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Buffy: Xander, how do you feel about digging through some of Giles' personal files and seeing what you can find?
Xander: I feel pretty good about it. Does that make me a sociopath?
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Xander: Yep, yep, I knew this would happen. Nobody can be wound as straight and narrow as Giles without a dark side erupting. My Uncle Rory was the stodgiest taxidermist you've ever met by day. By night, it was booze, whores, and fur flying. Were there whores?
Buffy: He was alone.
Xander: Give it time.
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Xander: Y'know, computers are on the way out. I think paper's gonna make a big comeback.
Willow: And the abacus.
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Buffy: All's well that ends with cute ER doctors, I always say.
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Giles: Just don't be late.
Buffy: Have I ever let you down?
Giles: Do you want me to answer that, or shall I just glare?
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Cordelia: I've got the solution right here. "To kill a demon, cut off its head."
Xander: Oh, yeah, we'll find Ms. Calendar, then we'll decapitate her. Hey, she'll be the first headless computer teacher in school. You think anybody'll notice?
Cordelia: Do you know what you need, Xander, besides a year's supply of acne cream? A brain.
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Jenny: All right, guys, the first thing we're going to do is... Buffy.
Xander: Huh? Did I fall asleep already?
Willow: Aw, you miss your friends?
Xander: Sit here, Buffs. De-militarize the zone between me and Cordelia.
Cordelia: Yeah, and de-louse him while you're at it.
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Cordelia: Well, evil just compounds evil, doesn't it? First, I'm sentenced to a computer tutorial on Saturday. Now I have to read some computer book. There are books on computers? Isn't the point of computers to replace books?
Giles: Cordelia, I'm a little busy right now.
Cordelia: Oh! Great! Can you help me with a ticket? It's totally bogus. It was a one-way street. I was going one way.
Giles: Cordelia!
Cordelia: What?! Why does everyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf! And I can take a hint...what's the hint?
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Angel: Maybe he's late.
Buffy: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?
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Willow: Do you think Giles ever played "Anywhere But Here" when he was in school?
Xander: Giles lived for school, he's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Buffy: He probably sat in math class thinking, "There should be more math. This could be mathier."
Willow: Come on, you don't think he ever got restless as a kid?
Buffy: Are you kidding? His diapers were tweed.
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Buffy: And you know what? I have just the perfect music. Go on, say it. You know you want to.
Giles: It's not music, it's just, uh, meaningless sounds.
Buffy: There. Feel better?
Giles: Yes. Thanks.
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Jenny: Mm, no, I'm fine. I mean, I'm not... running around, wind in my hair, 'the hills are alive with the sound of music' fine, but... I'm coping.
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Cordelia: This is what happens when you have school on Saturday.
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Cordelia: I'm gonna be in therapy till I'm thirty.
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Xander: Dead guy here interrupted our tutorial. (To Philip) Been meaning to thank you for that.
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Buffy: I'm not going to lie. It was scary. I'm used to you being, you know, the grown-up. And then I find out that you're a person.
Giles: Most grown-ups are.
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Buffy: I know you! You ran that costume shop.
Ethan: Oh, I'm pleased you remember.
Buffy: You sold me that dress for Halloween, and nearly got us all killed!
Ethan: But you looked great.
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Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics!?
Buffy: It's not noise! It's music!
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat!
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.
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Xander: Oh, gang, didja hear that? A bonus day of class plus Cordelia! Mix in a little rectal surgery and it's my best day ever!