Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Spike: Nice work, love. Buffy: Who are you? Spike: You'll find out on Saturday. Buffy: What happens on Saturday? Spike: I kill you.

Xander: So, this night of St. Vigeous deal. If they're going to attack in force, aren't we thinking vacation? Willow: We can't run, that would be wrong. Could we hide?

Cordelia: (to Buffy) Giles has us locked up in that library working on your weapons. Even slaves get minimum wage.

Cordelia: (to Buffy) Is that your mom? Now that is a woman that knows how to moisturize. Did it, like, skip a generation?

Cordelia: (about Joyce and Principal Snyder) When they're done talking... Buffy: What? Cordelia: My guess? Tenth high school reunion, you'll still be grounded.

Giles: Our new friend Spike. He's known as "William the Bloody". Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well, here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is. Oh... Xander: That's a bad look, right? Giles: I think your suggestion of running away this Saturday might have been a good one. Spike has fought two Slayers in the last century, and... he's killed them both.

Spike: A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.

Joyce: Principal Snyder said you were a troublemaker. And I could care less. I have a daughter who can take care of herself. Who's brave and resourceful and thinks of others in a crisis. No matter who you hang out with, or what dumb teenage stuff you think you need to do, I'm gonna sleep better knowing all that. Buffy: About how long 'til this wears off and you start ragging on me again? Joyce: Oh, at least a week and a half. Buffy: Very cool!

Spike: Slaaayer! Here, kitty, kitty. I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck 'em dry. And use their bones to bash your head in.

Buffy: La vache... doit me... touche... de la... jeudi. (looks at Willow) Was it wrong? Should I use the plural? Willow: No. But you said, "The cow should touch me from Thursday." Buffy: Maybe that's what I was feeling. Willow: And you said it wrong. Buffy: Oh, je stink.

Giles: This Saturday's going to need a great deal of preparation. Willow: Well, we'll help. Xander: Yeah, I'll whittle stakes. Willow: And I can research stuff. Xander: And while I'm whittling, I plan to whistle a jaunty tune. Giles: Yes, your help will be greatly appreciated, but when it comes to battle, Buffy must fight alone. You are, after all, the Slay... (sees Snyder in the hall) ...slay-ve. Slaves. You're, you're all slaves to the, uh, television.

Giles: Ms. Calendar has been researching, well, surfing on her computer, and she's... Well, according to her calculations, this Saturday is the night of St. Vigeous. Buffy: Let me guess: he didn't make balloon animals.

Buffy: What can you really tell about a person from a test score? Joyce: Whether or not she's ever going out with her friends again. Buffy: Oh, that.

Buffy: Ow! Joyce: What's wrong? Buffy: I spent a good part of my allowance on this new cream rinse, and it's neither creamy nor rinsey. Joyce: Life is hard, dear.

Buffy: Do you think any other Slayers ever had to go to high school? Xander: It's no biggie. You'll have a nice soirée. The parents will love it. As long as nothing really bad happens between now and then, you'll be fine. Buffy: Are you crazy? What did you say that for? Now something bad is gonna happen! Xander: Whadaya mean? Nothing's gonna happen. Willow: Not until some dummy says, "as long as nothing bad happens." Buffy: It's the ultimate jinx! Willow: What were you thinking? Or were you even thinking at all?

Xander: (About Angel) Okay, that's it. I'm putting a collar with a little bell on that guy.

Buffy: We were at The Bronze before. Thought you said you might show. Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going. Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for what, like two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show? Willow: Wow, two centuries of dating. If you only had two a year, that's still, like, four hundred dates with four hundred different... Why do they call it a mace? Giles: We do have slightly more urgent matters to discuss.

Police Chief Bob: I need to say something to the media people. Snyder: So? Police Chief Bob: So, you want the usual story? Gang related? PCP? Snyder: What'd you have in mind, the truth? Police Chief Bob: Right. Gang related. PCP.

Willow: She was already smoking in fifth grade. Once I was lookout for her. Xander: You're bad to the bone. Willow: I'm a rebel.

Snyder: She ditched. Hmmmmm. I feel an expulsion coming on.

Xander: So, when you gave him my neck to chew on, why didn't you clock him before he had the chance to clock you? Angel: I told you. I couldn't make the first move. I had to see if he was buying it or not. Xander: And if he bit me, what then? Angel: We would've known he bought it.

(Joyce hits Spike with an axe.) Joyce: You get the hell away from my daughter! Spike: Women! (Spike gets up and leaves the school.)

Parent: Who are those people? What do they want? Joyce: I didn't get much of a look, but is there something wrong with their faces? Snyder: Yes. PCP... It's a gang on PCP!

Snyder: A lot of educators tell students "think of a principal as your pal". I say "think of me as your judge, jury, and executioner". Tell me, who do you think is the most troublesome student in this school? Well, it is quite a match between you two. On the one hand, Buffy hasn't stabbed a horticulture teacher with a trowel. Sheila: I didn't stab anyone with a trowel. They were pruning shears. Snyder: On the other hand, Sheila has never burned down a school building. Buffy: Well, that was never proven. The Fire Marshall said it could have been mice. Snyder: Mice. Buffy: Mice that were smoking?

Drusilla: (to a gagged doll) See, Annabelle, if you hadn't been bad you could have watched.

Spike: (sing-song voice) Somebody's in the ceiling...

Spike: I'm a veal kind of guy, you're too old to eat...(snaps man's neck) but not to kill.

Spike: Do you know what I've found works really good with Slayers? Killing them.

Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have someone out there. Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you? Angel: Everything. Spike: Yeah? Come up against this Slayer yet? Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog "I'm all tortured" act. Keeps her off my back when I feed. Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world! Xander: I knew you were lying! Undead liar guy!

Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they really deserve it. Or if it's that time of the month, in which case, I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible... Willow: Ask for some aspirin. Cordelia: And can you please send some asp... hey!

Cordelia: (making stake) My fingers are cramping. How long have I been doing this? Xander: Three minutes. Cordelia: So, can I go now? She doesn't need this many stakes. I mean, if this guy Spike is as mean as you all said, it should be over pretty quickly. (Buffy looks up at her) We're still all rooting for you on Saturday. I'd be there for you myself if I didn't have a leg wax.

Joyce: So, what do you think your teachers are going to tell me about you? Buffy: Well, I think they'll all agree that I always bring a pen to class, ready to absorb the knowledge.

Spike: You were my sire, man! You were my Yoda! Angel: Things change. Spike: Not us! Not demons. Man, I can't believe this. You Uncle Tom!

Drusilla: Do you like daisies? Hmm? I plant them, but they always die. Everything I put in the ground withers and dies. Spike? I'm cold. Spike: (putting his jacket around her) I've got you. Drusilla: I'm a princess. Spike: That's what you are.

Drusilla: You'll kill the Slayer, and then we'll have a nice little celebration. With streamers... and songs.

Drusilla: I think sometimes that all my hair will fall out, and I'll be bald.

Spike: Oh yeah. I did a couple Slayers in my time. Don't like to brag... Oh, who am I kidding, I love to brag!

Spike: Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock... I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. Fed off a flower person and spent the next six hours watching my hand move.

Spike: From now on, we're going to have a little less ritual and a little more fun around here!

Giles: For three nights the unholy ones scourge themselves into a fury, culminating in a savage attack on the night of St. Vigeous. Xander: Does anyone remember when Saturday night used to be date night? Cordy: You sure don't.