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Willow: I just wanted us not to fight anymore. I love you.
Tara: If you don't want to fight, you don't fight. You don't use magick to make a fight disappear.
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Buffy: (about Spike) If I would just stop saving his life, it would simple things up so much.
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Anya: This is the book for us.
Giles: Oh, good. Does it focus on mind control, or-or memory loss?
Anya: Not exactly, I just, um ... my intuition tells me this is the book. And I figure being a magic shop owner and a natural at the supernatural, I should trust my intuition.
Giles: Yes, fine, but as you recall, I too am a magic shop owner.
Anya: True, but my intuition says that you're not so much the magic guy and more of a paperwork type.
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"Joan": I kill your kind.
"Randy": And I bite yours. So how come I don't want to bite you? And why am I fighting other vampires? I must be a noble vampire. A good guy. On a mission of redemption. I help the helpless. I'm a vampire with a soul!
"Joan": A vampire with a soul? Oh my God. How lame is that?
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Giles: Clearly that is not a helpful book darling. Come down and we will go about fixing this in a sensible fashion.
Anya: Sensible? You think its sensible for me to go down into that pit of cotton top hell and let them hippity hop all over my vulnerable flesh?
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"Joan": Monsters are real. Did we know this?
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Willow: I didn't mean to...
Tara: Didn't mean to what? Violate my mind like that?
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"Randy": Randy Giles? Why not just call me Horny Giles or Desperate-For-A-Shag Giles?
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"Joan": I think I know why Joan's the boss. I'm like a superhero or something.
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Spike: Take it easy, you'll get your kittens.
Shark Demon: Oh, I trust you, Mister Spike.
Buffy: Oh God, what is it with you guys? Why kittens? Why can't you just use money like everybody else?
Shark demon: (to Spike) She's funny. I like funny in a girl.
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"Randy": Oh, listen to Mary Poppins! He's got his crust all stiff and upper with that nancy-boy accent. You Englishmen are always so… Bloody hell. Sodding, blimey, shagging, knickers, bollocks. Oh, God. I'm English.
Giles: Welcome to the nancy tribe.
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Anya: I don't see any booze, I don't feel any head bumps, I don't see Allen Funt.
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Giles: I'm afraid we don't know a bloody thing... except I seem to be British, don't I? Oh, and a man. With glasses. Well, that narrows it down considerably.
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Dawn: How are you?
Willow: A little confused. I mean, I'm... all sweaty... and trapped, no memory, hiding in a pipe from a vampire... and I think I'm kinda gay.
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Xander: So I have decided to simplify the whole thing. Me like Buffy. Buffy's alive. So me glad.
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"Randy": I'm a hero, really. I mean, to be cast such an ugly lot in life, and then to rise above it. To seek out better, nobler things. It's inspirational, isn't it? And the two of us -- natural enemies thrown together, to stand against the forces of darkness. Utter trust. No thought of me biting you, no thought of you staking me.
"Joan": Depends on how long you keep on yapping.
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"Randy": I'm sure he has some kind of midlife crisis transport. Something red, shiny... shaped like a penis.
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Anya: What? I'm just saying what everyone else is thinking, right sweetie?
Xander: You are attractive and have many good qualities.
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Spike: We kissed, Buffy.
Buffy: So?
Spike: We... we kissed, you and me all Gone with the Wind, with the rising music and the rising... music and what was that, Buffy?
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Spike: Can we talk?
Buffy: Vocal chord wise? Yes. With each other? No.
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Anya: They're blood suckers, they kill by sucking blood, take it easy Joan.
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"Joan": Hey, stay away from Randy!