Celebrity Poker Showdown

Season 2 Episode 6

Tournament 2 Championship Game

Aired Tuesday 8:00 PM Jul 01, 2004 on Bravo



  • Trivia

    • Championship Charity Payouts:
      - Scenarios USA - $7,500
      - Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - $10,000
      - Endeavor House - $12,500
      - Revlon/UCLA Women's Cancer Research Program - $20,000
      - The Children's Aid Society - $100,000

    • Match Results:
      1st Place - Maura Tierney
      2nd Place - Lauren Graham
      3rd Place - Michael Ian Black
      4th Place - Dule Hill
      5th Place - Rosario Dawson

    • Celebrity Charity List:
      Michael Ian Black - Endeavor House
      Maura Tierney - The Children's Aid Society
      Dule Hill - Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
      Rosario Dawson - Scenarios USA
      Lauren Graham - Revlon/UCLA Women's Cancer Research Program

    • Dave's pick to win the game is Maura Tierney.

    • Phil's pick to win the game is Lauren Graham.

    • Michael Ian Black ordered a gallon of chocolate milk before the game started.

    • At on point, the reigning Celebrity Poker Champion Nicole Sullivan brought in drinks for the players at the table.

    • Michael Ian Black lay down on the floor after being let down by "David Copperfield" and getting eliminated from the tournament.

    • CPS First Season Gold Chip Winner Nicole Sullivan made an appearance on the show.

    • Lauren Graham had a cat named Frank who ran away. Maura Tierney once had a dog named Spiffy who was ran over by her mom's car.

  • Quotes

    • Dave: Welcome to a very very special edition of Celebrity Poker Showdown, where our celebrities learn that sometimes growing up doesn't mean just getting bigger.

    • Dave: Now all five of these players are winners already but four of them still have a chance to feel like losers.

    • Dave: You're all champions. You've all won silver chips. But tonight you're gonna be playing for this. This is a gold chip. 'Cos that's what makes America great -- making you not satisfied with what you already have.
      Michael: Love it or leave it, Foley. Go back to Canada.

    • Dave: None of 'em have ever been here on the Losers' Lounge.
      Phil: Three of them...
      Dave: Three of them will be here with us.

    • Phil: Michael Ian Black is a real student of the game. He wants to be a great player. He was devastated in his first season loss. I'm worried because the women at the table really play powerfully and they're not scared and they will beat him up.
      Dave: And his crazy mind games aren't gonna shake them.

    • Michael: Well, Dule this can become a very short game.
      Dule: Well, I have to work tomorrow morning so.

    • Dave: It's been a great year for you traveling the world representing Celebrity Poker
      Nicole: With my sash. Those nude photos came out and I almost lost my title.
      Dave: We decided not be hard-asses like that other pageant. And besides they were tasteful.
      Nicole: They were. Thank you.
      Phil: Not the ones I saw.
      Nicole: Those that I sent to you. Email only.
      Dave: The ones that weren't tasteful were tasty.

    • (after Maura raised pre-flop)
      Phil: If you just limp in for the minimum, then the blinds get to see the flop for free.
      Dave: And if you let someone see your flop for free, it cheapens you.

    • Michael: I hate poker...
      Lauren: "...and I love chocolate milk".

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: I am very excited to play. There are a lot of terrific players at this table. And I'm hoping to just survive among those terrific players.

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: I have no gift for this game at all.

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: Here's what I'm gonna combat all the sexy girls at the table. I'm gonna play with one ball out.

    • Dave: Every time somebody folds, we kill a puppy. It's just a little something we do to make 'em think twice about doing it.

    • (after Rosario takes down a pot with a three-six spades)
      Michael: I've got a very good read on you. You have aces.
      Rosario: I have issues?

    • (after the commercial break)
      Dave: Welcome back to the Palms in Las Vegas although I should point out to you that you're not actually here. You're just watching this on television. I say that because a lot of our viewers are schizophrenic.

    • Michael: (to topless male waiter) If I wanted a lap dance... I'm just saying if I wanted a lap dance, how much...
      Male Waiter: (handing Michael his drink) Tell know what, you're a little hot so here's something to cool off.

    • Audience Member: (as Dule was deciding on whether to call) Throw it away.
      Dule: (looking at audience member) Just 'cause you said that.
      Robert: Dule folds.

    • Rosario: (to Dule) I can feel you staring at me, dude. Damn strong.

    • (on taped interview)
      Maura: My level of expertise is very non-expert.

    • (on taped interview)
      Maura: I think there is beginner's luck 'cause of the looseness you have when you don't quite know what you're doing.

    • (on taped interview)
      Maura: (looking at her silver chip) Winner! It says winner. I'm a winner. Good to know. It's in print.

    • (on taped interview)
      Dule: There's a lot going on. Just mentally. Just thinking about the cards that are out there. And then what can win.

    • (after Phil notices Lauren's tell)
      Dave: Phil, who are you playing against out there? Are you playing against little pieces of cardboards?
      Phil: No.
      Dave: No, you're playing against...
      Phil: Human beings.

    • (after Dule re-raises against Lauren)
      Audience: All in! All in!
      Michael: (to Lauren) Don't listen to them. But do go all-in.
      Dule: Don't go all-in.
      Lauren: (pushes all her chips into the middle of the table) I'm all in. I'm all in.
      Dule: I'm going all-in too. Let's make it hot.

    • (after Dule goes all-in with Lauren)
      Phil: He has officially lost his mind.
      Dule: Do or die baby!

