Xander, and most of the male population of Sunnydale High, are falling all over themselves trying to impress the new substitute Biology teacher, Ms. French. When Buffy sees this femme fatale scare off a particularly nasty vampire, however, she begins to suspect that Xander may be in serious trouble.moreless
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Buffy Anne Summers
Alexander 'Xander' Harris
We learn in this episode that Xander is still a virgin.
This is the only time Xander's middle name, LaVelle, is mentioned.
Goofs: When Ms. French is making her bug sandwich, she dumps the bugs onto the bread and a few scamper onto the plate. But when she picks up the sandwich to eat, there are no bugs on the plate. Also, look at Ms. French's sleeves when she's eating her bug sandwich. Depending on the angle (hands only or face and hands), the sleeves are either rolled up or down.
Goof: After slashing the mantis with a machete, Buffy wipes the blade on her pants. Oddly, it leaves no mark or stain on her pants, even though she had just used it to chop the bug into pieces.
Nitpick: It's odd that several days after his death, Dr. Gregory's broken glasses would still be on his desk. Surely, the police would have collected them for evidence.
Natalie: The praying mantis is a fascinating creature. Forced to live alone. Who can tell me why? Buffy?
Buffy: Well, the words "bug ugly" kinda spring to mind.
Xander: You two are probably a little young to understand what an older woman would see in a younger man.
Buffy: Oh, I understand.
Buffy: The younger man is too dumb to wonder why an older woman can't find someone her own age, and too desperate to care about the surgical improvements!
Buffy: Do you know Miss French, the teacher that's subbing for Dr. Gregory?
Giles: (smiles) Yes. Yes, she's lovely. In a common, extremely well proportioned way.
Xander: This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear, but... where did they put his head?
Willow: Good point. I didn't want to hear that.
Buffy: So, I'm an undead monster that can shave with my hand... How many things am I afraid of?
Giles: Not many. And not substitute teachers, as a rule.
Angel: I heard a rumor there was one less vampire walking around making a nuisance of himself.
Buffy: There is. Guess I should thank you for the tip.
Angel: Pleasure's mine.
Buffy: Course, it would make things easier if I knew how to get in touch with you.
Angel: I'll be around.
Buffy: Or who you were. (Angel just smiles) Well... anyway, you can have your jacket back.
Angel: It looks better on you. (Angel leaves, then looks back)
Buffy: Oh boy!
Giles: You went hunting last night.
Giles: When you assured me you wouldn't.
Buffy: Yes, I lied. I'm a bad person. Let's move on.
Xander: Well, he's buff! She never said anything about him being buff!
Willow: You think he's buff?
Xander: He's a very attractive man! How come that never came up?
Xander: (seeing Angel give Buffy his coat) Oh right, give her your jacket. It's a balmy night, nobody needs to be trading clothing out there.
Blayne: Seven, including Cheryl. I'll tell you, though, her sister was lookin' to make it eight!
Blayne's Friend: Oooh, Cheryl's sister? The one in college?
Blayne: Home for the holidays and lookin' for love! She's not my type though, girls really gotta have something to go with me.
Xander: Something like a lobotomy?
Buffy (after finding Natalie's house using a vampire): Better than radar.
Giles: Recording bat sonar is something soothingly akin to having one's teeth drilled.
Buffy: And you need to record bat sonar, and fast.
Giles: Bat sonar, right… What?
Buffy: Bats eat them. A mantis hears sonar, it's entire nervous system goes kaplooey.
Giles: Where am I going to find…
Buffy: In the Vid Library. There are no books, but it's dark and musty. You'll feel right at home. Go.
Buffy: Well, your buddy, Carlyle faced it, and he's still around.
Giles: Yes. In a straightjacket howling his innards out day and night.
Buffy: Okay, Admiral. Way to inspire the troops.
Natalie: Should I change? Is this too…
Xander: No, no. It's the most beautiful chest – dress I've ever seen.
Natalie: Thank you. That's sweet.
Giles: Um, this computer invasion that Willow's performing on the coroner's office. One assumes it is entirely legal…
Buffy: Of course.
Giles: Right. Wasn't here… didn't see it… couldn't have stopped you.
Buffy: Good idea.
Buffy: (talking about Natalie) Whatever she is, I'm gonna be ready for her.
Giles: What are you going to do?
Buffy: My homework. Where are the books on bugs?
Buffy: (talking about Natalie French) No, I'm not saying she craned her neck. We're talking full-on Exorcist twist.
Cordelia: (talking to the school counselor) It was... let's just say I haven't been able to eat a thing since yesterday. I think I lost, like, 7½ ounces – way swifter than that so-called diet that quack put me on. Oh, I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher every day just so I can lose weight. I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side, you know? Like, how even used Mercedes still have leather seats.
