Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Angel: You're standing at the mouth of hell. And it's about to open.

Buffy: I'll be back in a minute. Willow: Oh, that's okay, you don't have to come back. Buffy: (smiles) I'll be back in a minute.

Buffy: Have you guys seen Willow? Did she come by here? Cordelia: Why? Do you need to attack her with a stick? Jeez!

Giles: The vampire is not dead? Buffy: No, but my social life is on the critical list.

Xander: Hey, I hope he's not a vampire, because then you might have to slay him. Buffy: Was there a school bulletin? Was it in the newspaper? Is there anyone in this town who doesn't know I'm the Slayer?

Jesse: Listen, uh, you know, you wanna dance, you know? Cordelia: With you? Jesse: Well, uh, yeah. Cordelia: Well, uh, no!

Jesse: Hey, Cordelia! Cordelia: Oh, yay, it's my stalker. Jesse: Hey, you look great! Cordelia: Well, I'm glad we had this little chat.

(Giles shows Buffy a large book with "Vampyr" on the cover) Buffy: That's not what I'm looking for. Giles: Are you sure? Buffy: I'm way sure!

Giles: Into each generation, a Slayer is born. One girl in all the world, a Chosen One. One born with the... Giles and Buffy: ... the strength and skill to hunt the vampires... Buffy: ... to stop the spread of their evil. Blah, blah. I've heard it, okay?

Buffy: (to Giles about the dead boy found in the locker) It's the weirdest thing. He's got two little holes in his neck and all the blood has been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, "Ooooh"?

Girl #1: The new kid? She seems kind of weird to me. What kind of name is Buffy? Girl #2: (walking by) Hey, Aphrodesia.

Angel: Is there a problem ma'am? Buffy: Yeah, there's a problem. Why are you following me? Angel: I know what you're thinking. But don't worry, I don't bite.

Xander: I kind of had a problem with the math. Willow: Which part? Xander: The math.

Willow: It sure is dark. Thomas: It's night. Willow: Well, that's a very dark time, night.

Xander: Oh, me and Buffy go way back. Old friends, very close. Then there's that period of estrangement where I think we were both growing as people. But now here we are, like old times. I'm quite moved. Jesse: Is it me, or are you turning into a babbling idiot? Xander: No, it's, uh, it's not you. Buffy: Well, it's nice to meet you guys, I think. Jesse: Well, you know, we wanted to welcome you. Make you feel at home. Unless you have a scary home...

Buffy: It's my first day! I was afraid that I was gonna be behind in all of my classes, that I wouldn't make any friends, that I would have last month's hair! I didn't think there'd be vampires on campus. And I don't care. Giles: Then why are you here? Buffy: To tell you that... I don't care, which... I don't, and... have now told you, so... bye.

Mr. Flutie: You burned down the gym. Buffy: I did, I really did, but... You're not seeing the big picture here, I mean, that gym was full of vampi... asbestos.

Buffy: You know, I just wanted to start over, be like everybody else. Have some friends, you know, maybe a dog. But, no. You had to come here. You couldn't go suck on some other town. Darla: Who are you? Buffy: Don't you know? Luke: (grabbing Buffy from behind and tossing her) I don't care.

Buffy (to the vampire that took Willow): Okay, first of all, what's with the outfit? Live in the now, okay? You look like DeBarge.

(entering a mausoleum) Buffy: Well, this is nice. Uh, it's a little bare, but a dash of paint, a few throw pillows, call it home.

Cordelia (to her friends after being attacked by Buffy): Excuse me. I have to call everyone I have ever met right now.

Cordelia (to Buffy after almost getting staked by her): God! What is your childhood trauma?

Buffy: There's one. Giles: Where? Buffy: Right there, talking to that girl. Giles: You don't know… Buffy: Oh, please! Look at his jacket. He's got the sleeves rolled up, and the shirt? Deal with that outfit for a moment. Giles: It's dated? Buffy: It's carbon dated. Trust me, only someone who had lived underground for ten years would think that was still the look.

Buffy: I didn't say I'd never slay another vampire. It's not like I have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them. I'm just not going to get way extracurricular with it. You know, if I see one, sure… Giles: Will you be ready? There's so much you don't know about them, about your own powers. A vampire appears to be completely normal, until the feed is upon them. Only then do they reveal their true demonic visage. Buffy: You're like a textbook with arms. I know this.

