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Angel: Loneliness is about the scariest thing there is.
-
Giles: Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's taken a human life. The guilt, it's... it's pretty hard to bear. It won't go away soon.
Cordelia: I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
Giles: Yes, lets bring that up as often as possible.
-
Buffy: (about Ted) I just have so much to deal with, I don't need some new guy in my life.
Angel: Well, maybe your mom does.
Buffy: Well sure, if you're gonna use wisdom.
-
Joyce: (about Ted) He redid my entire system at the gallery, freed up a lot of my time.
Buffy: To meet new people. And smooch them in my kitchen.
-
Xander: Oh my god. Come on!
Willow: Where are you going? We need to find some evidence.
Xander: We found it.
Willow: Why? What was in the closet?
Xander: His last four wives.
-
Cordelia: (about Buffy) But she's like this Superman. Shouldn't there be different rules for her?
Willow: Sure, in a fascist society.
Cordelia: Right! Why can't we have one of those?
-
Xander: Hey, Cordy! Nice outfit.
Cordelia: Oh, very funny.
Xander: Not really.
Cordelia: What are you saying?
Xander: Nice outfit?
Cordelia: Well, why don't you just keep your mouth shut?
-
Xander: You wanna go to the utility closet to make out?
Cordelia: God, is that all you ever think about? (pause) Okay.
-
Xander: Willow, are you the best human ever. I adore you. Well, that's the cookies talking, but you rock!
-
Ted: So, Buffy, I bet the boys are lined up around the block tryin' to get a date with you.
Buffy: Not really.
Willow: Oh, they are, but she's only interested in... uh, her studies! 'Book-cracker Buffy', it's kind of her nickname.
-
Buffy: You died.
Ted: That's right, little lady, you killed me. Do we have something to
say about that? Are we sorry?
-
Buffy: Angel's sources say the contract's off.
Xander: How is Angel? Pretend I care.
-
Buffy: Fine, fine, I'll give Ted a chance. I'll play mini-golf, and I'll smile and curtsy and be the dutiful daughter. Do I have to like him?
Angel: Kiss me.
Buffy: Finally, something I want to do.
-
Buffy: Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts.
Willow: Not any big ones.
Buffy: Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good.
Willow: I just want to learn stuff.
Cordelia: Like how to build your own serial killer?
Xander: It's so hard to rent one nowadays.
-
Ted: Buffy, how about a nice game of Parcheesi?
-
Xander: Can you say "overreaction?"
Buffy: Can you say "sucking chest wound?"
-
Buffy: So far, all I see is someone who apparently has a good job, seems nice and polite, and my mother really likes him.
Xander: What kind of a monster is he?!
Buffy: I'm just saying there's something a little too clean about this clown.
Willow: He's a clean clown! I... have my own fun.
-
Xander: Who was the real power, The Captain or Tennille?
Buffy: Um, who are these people?
Xander: The Captain & Tennille? Boy, somebody was raised in a culture-free environment.
Buffy: I was just...
Willow: Thinking?
Buffy: No, not thinking. Having a lot of happy non-thoughts.
-
Buffy: So mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's favorite show," and "Ted's teaching me computers," and "Ted said the funniest thing," and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom," and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't wanna talk about Ted all the time.
Angel: So, you gonna talk about something else at some point?
-
Xander: You're having parental issues, you're having parental issues...
Willow: Xander...
Xander: What? Freud would've said the exact same thing. Except he might not have done that little dance.
-
Buffy: Vampires are creeps.
Giles: Yes, that's why one slays them.
Buffy: I mean, people are perfectly happy getting along, and then vampires come, and they run around and they kill people, and they take over your whole house, they start making these stupid little mini-pizzas, and everyone's like, "I like your mini pizzas," but I'm telling you, I am—
Giles: Uh, Buffy! I believe the subtext here is rapidly becoming, uh... text.