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Buffy: Are you quite finished? It's over, okay? I'm going to ignore you and you're going to go away. You're really gonna have to get over the whole primal power thing. You're not the source of me. Also, in terms of hair care, you really want to say, "What kind of impression am I making in the workplace" because...
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First Slayer: No friends. Just kill. We are alone.
Buffy: That's it. I'm waking up.
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Tara: You think you know. What's to come. What you are. You haven't even begun.
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Tara: Be back before dawn.
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Riley: We're drawing up a plan for world domination. The key element? Coffee makers that think.
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The Cheese Man: (holding up a plate of cheese slices) These... will not protect you.
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Buffy: Well, at least you all didn't dream about that guy with the cheese. Don't know where the hell that came from.
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Buffy: (about The first slayer) You know, you could have brought that up to us before we did it.
Giles: I did! I said there could be dire consequences.
Buffy: Yes, but you say that about chewing too fast.
-
Willow: The first Slayer. Wow.
Xander: Not big with the socialization.
Willow: Or the floss.
-
Spike: I've hired myself out as an attraction.
Giles: Sideshow freak?
Spike: Well, at least it's showbiz.
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Anya: I think this is going to be a very big year for vengeance.
Xander: But isn't vengeance kind of vengeful?
Anya: You don't want me to have a hobby.
Xander: Not a vengeance hobby, no. It's dangerous. People can't do anything they want. Society has rules and borders and an end zone.
-
Joyce: Hey.
Xander: Hey Joyce.... Mrs. Summers. We're not making too much noise down there, are we?
Joyce: Oh, no. Anyway, they all left a while ago.
Xander: Oh, I should probably go catch up.
Joyce: I've heard that before.
Xander: I move pretty fast. You know, a man's always after-
Joyce: Conquest?
Xander: I'm a conquistador.
Joyce: You sure it isn't comfort?
Xander: I'm a comfortador also.
Joyce: I do know the difference. I've learned about boys.
Xander: That's cool about you.
Joyce: It's very late. Would you like to rest for a while?
Xander: Um, yeah. I'd like you. I'm just... gonna go to the bathroom first.
Joyce: Don't get lost.
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Anya: (about Willow's clothes) It's exactly like a Greek tragedy. There should only be Greeks.
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Willow: I don't know why it's after me.
Buffy: Well, you must have done something.
Willow: No, I never do anything. I'm very seldom naughty.
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Giles: Acting isn't about behaving, it's about hiding. The audience wants to find you, strip you naked, and eat you alive, so hide. Stop that. Now, costumes, sets... um, the things that, you know, um, you hold them, you touch them, use them, um...
Harmony: Props?
Giles: No.
Riley: Props?
Giles: Yes. It's all about subterfuge. (to Harmony) That's very annoying. Now, go out there, lie like dogs, and have a wonderful time.
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Xander: Well, we got plenty of vids. And I'm putting in a preemptive bid for "Apocalypse Now", huh?
Willow: Did you get anything less heart-of-darkness-y?
Xander: "Apocalypse Now" is a gay romp. It's the feel-good movie of whatever year it was.
Buffy: What else?
Xander: Don't worry. Got plenty of chick-and-British-guy flicks too. These puppies should last us all night.
-
Xander: Dinner is served. And my very own recipe.
Willow: Ooh, you pushed the button on the microwave that says "popcorn"?
Xander: Actually, I pushed "defrost", but Joyce was there in the clinch.
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Spike: Giles here is gonna teach me to be a watcher. Says I got the stuff!
Giles: Spike's like a son to me.
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Buffy: I walk, I talk, I shop, I sneeze. I'm gonna be a fireman when the floods roll back. There's trees in the desert since you moved out. And I don't sleep on a bed of bones. Now give me back my friends!
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Riley: I got here early, so I got to be Cowboy Guy!
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Giles: (singing)
Strange, it's not like anything we've faced before
but it seems familiar somehow...
Of course!
The spell we cast with Buffy
must have released some primal evil
that's come back seeking...
I'm not sure what.
Willow, look through the chronicles
for some reference to a warrior-beast!
I've got to warn Buffy!
There's every chance she might be next!
Xander, help Willow
and try not to bleed on my couch
I just had it steam-cleaned...
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Tara/The Primitive: I have no speech. No name. I live in the action of death. The blood cry. The penetrating wound. I am destruction. Absolute... Alone.
Buffy: The Slayer?
Tara/The Primitive: The First.
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Buffy: But what else could I expect from a bunch of low-rent no-account hoodlums like you, hoodlums, yes, I mean you and your friends, your whole sex, throw 'em in the sea for all I care, throw 'em in and wait for the bubbles, men with your groping and spitting all groin no brain three billion of you passing around the same worn-out urge. Men! With your... sales!
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Xander: You gotta have something. Gotta be with moving forward.
Buffy: Like a shark.
Xander: Like a shark with feet and... much less fins.
Spike: And on land.
Giles: Very good!
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Xander: (to Snyder) You know, I never got to tell you how glad I was that you got eaten by a snake.
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Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell... then I do a spell by myself.
-
Buffy: Want some popcorn?
Xander: Butter flavor?
Buffy: New car smell.
Giles: Oh I think I'm beginning to understand this now its all about the journey isn't it!
Xander: Well thanks for making me have to pee.
Buffy: You don't need any help with that, right?
Xander: Got a system.
-
The Cheese Man: I wear the cheese it does not wear me.
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Giles: (to Spike, on the swing set) Come on, put your back into it! A Watcher scoffs at gravity!