Giles: Who told you this? Buffy: This... guy. Dark, gorgeous in an annoying sort of way. I figured you two were buds. Giles: No. The Harvest. Did he say anything else? Buffy: Something about the Mouth of Hell. I really didn't like him!

Giles: I'd much rather be at home with a cup of Bovril and a good book. Buffy: You need a personality, stat!

Willow: I thought Xander was going to show up. Buffy: Oh, are you guys going out? Willow: No, we're just friends. We used to go out, but we broke up. Buffy: How come? Willow: He stole my Barbie. (sees the look Buffy's giving her) Oh, we were five.

Buffy: From now on, I'm only going to hang out with the living – I mean, lively… people. Joyce: Okay. You have fun.

(looking in her mirror) Buffy (holding an outfit in front of herself): Hi, I'm an enormous slut! (holds another outfit in front of herself) Hello, would you like a copy of The Watchtower? (puts both outfits down) I used to be so good at this.

Buffy: Oh, come on. This is Sunnydale. How bad an evil can there be here?

Giles: I believe this whole area is a center of mystical energy, that things gravitate towards it that you wouldn't find elsewhere. Buffy: Like vampires. Giles: Zombies, werewolves, incubi, succubi – everything you've ever dreamt was under your bed but told yourself couldn't be by the light of day. They're all real. Buffy: What, you, like, sent away for the Time/Life series? Giles: Uh, w-well, yes. Buffy: Did you get the free phone? Giles: Uh, the calendar. Buffy: Cool.

(talking about the dead guy found in the locker) Buffy: How did he die? Cordelia: I don't know. Buffy: Well, were there any marks? Cordelia: Morbid much? I didn't ask.

Cordelia (to Buffy after finding her with Willow, Xander, and Jesse): I don't mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won't be meeting Coach Foster – the woman with the chest hair – because gym was cancelled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker. Buffy: What? Willow: What are you talking about? Cordelia: Some guy was stuffed in Aura's locker. Buffy: Dead? Cordelia: Totally dead. Way dead. Xander: So not just a little dead, then?

Xander: So what do you do for fun? What do you like, what do you look for in a man? Let's hear it. Jesse: If you have any dark, painful secrets you'd like us to publish… Buffy: Gee, everyone wants to know about me. How keen. Xander: Well, not much goes on in a one-Starbucks town like Sunnydale. You're pretty big news.

(talking to Buffy) Jesse: Oh, you know, we wanted to welcome you, make you feel at home – unless you have a scary home. Xander (holding up Buffy's stake that she dropped earlier): And to return this. The only thing I can think is that you're building a really little fence.

Buffy: Look, I really want to get by here. New school. And Cordelia's been really nice… to me, anyway… but, um, I kind of have this burning desire not to flunk all my classes and, I heard a rumor that you were the person to talk to if I wanted to get caught up. Willow: Oh, I could totally help you out. Uh, if you have sixth period free, we could meet in the library. Buffy: Or not. Uh, we could meet someplace quieter. Louder. Uh, that place just kind of gives me the wiggins. Willow: Oh, it has that effect on most kids. I love it, though. It's a great collection, and the new librarian is really cool. Buffy: He's new? Willow: Yeah, he just started. He was curator at some British museum or–or THE British Museum. I'm not sure, but he knows everything, and he brought all these historical volumes and biographies, and am I the single dullest person alive?

Cordelia: Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You're from L.A., so you can skip the written, but let's see. Vamp nail polish? Buffy: Um, over? Cordelia: So over. James Spader? Buffy: He needs to call me. Cordelia: Frappuccinos? Buffy: Trendy, but tasty. Cordelia: John Tesh. Buffy: The Devil. Cordelia: That was pretty much a gimme, but you passed. Buffy: Oh, good.

Xander: I don't know you, do I? Buffy: I'm Buffy. I'm new. Xander: Xander is–is me.

