Californication

Dani: (referring to Mia) It's been a great ride, Charlie Runkle. We proved sex and the workplace can mix, we subverted some dominant paradigms, and from a feminist standpoint, we're about to launch a major female writer. She was great, wasn't she? I mean she was poised, she was funny. She had them eating out of her hand and looking up her skirt at the same time.

Temp: And you are? Hank: (heading for Charlie's office) Going in there. Temp: I'm sorry, sir, I can't-- Hank: (pointing to the clock) Hey wait, wait, wait. Would you look at the time? The big hand says "fuck" and the little hand says "off." Good thing it doesn't have a second hand, huh?

Charlie: Dani's dripping wet over this manuscript of hers. In fact, she insists that I pump it, launch her agenting career, or she's going to hit me with the mother of all sexual harassment suits. Hank: Oh Charlie, I'm sorry. You think you can get me a front row seat to the trial? I'd like to be behind you in all the courtroom sketches. Charlie: You're such a good friend.

Hank: Oh yes, by all means, get that thing off. The groom should not see you in the dress just before the wedding, that's bad luck. You know what's worse luck is, uh, getting married itself... Karen: Shut up! Hank: I've read studies, like two out of three of those end in divorce. Sometimes more, three out of two, so...

Hank: The good news is, though, that as of today, you and your extensive porn collection are moving into the Four Seasons. Charlie: Fantastic! Hank: I called ahead. I booked you a room in the "husbands who've been kicked to the curb by their diminutive lesbian wives" wing. Charlie: It's right next to the "young actresses fresh into town" wing, am I correct?

Hank: I'm sorry. Karen: About what? You won. Hank: Not when you're this upset. I didn't win a goddamn thing. I hate seeing you this sad. Ever. Except, maybe after sex with Bill. There's a smile. A small smile, but a smile nonetheless. I'll take it.

Becca: I'm not going to live with my dad because it's fun. I'm going because I have to. I don't know if you've noticed, but your dad is about to marry my mom. Mia: Yeah, so? Becca: So it's really happening. He can't pretend anymore that it's not. And whatever miraculous thing he thought was going to happen with the writing. You know that thing he wrote back home in New York was going to be the redemption of his soul. Obviously, that's not happening either. Mia: No, I guess not. Becca: So it's official. Rock bottom. The death of hope. Can't leave him alone now. The man's got nothing.

Mia: I never intended to be famous, but I do like being the center of attention. It feels just like I thought it would. Totally f***ing great. Hank: But it's gonna go away.

Hank: You are a very young sociopath in training. Mia: Oh, come on. That's like Satan calling one of his junior minions a big meanie.

Hank: Sorry, I'm late. I just, uh... Charlie: You just what? Hank: Nah, that's all I got.