-
Xander: (imitation whine) But, gee, Mr. White, if Clark and Lois get all the good stories, I'll never be a good reporter!
Giles: Hmm?
Xander: Jimmy Olsen jokes are pretty much going to be lost on you, huh?
Giles: Sorry, afraid so.
-
Bob: How long I been down?
Jack: Eight months. I had to wait till the stars aligned.
Bob: Oh, eight months. I got some catching up to do. Whoa! Walker, Texas Ranger. You been taping 'em?
Jack: Every ep.
-
Xander: You're in a band! That's like a business class ticket to cool with complementary mojo after takeoff! I gotta learn an instrument. Is it hard to play guitar?
Oz: Not the way I play it.
-
Lysette: Is that your car?
Xander: Why, uh... Yes! It is!
Lysette: '57 Chevy Bel Air... 283 CID... Solid lifter... Fuel-injected
V-8...
Xander: Uh... very possibly.
Lysette: How does she handle?
Xander: Like a dream about warm, sticky things.
-
Buffy: "Sisterhood of Jhe, race of female demons, fierce warriors.." Ew. "..celebrate victory in battle by eating their foes." They couldn't just pour Gatorade on each other?
-
Willow: Are you okay?
Xander: Tip-top, really. If anyone sees my spine laying around, just try not to step on it.
-
Buffy: And, you know, with the pain and the death, maybe you shouldn't be leaping into the fray like that. Maybe you should be... fray adjacent.
Xander: Excuse me? Who, at a crucial moment, distracted the lead demon by allowing her to pummel him about the head?
Faith: Yeah, that was real manly how you shrieked and all.
Xander: I think you'll find that was a bellow.
-
Faith: Relax. Take your pants off.
Xander: Those two concepts are a bit antithetical.
-
Xander: You gave your knife a girls name, how very serial killer of you!
-
Cordelia: Ooo, look, it's Mr. Excitement. On another life-or-death doughnut mission, or are we just cruising for bimbos again, giving them lessons in lack of cool?
-
Willow: Xander. Boy, you're lucky you weren't at school last night. It
was crazed.
Xander: Well, uh, gimme the quiet life. I'm gonna grab a snack. Anyone want?
Giles: No, thank you.
Xander: Oz?
Oz: No. I'm oddly full today.
-
Cordelia: Ooh, is some evil going on? Must be big for them to trust you with this daredevil mission.
Xander: Cordelia. Feel free to drop dead of a wasting disease in the next twenty seconds.
Cordelia: Oh, again I strike the nerve. I am the surgeon of mean.
-
Buffy: What is this?
Xander: What do you mean, what is this? It's my thing.
Willow: Your thing?
Xander: My thing.
Buffy: Is this a penis metaphor?
-
Buffy: Should I burn them?
Willow: I brought marshmallows! ... Occasionally, I'm callous and strange.
-
Jack: What are you, retarded?
Xander: No. No, I had to take that test when I was seven. A little slow in some stuff, mostly math and spatial relations, but certainly not challenged or anything.
-
Buffy: Willow, you okay?
Willow: Yeah, I'm fine. The shaking is a side effect of the fear.
-
Buffy: Remember the demon that almost got out the night I died?
Willow: Every nightmare I have that doesn't revolve around academic failure or public nudity is about that thing. In fact, once I dreamt that it attacked me while I was late for a test and naked.
-
Cordelia: 'Cool.' Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate
that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't.
-
Xander: I happen to be an integral part of that group. I happen to have a lot to offer.
Cordelia: Oh, please.
Xander: I do!
Cordelia: 'Integral part' of the group? Xander, you're the, the useless part of the group. You're the Zeppo.
-
Cordelia: It must be really hard when all your friends have, like, superpowers -- Slayer, werewolf, witches, vampires -- and you're, like, this little nothing. You must feel like Jimmy Olsen.
-
Xander: I need a thing, something no one else has. What do I have?
Oz: An exciting new obsession. Which I feel makes you very special.
-
Xander: Why is it that I've come face-to-face with vampires, demons, the most hideous creatures hell ever spit out, and I'm still afraid of a little bully like Jack O'Toole?
Cordelia: Because, unlike all those other creatures that you've come face-to-face with, Jack actually noticed you were there.