Xander: Hey, Jesse. What's what? Jesse: New girl. Xander: That's right. I saw her. Pretty much a hottie. Willow: I heard someone was transferring. Xander: (to Jesse) So tell. Jesse: Tell what? Xander: What's the sitch? What do you know about her? Jesse: New girl. Xander: Well, you're certainly a fount of nothing.

Cordelia: So, you're from Hemery, right? In L.A.? Buffy: Yeah. Cordelia: Oh, I would kill to live in L.A. That close to that many shoes!

Giles: A, a Slayer slays, a Watcher... Buffy: ...watches? Giles: Yes. No! He, he trains her, he, he, he prepares her... Buffy: Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school? For losing all of my friends? For having to spend all of my time fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me.

Buffy: Uh, Hi! Willow, right? Willow: Why? I-I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move? Buffy: Why don't we start with, 'Hi, I'm Buffy,' and, uh, then let's segue directly into me asking you for a favor. It doesn't involve moving, but it does involve hanging out with me for a while. Willow: But aren't you hanging out with Cordelia? Buffy: I can't do both? Willow: Not legally.

Xander: Well, uh, maybe I'll see you around... maybe at school... since we... both... go there. Buffy: Great! It was nice to meet you. Xander: (unimpressed with how he spoke) We both go to school. Very suave. Very not pathetic. Xander: Oh, hey! Hey, you forgot your... stake?

Joyce: Have a good time. I know you're gonna make friends right away, just think positive... Oh, and honey? Try not to get kicked out? Buffy: I promise.

Buffy: Who are you? Angel: Let's just say... I'm a friend. Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't need a friend. Angel: I didn't say I was yours.

Buffy: To make you a vampire they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It's like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly they're just gonna kill you.

Xander: (to Buffy) Can I have you? Uuhh, can I help you?

Principal Flutie: Welcome to Sunnydale! A clean slate, Buffy, that's what you get here. What's past is past. We're not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says... (reads) Whoa! Buffy: Mr. Flutie... Mr. Flutie: All the kids here are free to call me Bob. Buffy: Bob-- Mr. Flutie: But they don't.

Xander: Can you help me out tonight, please, be my study buddy? Willow: Well, what's in it for me? Xander: A shiny nickel! Willow: Okay. Do you have 'Theories in Trig'? You should check it out. Xander: Check it out? Willow: From the library? Where the books live. Xander: Right, I'm there! See, I wanna change...

Angel: Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though. Buffy: What do you want? Angel: The same thing you do. Buffy: Okay. What do I want? Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.

Luke: The sleeper will awake. And the world will bleed.

Willow: Well... when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or–or witty, or at all. I–I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and, then I have to go away.

Cordelia: It's in the bad part of town. Buffy: Where's that? Cordelia: It's about a half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.

Cordelia: Willow, nice dress! Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears. Willow: Uh, well-well, my Mom picked it out. Cordelia: No wonder you're such a guy-magnet.

Luke: And like a plague of boils the race of man covered the Earth. But on the third day of the newest light will come the Harvest, when the blood of men will flow as wine - when the Master will walk among them once more. The earth will belong to the Old Ones... and Hell itself will come to town.

Buffy: Now, we can do this the hard way or... well, actually, there's just the hard way. Darla: That's fine with me. Buffy: Are you sure? Now, this is not going to be pretty. We're talking about violence, strong language, adult content.

Buffy: Well, my philosophy – do you want to hear my philosophy? Willow: Yeah, I do. Buffy: Life is short. Willow: Life is short. Buffy: Not original, I'll grant you, but it's true. You know, why waste time being all shy and why worried about some guy and if he's gonna laugh at you? Seize the moment 'cause tomorrow you might be dead. Willow: Oh, that's nice.

Darla: Who the hell are you? Buffy: You mean there's actually someone in this town who doesn't know already? Whew, that's a relief, I'm telling you! Having a secret identity in this town is a job of work.

Giles: Something's coming, something, something... something is, is gonna happen here. Soon! Buffy: Gee, can you vague that up for me?

Joyce: Are you, uh, going out tonight? Buffy: Yeah, I'm going to a club. Joyce: Oh. Will there be boys there? Buffy: No, Mom. It's a nun club.

Willow: I think boys are more interested in a girl who can talk. Buffy: You really haven't been dating lately.