Californication

Hank: This does seem mighty small. I think I got a bigger bonus check when I worked at Blockbuster in '91. Charlie: Wait, wait, be kind, rewind. Hank Moody worked at Blockbuster? Hank: Yeah, yeah, I had the khakis, the tucked-in polo, the whole thing. I used to splice porn into the Disney films. Charlie: Of course you did.

Rick Springfield: Hey, I'm doin' a children's charity concert at, uh, The Grove, Thursday night. Yeah, half the proceeds go to, uh, juvenile diabetes. (Charlie stares at him) What? Charlie: Um, I'm speechless. Girls at the orphanage? Juvenile diabetes? Who are you two, and what have you done with the nymphomanical sociopaths I've grown to love and loathe? Sue: Sorry to burst your bubble, Runkle. I'm a complicated beast. Rick Springfield: Me too. Plus, you know, charity events are like ground-zero for single pussy. Charlie: And he's back.

Charlie: I miss this, I miss us. Do you know how long it's been since I've heard you say those three little words? Marcy: Eat my clam? Charlie: Eat my clam? No, no, not eat my clam. I love you.

Principal Green: We have a zero-tolerance policy on violence here at The Mayflower School. We've just never had to apply it before since most of our young ladies have been taught not to resort to physical violence as a means of expression. Hank: So hey, let's look at the bright side here. We're makin' history. Big ups for women's rights.