Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk. I feel much more abstract now. Xander:The point is, you're Buffy. Buffy: Yeah. Maybe in high school I was Buffy. Xander: And now in college you're Betty Louise? Buffy: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois. I might as well be.

Buffy: How am I supposed to hunt in this mob? Don't you people have homes? Eddie? Eddie! Eddie, hey! Wait up. God, I was worried something had happened to you... (she sees Eddie's face) And of course it has, because you're a vampire.

Buffy: OK, remember before you became Hugh Hefner, when you used to be a watcher?

Sunday: (going through the things taken from their last victim's dorm room) Boring. Boring. Boring. Boring... boring. Boring. Astonishingly boring. We have to kill cooler people. Will somebody remind me?

Buffy:I don't really have a security blanket. Unless, of course, you count Mr Pointy.

Professor: You are sucking energy from everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out! Buffy: I didn't mean to... suck.

Riley: I'll show you. I don't meet many freshmen that know much about psychology. Willow: Well, it's fascinating. Buffy: Yeah, you know, cos everyone's got a brain... (off their look) Or, almost everyone.

Willow: Well, he says he's enjoying being a gentleman of leisure. Buffy:"Gentleman of leisure"? Isn't that British for "unemployed"? Willow:Uh-huh. He's a slacker now.

Buffy:Sorry, Miss I-Chose-My-Major-in-Playgroup. Willow:That's an exaggeration. I just, you know, think it's good to be prepared. Don't wanna be caught unawares. Buffy: I've been busy! It's been a very slay-heavy summer.

(After finding her room filled with crates) Joyce: It's still your room, I wasn't expecting you back so soon. Don't worry, I left everything just as it was. Buffy: My room is full of packing crates... Joyce: But I didn't move anything. Buffy: If this is my room, shouldn't I be able to fit in it?

Sunday: Say... don't I know you from beating the crap out of you?

Sunday: Oh, I'm Sunday and I'll be killing you here in a second. Buffy: You know, that threat gets scarier every time i hear it.

Buffy: This just looks like a bad time. Giles's friend: No, you talk I'll just slip into something a little less comfortable.

Giles: What am I not supposed to have a personal life? Buffy: No, because you're very, very old and this is gross.

Willow: You made a friend? Good for you! Buffy: Thanks, Mom.

Psychology Teacher: If you're looking to coast I suggest geology 101, thats where all the football players are.

Pop American Culture Teacher: You, blonde girl, stand up. I'm very excited to hear what you have to say if it is worth interrupting my lecture for.

Willow: He said he wasnt coming back until he had driven to all 50 states. Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii? Willow: Well, he seemed so determined.

Willow: "Images of Pop Culture." This is good. They watch movies, TV shows, even commercials. Buffy: For credit? Willow: Isn't college cool?

Xander: Nothing says thank you like dollars in the waist band.

Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance? Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff? Xander: No, that was the Renaissance.

Sunday: I must say, you've really got me now. I mean, this is a diabolical plan - throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no weapons of any kind. How am I gonna get out of this one? Buffy: You've got a nice set-up here. But you made one mistake. Sunday: What was that? Buffy: Well, I'm not actually positive. But statistically speaking, people usually make at least...(Sunday punches Buffy)

Willow: How can you be so calm? Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice.

Xander: When it's dark, and I'm all alone, and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always think - What would Buffy do? You're my hero. Okay, sometimes when it's dark, and I'm all alone, I'd think, What is Buffy wearing? Buffy: Can that be one of those things you never ever tell me about?

Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard, and the engine fell out of my car. And that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at the fabulous "Ladies Night" club for about a month and a half while I tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me, or even spoke to me, until one night when one of the male strippers called in sick, and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I sleep in the basement, and I have to pay rent. How's college? Buffy: Male strippers? Xander: No power on this earth. Buffy: OK. College is good. Xander: OK, once more with even less feeling. Buffy: No, really! I mean, Willow's in heaven and... Oz has this really cool house off-campus with the band. Xander: And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze looking like you have cancer of the puppy.

Vamp Girl: Does this sweater make me look fat? Sunday: No. The fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That sweater just makes you look purple. Vamp Girl: You're such a loser. Sunday: Hey, words can hurt like a fist.

Boy Vamp: No, the best part was when you ragged on her clothes. She was like, "No, not the ensemble!" Sunday: Those jeans with the little patches? She has no one to blame but herself. Girl Vamp: I heard they're coming back. Sunday: Not if I kill every single person who wears them.

Eddie: Did you lose your way? Buffy: Me? Oh, no, no, no - I'm just going to Fisher Hall, which I know is on the... Earth planet. Recently voted "Most Pathetic", uh-huh. Eddie: Well, I'm lost, and I have a map, so... Buffy: Ooh, I come in second.

Buffy: I still feel like carrying around a security blanket. Eddie: Of Human Bondage. Have you ever read it? Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn. I mean, I'm just trying to cut way back.

Riley: It's nice to meet you both. Buffy: I'm nice to meet.

Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior? Buffy: Uh, you know, I meant to, and then I just got really busy.

Buffy: You know, this store discriminates against short people. Willow: Oh, I think there's a protest next week.

Willow: Ooh, boyfriend! It's my on-campus boyfriend. Buffy: Oh, no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really long now, too.

Willow: It's just, in high school, knowledge was pretty much frowned upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the energy, the collective intelligence... It's like this force, this penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening up, you know, and letting this place just thrust into and- and spurt knowledge into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started out in.

Buffy: Introduction to the Modern Novel? I'm guessing I'd probably have to read the modern novel. Willow: Maybe more than one. Buffy: I like books... I just don't want to take on too much. Do they have an introduction to the modern blurb? Willow: Professor Walsh is supposed to be great. She's world-renowned. Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to be nowned first? Willow: Yes, First there's the painful nowning process.

Giles: (Referring to his girlfriend, Olivia) I'm not supposed to have a private life? Buffy: Nooo! Because you're very very old, and it's gross.

Xander: 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate. Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the women, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget that?

Sunday: You know this arm's not looking so good. It might have to come off. Buffy: You want to know the truth? I only need one.

Sunday: What about breaking your arm? (She grabs at Buffy's left arm) How'd that feel? Buffy: Let me answer that with a head butt.

Xander: Well, some friends of Buffy played a funny joke and they took her stuff and now she wants us to help get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.

Xander: Do we hug? Oz: I think we're too manly.

Sunday: Don't take this the wrong way, but you fight like a girl.

Buffy: Can't wait 'til my mom gets the bill for these... I hope it's a FUNNY anuerism.

Riley: I'm sorry, I forgot my manners in all the concussion. I'm Riley.