Burn Notice

Fiona: Keeping Virgil away from your mom, that's just about keeping her from danger? Michael: What else would it be? Fiona: Well, they did have a connection, Michael. A romantic connection, an intimate, steamy connection. I'm just saying, when an important woman in your life meets someone it can be an adjustment. Michael: Is this about your date? Because I'm fine with it. Fiona: (laughs) I don't think so, Michael. Not one question about who he is? You're not the least bit interested? Michael: No, not interested. Fiona: I thought spies were meant to be good liars. You are getting rusty.

Michael: (voice-over) Anyone who played soccer knows there's a long nerve that runs down the shin. Hit that nerve and people lock up in pain.

Michael: (voice-over) Most people think that shooting the gas tank of a vehicle makes it explode. Unless the car is on fire you'll just spill a few of bucks worth of gas. An explosion requires something extra; like a few bags of acetone peroxide taped to the gas tank.

Michael: (voice-over) Need the police to respond right away? Call ahead. If you've reported a few minor crimes within a six block radius, you can be sure someone will show up when you need them.

Michael: (voice-over) Navy seals are trained to hold their breath for three to five minutes under water. If you are an ex navy seal, you'd probably still have the chops. But there is only one way to find out.

Michael: (voice-over) Using a zodiac to catch a yacht has certain advantages. It's low to the water so it's hard to see coming. It tops out at a brisk sixty miles per hour and it's designed to turn on a dime. Of course the one disadvantage is: it can make for a bumpy ride.

Michael: (voice-over) Counterfeiting pharmaceuticals is pretty straight forward; fill some vials with your choice of beverage. The trick is to keep people from looking closer; with some compressed gas from your local farming supply store, and a few cryogenic containers, you can convince people if they get a little too curious they could loose a finger frostbite.

Michael: (voice-over) Dealing with an aggressive adversary isn't always about showing strength. Sometimes it's best to show weakness. If they believe they can dominate you they'll drop their guard. Of course that means getting dominated.

Michael: (voice-over) For certain kinds of criminals partying hard serves an important management function. You can keep your eye on your employees during the off hours and keep them spending money. So they're hungry for the next score.

Michael: (voice-over) If you're driving a sports coupe, you're not going to be able to lose an off-road vehicle off road. Your best bet is to get them on the road where you have the advantage. It's less about speed than it is about maneuverability. You need to put yourself in a position where you can do something they can't.

Michael: (voice-over) When you work with people, you want to know everything about them; their history, their associates, who's contacting them. Although, sometimes, there are details you'd rather not know.

Michael: (voice-over) Dealing with a trained operative is like playing chess with a master. Dealing with criminals, on the other hand, is like playing checkers with a three year-old: they like to change the rules.

Fiona: Why not go in now? Sam: Because Mike could get hurt. Fiona: Doesn't sound so bad.

Seymour: You wanna be a badass, you gotta eat healthy.

Michael: (voice-over) Bar fights aren't just a way to blow off steam. They're a great way to showcase your leadership skills, and they're a team-building exercise. There's also no better ways for someone new to get noticed.

Madeline: A- Aren't you gonna invite me in? Michael: Oh, I'm in a hurry, Mom. Goin' to meet Fi. Madeline: W- B- But I made you this! (holds up pie) Michael: You baked a pie. Madeline: Okay, I just sprinkled cinnamon on it.

Michael: (voice-over) When you need to distract someone without raising suspicions, it helps to play to preconceptions. Tourists are fat, old people are cranky, and girls can't drive.

Sam: (on the phone to Michael) Uh, listen, Virgil needs to ask you just a little favor. (hands phone to Virgil) Virgil: Listen, I didn't pack enough underwear, so I borrowed a set o' your boxers -- the blue ones with the stripes. Michael: They will never fit you; stay out of my closets. Virgil: They're a little snug down under, but I got all packed in. 'Preciate it. Sam: Mike, be glad you didn't have to see that.

Boy: Hey! (Michael stops a soccer ball headed in his direction) Small boy: Kick it! Kick it! (Michael kicks the ball towards the boy) Marcela: Hey, no ball on the sidewalk. Michael: He started it.

(Sam and Virgil are trying to convince Michael to help the medical relief agency) Sam: Can't hurt to talk to her, Mike. Michael: Mmm, it could. It could hurt a little. Could hurt a lot.

(Michael drops a trigger-happy buyer in an arms deal of Seymour's that's gone bad) Seymour: Wow. Fiona said you were badass. Michael: This is really none of my business. Seymour: Well, it is now.

Michael: What will the neighbors think? They've been living next to a drug dealer.

Fiona: I bought an assault rifle from him last year. He doesn't know you. Seymour has trust issues. Michael: I don't want to date him, Fi. I just want to find out what the people who burned me are doing with a Russian sniper rifle.