Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Xander: (to Willow) I gotta be a man and ask her out. Y'know, I gotta stop giving her ID bracelets, subtle innuendos, taking Polaroids outside of her bedroom window late at night. That last part is a joke to relieve the tension because here she comes.

Buffy: (singing) Macho, macho, man! I want to be a macho man. Macho... (stops singing as she walks into the kitchen) Oh, hey, juice! Mm... Quality juice. Not from concentrate! Joyce: You're in a good mood. Buffy: I am! I'm on the squad, which is great, 'cause I feel like cheering and leading others to cheer. Ooo, hey, juice! Joyce: Listen, honey, about yesterday, I really... Buffy: That is totally yester. Besides, it's not like you were wrong, y'know. I did get kicked outta school. I'm just wacky that way! Joyce: Still, I just want you to know that, despite the problems you've had, I really... Buffy: Mom, you just don't get it. And, believe me, you don't want it. Y'know, there are just some things about being a Vampire Slayer that the older generation... Joyce: A what? Buffy: It's a... long story. Joyce: Buffy, are you feeling well? Buffy: What? Oh, I'm fine, y'know? What, like, I can't be in a good mood? Is it, like, a new house rule? Fine, y'know? It's just fine, fine, fine, 'cause... (sings) I'm a macho, macho man! I want to be a macho man!

Willow: "Witches: Historic Roots to Modern Practice", checked out by Alexander Harris. Buffy: "The Pagan Rites", checked out by Alexander... Xander: Alright, alright, it's not what you think. Willow: You like to look at the semi-nude engravings? Xander: Oh, well, I guess it is what you think.

Amy: I train with my mom, three hours in the morning, three at night. Buffy: Hmm, that much quality time with my mom would probably lead to some quality matricide.

Buffy: I love you, Mom. (She jumps up and kisses her mom on the cheek, then runs from the room) Joyce: I don't get it!

Buffy: You're my Xander-shaped friend. Do you have any idea why I love you so, Xander? Willow: (to Xander) We gotta get her to a… Xander: (to Willow) Let her speak. Buffy: (to Xander) I'll tell you. You're not like other boys at all. Xander: Well. Buffy: You are totally and completely one of the girls. (to Willow) I'm that comfy with him.

Buffy: (referring to Amy) The test was positive. She's our Sabrina.

Xander: First vampires, now witches. No wonder you can still afford a house in Sunnydale.

Xander: (referring to Cordelia) Okay, see how she has no clue that I'm even a mammal, much less a human being? Willow: I see that. Xander: This is the Invisible Man Syndrome, blessing in Cordelia's case, a curse in Buffy's. Willow: You're not invisible to Buffy. Xander: It's worse. I'm just a part of the scenery, like an old shoe or a rug that you walk on every day but don't even really see. Willow: Like a pen that's all chewed up, and you know you should throw it away, but you don't, not 'cause you like it so much more 'cause you're used to it… Xander: Well, yeah, that is the point. You don't have to drive it through my head like a railroad spike.

Xander: That's why you're so cool. You're like a guy. You're my guy friend that knows about girl stuff. Willow: Oh, great. I'm a guy.

Buffy: So Mommie Dearest is really ... Mommie Dearest.

Cordelia: Just look at that Amber. Who does she think she is, a Laker Girl? Willow: I heard she turned them down.

Giles: This is madness. What could you have been thinking? You are the Slayer. Lives depend upon you. I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, instead of which you enslave yourself to this-this... cult. (we see Buffy is wearing a cheerleading outfit) Buffy: You don't like the color?

Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia? Willow: Maybe because they met her! Did I say that...?

Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair. Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?

Joyce: (about cheerleading) I'm glad you're taking that up again. It'll keep you out of trouble. Buffy: I'm not in trouble. Joyce: No, not yet.

Giles: But that's the thrill of living on the Hellmouth! There's a veritable cornucopia of, of fiends and devils and, and ghouls to engage. Pardon me for finding the glass half full.

Buffy: I'm inscrutable, huh? Joyce: You're sixteen.

Willow: Yeah! You're the Slayer, and we're, like, the Slayerettes.

Xander: For I am Xander, King of Cretins. May all lesser cretins bow before me.

Giles: You have a sacred birthright, Buffy. You were chosen to destroy vampires, not to... wave pompoms at people. And as the Watcher I forbid it. Buffy: And you'll be stopping me how? Giles: Well, I... By appealing to your common sense, if such a creature exists.

Amy: I'm thinking about getting fat. Buffy: I hear that look's in for spring.

Catherine: How dare you raise your hand to your mother! I gave you birth. I gave up my life so you could drag that worthless carcass around and call it living. You've never been anything but trouble. I'm going to put you where you can't make trouble again!

Catherine: She said I was wasting my youth. So she took it.

Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.