Californication

Becca: Do you remember what you used to do for me when I couldn't sleep? Hank: Dose you with opiates? Becca: No. Look at the ocean and count mermaids. Hank: I did do that. I'm a better father than I thought.

Hank: (On seeing Charlie and under-dressed Dani) HOLY F***NUTS!

Charlie: (On the phone to Marcy) So how is Angelina's cookie? Really? Well, that's the advantage of adoption.

Becca: (Looking at the present from Hank) A bribe? Hank: No. I like to think of it more as a token of paternal affection.

Meredith: Hank, I think we need to talk. Hank: Talk, really? Has anything good ever come out of such a thing ever? Meredith: I just feel like we've been spending a lot of time in the bedroom, which is nice, very nice. But I'm also just coming out of this horribly dysfunctional relationship that only existed in the bedroom... Hank: Oh, okay, you want me to do you in the shower. You know, I get it, I get it. You want to go out on the town with some Hank on your arm. You want to stroll around with some of this. That's totally understandable. We can do it. We go out. Anything. Anything you want to do. We'll do it. Just name it. Let's go. Right now. Meredith: Okay, there's this fund-raiser. Hank: No, can't do that. That, that sounds excruciating. I won't do that.

Meredith: Hank Moody, please say hello to my colleague Jonathan Mandel, and his lovely wife Nikki. Nikki: Hank Moody, the writer? Hank: I used to be, now I'm Hank Moody the blogger, soon to be Hank Moody the bartender.