Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Cordelia: So she comes running at me, screaming: "I'm gonna kill you!" I swear! She had this stick and attacked me with it! Boy: Who? Harmony: Buffy!

Giles: For as long as there have been vampires, there's been the Slayer. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. Buffy: (to Willow and Xander) He loves doing this part.

Xander: Jesse, man. I'm sorry. Jesse: Sorry? I feel good, Xander! I feel strong! I'm connected, man, to everything! I can hear the worms in the earth! Xander: That's a plus.

Luke: (to Jesse) I thought you nothing more than a meal, boy. Congratulations, you've just been upgraded. To bait.

Willow: Buffy, I'm not anxious to go into a dark place full of monsters. But I do want to help. I need to. Giles: Well, then help me. I've been researching this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre. Rivers of blood, Hell on Earth, quite charmless. I'm a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. It may be that you can wrest some information from that dread machine. (Everyone stares at him) That was a bit, um, British, wasn't it? Buffy: (smiles) Welcome to the New World.

Xander: Okay, so, crosses, garlic, stake through the heart. Buffy: That'll get it done. Xander: Cool! Of course, I don't actually have any of those things. Buffy: Good thinking. Xander: Well, the part of my brain that would tell me to bring that stuff is still busy telling me not to come down here.

Xander: You've done some beheading in your time? Buffy: Oh, yeah. There was this time I was pinned down by this guy that played left tackle for varsity... Well, at least he used to before he was a vampire... Anyway, he had this really, really thick neck, and all I had was a little, little Exact-O knife... (Xander laughs nervously) You're not loving this story. Xander: No, actually, I find it oddly comforting.

Harmony: Are we going to the Bronze tonight? Cordelia: No, we're going to the other cool place in Sunnydale. (Harmony looks confused) Of course we're going to the Bronze. Friday night? No cover?

Xander: We can't fight our way back through those things. What do we do? Jesse: I got an idea. (vamps out) You can die!

Master: Ah, Colin... You failed me. Tell me you're sorry. Colin: I'm sorry! Master: There. That wasn't so bad, was it? Hold on... (putting out Colin's eye) You've got something in your eye.

Buffy: This is really, really important. Joyce: I know. If you don't go out it'll be the end of the world. Everything is life or death when you're a sixteen-year-old girl.

Cordelia: I just am not the type to settle, you know? It's like when I go shopping. I have to have the most expensive thing. Not because it's expensive, but because it costs more.

Angel: I knew you'd figure out this entryway sooner or later. Actually, I thought it was gonna be a little sooner. Buffy: Sorry you had to wait. Okay, look; if you're gonna be popping up with this cryptic wise man act on a regular basis can you at least tell me your name? Angel: Angel. Buffy: Angel. It's a pretty name.

Buffy: What exactly were you expecting? Xander: I don't know, something. I mean, the dead rose. We should have at least had an assembly.

Buffy: Ok vessel boy. You want blood? Luke: I want yours, only yours. Buffy: Works for me.

Xander: We gotta get in there before Jesse does something stupider than usual. Giles: You listen to me, Jesse is dead. You have to remember that when you see him, your not looking at your friend, you're looking at the thing that killed him.

Xander: This is just too much. I mean, yesterday my life's like, "Uh- oh, pop quiz." Today it's "Rain of Toads."

Luke: You forget, metal can't hurt me. Buffy: There's something you forgot about, too. (she throws a music stand through a window behind Luke and bright light pours in) Sunrise! Luke: Aaaaaarrrrg... (he sees that the light is just a streetlight) Huh? Buffy: (driving a stake into Luke's back) It's in about nine hours, moron.

Luke: (onstage at the Bronze) Ladies and gentlemen… there is no cause for alarm. Actually, there is cause for alarm. It just won't do any good.

Buffy: So, Giles, got anything that can make this day any worse? Giles: How about the end of the world? Buffy: I knew I can count on you.

Cordelia: (to Willow) Excuse me? Who gave you permission to exist? Do I horn in on your private discussions? No. Why? Because you're boring.

