Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Snyder: (After catching Buffy in the prop room looking for Morgan) You know, with everything that's been going on recently I'm not sure how safe it is for a girl like yourself to be here. Alone. Buffy: Well I was just leaving. And I know how to take care of myself.

Buffy: The school talent show. How ever did you finagle such a primo assignment? Giles: Our new Führer, Mr. Snyder. Willow: I think they call 'em "principals" now.

Willow: I think dummies are cute. You don't? Buffy: They give me the wig. Ever since I was little. Willow: What happened? Buffy: I saw a dummy. It gave me the wig. There really wasn't a story there.

Cordelia: It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was, like, my best friend. Xander: Emily.

Cordelia: I can't go out there. All those people staring at me and judging me like I'm some kind of... Buffy! What if I mess up? Giles: Cordelia, there's an adage that if you're feeling nervous then you should imagine the entire audience are in their underwear. Cordelia: Eww! Even Mrs. Franklin? Uhhh! Giles: Perhaps not.

Snyder: My predecessor, Mr. Flutie, may have gone it for all that touchy-feely relating nonsense, but he was eaten. Your in my world now and Sunnydale has touched and felt for the last time.

Sid: You know what they say. Once you go wood, nothing's as good! Buffy: Okay, Morgan. We get the joke. Horny dummy. Ha ha. It's very funny. But you might want to consider getting some new shtick. Unless you want your prop ending up as a Duraflame Log!

Xander: Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we would have had another organ donor.

Willow: The creep factor is also heightened. It could be anyone. It could be me! (they all turn to look at her) It's not, though.

Cordelia: (After seeing Sid staring at Buffy) Looks like someone digs you. That's adorable. You and the dummy could tour in the freak show!

Cordelia: I don't understand why I have to follow Brett and his stupid band. Giles: Because we have to clear their equipment before the finale. I told you. Cordelia: But the mood! It'll be all wrong! My song is about dignity and human feelings and personal... hygiene or something. Anyway, it's sappy, and no one is gonna be feeling sappy after all that rock and roll. (Giles doesn't want to hear it. He gives Cordelia a look like something's wrong.) Uhhh, what? Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh... Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? (Giles remains silent, but continues to stare.) Ohmigod! (quickly leaves) Giles: Xander was right. It worked like a charm.

Joyce: Hi, hon. How's it going with the talent show? Buffy: It'll be over soon. Joyce: It can't be that bad! I, for one, am looking forward to seeing your act. Buffy: Seeing? In the sense of actually attending? Joyce: Of course! Buffy: Uh-uh! No, Mom, you can't! And, I mean, if I know you're out there watching, I'll freeze up, stage fright. Joyce: But I wanna support what you're doing! Buffy: Look, Mom, if you really love me, and wanna show your support, you'll stay away. Far away. Joyce: Honey, is there something bothering you? I mean, besides your fabulous debut. Buffy: Nothing. There's just a lot going on right now.

Buffy: Well, yeah, but what about the whole "it's a demon" theory? Giles: I'm looking into that, but my investigation is somewhat... hampered by our life in the theater. Buffy: Uh, priority check, Giles? (weighs the two with her hands) Talent show, murder. Xander: Yeah, we can't do the talent show, it's unthinkable. I'm not able to think it! Giles: Principal Snyder is watching us all very closely. Now, if he chooses, he can make all our lives extremely difficult. A Slayer cannot afford that! We will find this murderer, but in the meantime... the show must go on. Buffy: This is so unfair.

Xander: Well, what do we do? We don't slay him, right? We wanna bring him to justice. Willow: We could set up a complex sting operation where we get him to confess! Xander: Uh, I should wear a wire! Buffy: Whoa, hey, you guys, all we know is that Morgan is a grade A large weirdo. That doesn't lead directly to murderer.

Xander: I can't do this! Buffy: Xander, come on. Xander: I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this! Willow: A dramatic scene is the easiest way to get through the talent show, because it doesn't require an actual talent.

Xander: Can I just mention, that detention is a time-honored form of punishment? Snyder: I know the three of you will come up with a wonderful act for the school to watch. And mock. And laugh. At.

Buffy: This means whatever's out there still needs a healthy, intelligent brain. Xander: In other words, I'm safe!

Sid: Lets just say there was me, there was a really mean demon, there was a curse, and the next thing I know, I'm not me any more. I'm sitting on some guy's knee, with his hand up my shirt.

Buffy: What am I gonna do, slay vampires on stage? Willow: Maybe in a funny way.

Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least... helped. Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch. Xander: And mock. Willow: And laugh.

Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.

Cordelia: (About Emily being killed) All I can think is, it could have been me! Xander: We can dream.

Principal Snyder: There are things I will not tolerate: students loitering on campus after school, horrible murders with hearts being removed... and also smoking.

Principal Snyder: I know Principal Flutie would have said, "Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings." That's the kind of wooly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten.

Buffy: So that horny dummy thing really isn't an act. Sid: Nope. Buffy: Yuck.