Xander: So, there's something else out there besides Silverware Man? Oh, this is fun. We're on Monster Island.
Xander: Hey, those that can, do. Those that can't, laugh at those who can do.
Giles: God, every day here is the same.
Buffy: Bright, sunny, beautiful… however can we escape this torment?
Buffy: (noticing big cuts on Angel's arm) What happened?
Angel: I didn't pay attention.
Buffy: To somebody with a big fork?
Angel: He's coming.
Buffy: The fork guy?
Angel: Don't let him corner you. Don't give him a moment's mercy. He'll rip your throat out.
Buffy: Okay. I'll give you improved marks for that one. Ripping a throat out, it's a strong visual. It's not cryptic.
Giles: (on the phone with former watcher Carlyle Ferris) You were right all along, about everything... Well, no, you weren't right about your mother coming back as a Pekinese.
Principal Flutie: I really believe if we all reach out to one another we can beat this thing. I'm always here if you need a hug, but not a real hug! Because there's no touching, this school is sensitive to wrong touching.
Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh...I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!
Buffy: Hot dog surprise. Be still, my heart.
Willow: Call me old-fashioned, I don't want any more surprises in my hot dogs.
Buffy: Well look who's here!
Buffy: I'd say it's nice to see you, but then we both know that's a big fib.
Angel: I won't be long.
Buffy: No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe, and then disappear into the night, right?
Buffy: What are you doing?
Xander: Work with me here, Blayne had the nerve to question my manliness. I'm just gonna give him a visual.
Willow: (throws her arms around him tightly) We'll show him.
Xander: You alright?
Buffy: Thanks to you.
Buffy: You hurt your hand, will you still be able to...
Xander: ...finish my solo and kiss you like you've never been kissed before?
Buffy: You're drooling.
Xander: I realize it's no mystery guy handing out leather jackets, and while we're on the subject, what kind of a girlie name is Angel anyway?
Natalie: Oh, Xander! I've done something really stupid. I hope you can forgive me.
Xander: Oh, forgiveness is my middle name! Well, actually it's LaVelle, and I'd appreciate it if you guard that secret with your life.
Xander: I wonder what she sees in me? It's probably the quiet good looks coupled with a certain smoky magnetism.
Xander: It's funny how the Earth never opens up and swallows you when you want it to.
Giles: That's all he said? Fork Guy?
Buffy: That's all Cryptic Guy said: Fork Guy.
Giles: I think there are too many guys in your life.
Flutie: We all need help with our feelings. Otherwise, we bottle them up, and before you know it powerful laxatives are involved.
Already Met You by Super Fine - At the Bronze when Xander is snubbed
Stoner Love by Super Fine - At the Bronze at the end of the episode
Angel gives Buffy his leather jacket in this episode, which she wears often through at least the next two seasons.
This episode begins Xander's unconscious and continuing attraction to women who are either evil or demonic.
Cordelia has just two scenes in this episode. In the original script she had another one, but it was cut for length. The scene had her approaching Buffy and Willow at the Bronze and dissing them for sitting at her favorite table.
Xander: I'm exempting shwarma, of course. I mean, what's that all about? It's a big meat hive.
Shwarma is a meat dish of Middle Eastern origin, made with beef, chicken, or lamb, and sometimes served in a pita (variations may depend on region or personal taste).
Xander: Oh this is fun. We're on Monster Island.
"Monster Island" was the name of an island in the South Pacific which was home to Godzilla and a number of other gigantic beasts in several Tokyo produced monster movies.
Monster Island is also the name of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel crossover novel.
Buffy: No, I'm not saying she craned her neck, we are talking full-on Exorcist twist.
Buffy compares the teacher's ability to rotate her head around completely on her neck to the famous scene in the classic 1973 horror movie The Exorcist, where the possessed girl (played by Linda Blair) turns her head around a full 360 degrees.
Blayne: Flag down on that play, babe.
An allusion to American football where the officials call a penalty by throwing a flag. It's common to hear an announcer say "there's a flag down on the play" to indicate that a penalty will be called. Here Blayne is trying to deflect the information that he's a virgin.
Blayne: I think it's eenie, meenie, miney...
Eeny, meeny, miney, moe is one of the many childhood methods of choosing among various people. The nonsense phrases come in various varieties with various lengths, but the basic idea is that you point to a different person for each word and the person pointed to on the last word is chosen.
Buffy: Well the words "bug ugly" spring to mind.
A twist on the slang expression butt ugly that is specially tailored to an insect.
Title: Teacher's Pet
Normally, the phrase teacher's pet means a favorite student. Here it is used ironically since the teacher herself is an insect which could be kept as a pet.
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