Angel: They'll be expecting you. Buffy: I've got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it's like to have a friend? That wasn't supposed to be a stumper.

Willow: And everyone else thinks it's just a normal day. Xander: Nobody knows. It's like we've got this big secret. Willow: We do. That's what a secret is, when you know something the other guys don't.

Willow: I'll put it on the computer search. If it's in there, it'll turn up. Anything that'll lead us to vampires. Xander: And I, in the meantime, will help by standing around like an idiot. Willow: Not like an idiot, just… standing.

Buffy: The access to the tunnels is in the mausoleum. The girl must have doubled back with Jesse after I got out. God, I am so mentally challenged.

Giles: So all the city plans are just open to the public? Willow: Uh, well, in a way. I sort of stumbled onto them when I accidentally decrypted the City Council's security system. Xander: Someone's been naughty.

Willow: Uh, this may be the dumb question, but shouldn't we call the police? Giles: And they'd believe us, of course. Willow: Well, we don't have to say vampires. We could just say that there's a bad man. Buffy: They couldn't handle it even if they did show up. They'd only come with guns.

Buffy: Jesse is my responsibility. I let him get taken. Xander: That's not true. Willow (to Buffy): If you hadn't shown up, they would've taken us, too. Does anybody mind if I pass out? Buffy: Breathe. Willow: Breathe. Buffy: Breathe.

The Master: I'm your faithful dog. You bring me scraps.

Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we're talking about vampires. We're having a talk with vampires in it. Willow: Isn't that what we saw last night? Buffy: No. No, those weren't vampires. Those were just guys in thundering need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies. It could have been rabies. And that guy turning to dust? Just a trick of light. That's exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.

(In the computer room) Harmony: Ok, I think the program's done. Cordelia: Finally the nightmare ends! Ok, so how do we save it? Willow: Deliver. Cordelia: Deliver? Where is that? Oh! (she pushes "DEL" and the program is deleted)

Cordelia: Guys from our grade, forget about it, they're children. Y'know? Like Jesse. Did you see him last night, following me around like a little puppy dog? You just wanna put him to sleep. But senior boys, they have mystery. They have...what's the word I'm searching for? Cars!

Giles: You have no idea where they took Jesse? Buffy: I looked around, but as soon as they got clear of the graveyard, they could have, voom! Xander: They can fly? Buffy: They can drive.

Giles: The Slayer hunts vampires, Buffy is a Slayer, don't tell anyone. Well, I think that's all the vampire information you need. Xander: Except for one thing: how do you kill them? Buffy: You don't, I do.

Angel: Don't... go down there. Buffy: Deal with my going. Angel: You shouldn't be putting yourself at risk. Tonight is the Harvest. Unless you can prevent it, The Master walks. Buffy: Well, if this Harvest thing is such a suckfest why don't you stop it? Angel: 'Cause I'm afraid.

Willow: Oh, I, I need to sit down. Buffy: You are sitting down. Willow: Oh. Good for me.

Xander: I don't like vampires. I'm gonna take a stand and say they're not good.

The Master: A Slayer! Have you any proof? Luke: Only that she fought me, and yet lives. The Master: Hmm, very nearly proof enough. I can't remember the last time that happened. Luke: 1843. Madrid. He caught me sleeping.

The Master: I have waited. For three score years, I have waited. While you come and go, I am stuck here, here in this house of... worship! My ascension is almost at hand. Pray that when it comes... I'm in a better mood.

Buffy: I don't suppose you've got a key on you? Angel: They really don't like me dropping in. Buffy: Why not? Angel: They really don't like me. Buffy: How could that possibly be?

Giles: We're at the center of a mystical convergence here. We may, in fact, stand between the Earth and its total destruction. Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school! Xander: Oh, yeah, that's a plan. 'Cause lots of schools aren't on Hellmouths. Willow: Maybe you could blow something up. They're really strict about that. Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach, y'know, like excessive not studying. Giles: The Earth is doomed!