    • (going into commercial break)
      Dave: Lauren just went all-in and doubled up. The bad news is when we come back, somebody will go all-in and get knocked out. Which one of these champions will be going to the Losers' Lounge? I'll give you five guesses.

    • (after the commercial break)
      Dave: Hello and welcome back to the Palms in Las Vegas for more of this championship game and again, I caution our schizophrenic viewers we are not transporting you with some space-time beam. You're just watching us on TV. We are not the voices inside your head. Although the voices inside your head do want you to dance naked on the roof. Alright? Go!

    • (after Dule catches his needed card on the river to stay in the tournament)
      Phil: This is the land of the river.

    • Robert: Maura folds.
      Maura: Maura folds! Maura folds! Maura folds!

    • Audience Member: Dule!
      Dule: What should I do?
      Rosario: How does that feel when they just scream out your name like that in almost ecstasy.
      Michael: I'll tell you. It's wonderful.
      Rosario: Duuuule!
      Dule: Keep saying that. I like that.

    • (after Rosario calls Dule's all-in)
      Robert: Turn them over. Don't be bashful.

    • (on taped interview)
      Rosario: No one's gonna know what my strategy is 'cause it's all over the place. 'Cause I'm making it up as I go.

    • (on taped interview)
      Rosario: This is not a game of being gentle. This is like cutthroat.

    • (on taped interview)
      Lauren: The rumor on Dule Hill is that he has no idea what he is doing and that he bluffed a lot.

    • Dave: You're here for the long haul. 'Cause it looks bad if you leave part way through.
      Rosario: (jokingly) I'm leaving. That sucks!

    • (on a hand pot contested for by Dule and Lauren)
      Dule: (to Lauren) You took my money before. I want my money back.
      (after the hand which Lauren wins)
      Dule: (to Lauren) You keep taking my money!

    • Nicole: You guys are clearly better poker players than in the first round. Let's just pump up the funny. Come on! Come on!

    • Michael: (with Nicole teasing him) As if I needed more bad luck. The woman who busted me out of Celebrity Poker Showdown and... (looking at her low-cut blouse) is busting out of Celebrity Poker Showdown again.

    • (after Nicole called them on being too serious)
      Lauren: We had a visit from the comedy police.
      Michael: Yes, we did. And they were not happy, were they?

    • Michael: (looking at another bad hand) I wonder if I can win this thing by just always folding.
      Lauren: Can you?
      Michael: I think maybe I can. I'm gonna fold.
      Lauren: That was hilarious!
      Michael: Thank you, comedy friend.

    • (after a card favoring Maura came on the turn and no card came for Dule, who needed a heart on the river)
      Phil: No heart. Dule is sucked out on the turn.
      Audience: Dule! Dule! Dule!
      Phil: Dule Hill who had a fantastic performance is joining us here in the Losers' Lounge. Unlucky there. Wow!

    • Dave: Poker, like life, is unjust.
      Rosario: That's a very pessimistic view about life.
      Dave: Guess what, there's no God in poker either, people. It's an empty soul-less universe filled with nothing but cold and pain.
      Rosario: (to Dule) Let's not talk to him anymore.

    • Rosario: That's messed up. Did I not flirt with you enough?
      Phil: Not quite. You can never flirt with me enough.
      Dave: No one's flirting with me so we're going to commercial.

    • Dave: It's painful isn't it?
      Rosario: Being in the Losers' Lounge with you? No, it's all good. I just wanted to give you better company...
      Dave: You are so sweet.
      Rosario: ...besides Phil who is going to be real mean to us.
      Dule: Don't diss me Phil. I'm telling you.
      Rosario: I'm telling you, Phil. I'll find out where you live.
      Phil: I'll tell you where I live.

    • Michael: Not only am I going all-in. I am invoking the greatest juju known to mankind. And that is the juju of David Copperfield.
      Phil: Oh out comes David Copperfield.
      Dave: Oh you know he's serious.

    • Michael: (to Maura) I'll tell you right now, in my preliminary match with Norm MacDonald, David Copperfield never once let me down. I will give you one opportunity to retract your bet. (after waiting) That moment has passed.

    • (after Michael spit at and threw away David Copperfield's picture)
      Dave: It's so sad to see man lose faith in his god.

    • Michael: (walking towards the Losers' Lounge) This is the worst moment of my entire life. Worse than when my parents got divorced. Worse than when I found out my mother was gay Worse than when I flunked out of high school.

    • Dave: It's sad to see you lose the game but it's even sadder to see you lose your faith in a higher power. To see a man... his religion taken down in front of him tonight.
      Michael: I have faith in so little in this world. And for the illusionist David Copperfield to let me down in the manner that he did was both disheartening and may drive me to suicide.

    • Phil: You're still a freakin' loser.
      Michael: In the end, here I am.
      Dave: You're all equals in failure.

    • Dave: I'm not a man who gets excited easily. You know that, Maura.
      Maura: I do know that.
      Dave: You know that too, Lauren. Remember? We've all worked together. And I've got my two favorites out here head-to-head which does not necessarily mean that the fame is rigged. Does it, Charlie? Hmmmm... you could be gotten rid of.

    • Maura: (to Lauren) We are the same player. It's ridiculous. It's freaking me out.

    • Lauren: Are you done raising?
      Maura: Yeah.
      Lauren: I'm going all-in, y'all!

    • Dave: (after Maura won for her charity, The Children's Aid Society) You've got a hundred thousand dollars, to help stop teenagers from having sex.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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