested if someone should speak to you. It may or may not happen, but do be polite and laugh at the appropriate intervals. Do lie to your mom about where we're going. It's a fraternity, and there will be drinking.

Buffy: I'm Buffy Summers. Tom: Oh, nice to meet you. Are you a senior here? Buffy: Junior. Tom: Oh, me too... except that I'm a senior and I'm in college. So we have that in common, and I major in history. Buffy: History stumps me. I have a hard enough time remembering what happened last week. Tom: Nah, nothing happened last week. Don't worry, I was there.

Xander: And we thought just because we didn't have any money or anyplace to go this would be a lackluster evening. Willow: I know! We could go to the Bronze and sneak in our own tea bags and ask for hot water. Xander: Hop off the outlaw train, Will, before you land us all in jail.

Giles: Buffy, you think I don't know what it's like to be sixteen? Buffy: No. I think you don't know what it's like to be sixteen. And a girl. And the Slayer. Giles: Fair enough, no, I don't.

Richard: So, who's your friend? (indicates Buffy) Cordelia: Her? Oh, she's not my friend. Tom: She's amazing! Cordelia: She's more like a sister, really! We're that close.

Cordelia: Buffy! Did you lose weight? And your hair... Alright, I respect you too much to be dishonest. The hair's a little... Well, that really isn't the point here, is it?

Willow: You're going to the fraternity party? What made you change your mind? Buffy: Angel. Willow: He's going with you? (to Xander) She's got a date with Angel! Isn't that exciting? Xander: I'm elated. Buffy: I'm not going with Angel. I'm going with -- ye gods -- Cordelia. Willow: Cordelia?! (to Xander) Did I sound a little jealous just then, 'cause I'm not really... Cordelia?!

Tom: (to Buffy) We're not all a bunch of drunken louts. Some of us are sober louts.

Cordelia: You know what's so cool about college? The diversity! You have all the rich people, and all the other people.

Buffy: Well, say it. Xander: I'm not gonna say it Willow: You lied to Giles! Xander: 'Cause she will.

Xander: Boy, what a long day! Willow: And you skipped three classes. Xander: Yeah, and of course they flew by.

Cordelia: (runs into a parked car) Why do they park so darn close to you?

Xander: Cordelia's much better for you than Angel. Willow: What happened with Angel? Buffy: Nothing, as usual. A whole lotta nothing with Angel. Xander: Bummer. Willow: I don't understand. I mean, he likes you. More than likes. Buffy: Angel barely says two words to me. Xander: Don't you hate that? Buffy: And when he does, he treats me like I'm a child. Xander: That bastard!

Xander: So Cor, are you printing up business cards with your pager number and hours of operation, or are you just going with a halter top tonight? Cordelia: Oh, are we feeling a little envious? You could belong to a fraternity of rich and powerful men... in the Bizarro World!

Buffy: Who needs a social life when you've got your very own Hellmouth? Giles: Yes! You have a duty, a purpose. You have a commitment in life. Now how many people your age can say that? Buffy: We talkin' foreign or domestic? How 'bout none?

Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after. Buffy: No. When you kiss me I want to die.

Angel: You're sixteen years old. I'm two hundred and forty-one. Buffy: I've done the math.

Xander: Okay, so tonight, channel fifty-nine, Indian TV, sex, lies, incomprehensible story lines. I'll bring the betel nuts.

Xander: So, Cor, you're datin' college guys now. Cordelia: Well, not that it's any of your business, but I happen to be dating a Delta Zeta Kappa. Xander: Oh! An extra-terrestrial. So that's how you get a date after you exhausted all the human guys.

Cordelia: And you! You are going to jail for fifteen thousand years!

Richard: Hi sweetheart, I'm Richard, and you are... Buffy: So not interested.

Angel: She found the bracelet in the cemetery, near the south wall. Giles: The south wall...(looks at Willow, who is fascinated by the glass Angel is standing in front of) What are you doing? Willow: Oh! Sorry. The reflection thing, you don't have. Angel, how do you shave?

Xander: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list?

Cordelia: You'll go to college someday, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many riveting places.

Angel: Buffy. Buffy: Angel. Xander: (sarcastic) Xander.

Willow: You want to protect her? Xander: Mm-hmm. Willow: And prove that you're just as good as those rich snotty guys? Xander: Mm-hmm. Willow: Maybe catch an orgy? Xander: If it's on early.

Buffy: I wasn't lying. I was just protecting him from information that he wouldn't be able to digest properly. Xander: Like a corn dog. Willow: Like you don't have a sick mother, but you'd rather go to a frat party where there's gonna be drinking, and older guys, and probably an orgy. Xander: Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho, rewind. Since when do they have orgies, and why aren't I on the mailing list? Buffy: There's no orgies!

Cordelia: Oh, Buffy, it's like we're sisters! With really different hair.

Cordelia: Come on, Richard and his fraternity brother want to meet you. Buffy: Well, I don't really want to meet any fraternity boys. Cordelia: And if there was a god, don't you think he'd keep it that way?

Xander: Why is she singing? Willow: She's sad because her lover gave her 12 gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole... fish thing. Xander: Uh-huh. Why's she singing? Buffy: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor. Willow: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.

Xander: Angel, Angel, Angel. Does every conversation we have have to come around to that freak? (sees Angel standing next to him) Hey man, how you doing?

Willow: South wall, that's near the college and, the fraternity house! Giles: The fraternity? Angel: That's where they're taking these girls? (Willow nods) Well, let's get out there. Willow: Buffy! Giles: Well, there's nothing concrete, so let's not disturb her until- Willow: Is there! With Cordelia. They went to a party at the Zeta Kappa house. Giles: She lied to me? Willow: Well... Angel: Did, did she have a date? Willow: Well... why do you think she went to that party?! Because you gave her the brush-off. (to Giles) And you never let her do anything except work and patrol and I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure. I mean, she's sixteen going on forty.(to Angel) And you! You're gonna live forever. You don't have time for a cup of coffee? Okay, I don't feel better now, and we've gotta help Buffy. (both stand there ashamed for a minute, then follow Willow)

Xander: Don't you just hate those kind of guys? Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Willow: With their charmed lives, movie star good looks and more money than you can count? Uh, huh, I'm hating!