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Castle:: If I say yes will you promise to stay out past your bedtime and have a good time?
Alexis:: Yes!
Castle:: Not... Not too good a time.
Alexis:: Dad, all we've done is hold hands
Castle:: Eww, okay please, don't need details
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Capt. Montgomery (about a suspect who has undergone many face lifts): At the very least, she should be arrested for violating the laws of nature.
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Beckett: You want to ask the mob who the witness is?
Castle: Clearly they already know who he is if they're trying to kill him. Like you said, he's gotta be a significant witness in a pretty big case.
Beckett: So what do we do? Hop in the car and drive down to the Bada Bing?
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Esposito: Wow, look at her. How can anyone do that to themselves?
Castle: Right? It's like she escaped from the Island of Dr. Moreau.
Beckett: Come on guys, she's not an animal. She's a human being.
Castle: Yeah, I know but...wait are you being sincere, or quoting the Elephant Man?
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Beckett: I'm not running a background check on your daughter's date.
Castle: Oh, come on! She says he's quiet, he keeps to himself, and he lives with his parents. Tell me that doesn't sound like a serial killer to you!
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(Castle stares as a well-endowed blonde walks past)
Beckett: (Clears throat) Ahem. What's the deal with men and boobs, anyway?
Castle: Biological. We can't help it.
Beckett: But doesn't it bother you that they're so obviously not real?
Castle: (Pauses) Santa's not real. We still love opening his presents.