Celebrity Poker Showdown

Season 3 Episode 2

Tournament 3 Game 2

Aired Tuesday 8:00 PM Jul 15, 2004 on Bravo
out of 10
User Rating
11 votes

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Episode Summary

Tournament 3 Game 2
Angie Dickinson, Penn Jillette, Kathy Griffin, Jeff Gordon, and Ron Livingston play in tonight's tournament.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (12)

    • QUOTES (54)

      • Dave: Welcome to the Celebrity Poker Showdown, the game show that lets you know what famous people look like when they lose.

      • after introducing Angie Dickinson
        Dave: Ahh! Sometimes we really do mean celebrity.

      • Kathy: Hi Dave, how are you?
        Dave: Very well. Very well.
        Kathy: I enjoy your quips and witticisms.
        Dave: Why, thank you!

      • Dave: As you know, one of you will be lucky enough to win today the coveted silver chip, which I'll display now majestically or would be majestic if it were slightly larger.

      • Dave: Hello again. Please help me welcome the brains of this outfit, poker expert Phil Gordon.
        Phil: Thanks Dave, pleasure to be here. Is it time for the chip count yet?
        Dave: Not the chip count yet. Slow down. Slow down, big fella. There ain't no chip count so far. There could be but it's 10,000 each.

      • Dave: (on the Losers' Lounge) It's a really nice place when you get here. It's comfy. You can drink. You can eat. You can watch TV. And you can start to trash-talk all the players that were better than you but are defenseless against your wit once you're back here.

      • Kathy: This is a real hand, right? 'Cause it's weird. My name starts with a "K" and I have two "K"'s. (looking at a Jack-six off-suit) Is that a tell? (doing air quotes on "tell") Is that like a "tell"?

      • Phil: (on Ron Livingston who appeared on Season One of "CPS") I expect him to have learned quite a bit from that last show and come out and play very good poker here.
        Dave: Or at least be considerably more bitter this time around.

      • (after Penn wins the first pot and celebrates)
        Phil: It is nice to win the first pot of the tournament though.
        Dave: It's a good feeling.
        Phil: Can't win 'em all if you don't win the first one.
        Dave: It's better to win the last one though.

      • (on taped interview)
        Penn: If I win, this money will go directly to stomping out people who believe in luck and wanna play poker.

      • (on taped interview)
        Penn: I think luck is probability taken personally. I don't believe in any sort of luck.

      • (on taped interview)
        Penn: When I was a child, I probably played, at 15 or 16, strip poker. But it wasn't actually a game but just an excuse to have sex.

      • (after Jeff plays a Jack-six suited)
        Phil: I have no idea why... his wanting to play this hand.
        Dave: Even I don't know. Even I would fold that. And I'm an idiot.

      • Robert: Penn's gonna raise.
        Penn: Get this table goin' 200 miles an hour. Six hundred, Skippy.

      • Penn: I'm gonna put it five oranges.
        Robert: Penn bets five hundred.
        Angie: I call you.
        Penn: You fool! You fool! Rock!

      • (after a two of spades comes on the turn)
        Penn: (holding a Queen and an Ace) Just what I needed. Just what I was hoping for! Yes! My luck is astonishing!

      • Penn: Could I please go to the Losers' Lounge? I've never had a drink in my life. I need to start.

      • Dave: Well, already poker has brought Penn Jillette to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And now we're bringing him to my lord and savior, a bottle of whiskey.

      • (after Angie bets $100)
        Phil: (off-stage) That bet's a little bit too small.
        Kathy: I'll call the hundred.
        Robert: Kathy calls.
        Kathy: Yeah, that's right!
        Phil: A hundred's not enough to force someone to make a critical decision.
        Dave: No, if even a tight-wad like Kathy can call it.

      • Kathy: I'm gonna have to check.
        Robert: You could fold, call the 300, or raise.
        Kathy: That doesn't seem fair at all.

      • (on taped interview)
        Jeff: I like to make money. In poker, it's all about making money and taking everybody else's cash.

      • (on taped interview)
        Jeff: It's a lot like racing. If you're not there at the finish, you're not gonna have a chance at winning.

      • (on taped interview)
        Jeff: It's all about being able to bluff. It's all about being able to take the pots away from everybody else. It's all about being the last man standing. Or woman. My case, man.

      • Penn: Go get 'em! He's a big bully! He's stupid! Go get 'em!
        Kathy: You're talking about yourself.
        Penn: Yeah, I know.

      • Kathy: Well, I mean I don't play very much. I don't play very often. So I'm gonna have to raise you 1500, [bleep].

      • (after re-raising against Kathy)
        Penn: (to Kathy) 'Cause I think you're going after me just 'cause I'm an asshole. And that's my strongest card.

      • (all directed at Kathy who is deciding on the hand)
        Penn: There's no shame in folding. There's no shame in folding. No shame.
        Jeff: There's no shame in great cards, either.
        Ron: Are you gonna take that from him?

      • Kathy: People can go all-in this early, right? Wouldn't that be...
        Penn: Oh, sure you can. All the cool kids do it. Let's go all-in and have a cigarette.
        Kathy: OK, I'll call.w

      • (on taped interview)
        Kathy: I'm inherently competitive. I do play poker. I play online all the time for fake money.

      • (on taped interview)
        Angie: I'm competitive when it comes to my money. I play the game to play the game. I don't play to kill but I enjoy the game too much that I stay in the game too much. Therefore, I lose a lot.

      • Kathy: How can you actually get a one and a one? Those are low cards people.
        Dave: (off-stage) Kathy explains her joke to the crowd and folds.

      • Angie: (to Penn, before betting) Who loves you baby?

      • (after Penn goes all-in against Angie who had similar cards as him)
        Phil: That's a very good play by Penn. Angie folds. She's throwing it away.
        Dave: And the lesson for the kids: "Aggression will win out."

      • (after Ron gets pocket tens)
        Ron: I'm gonna raise.
        Robert: Ron is raising.
        Kathy: Ron hasn't risen in a while.
        Ron: I thought what happens here stays here?

      • (after Ron bet 2,000 and as Jeff folds)
        Phil: (off-stage) Jeff can't call 2,000 more. Hes gonna fold and Ron takes down the pot. (to Dave) It's almost like they can here me.
        Dave: It is. But they can't. We are in a soundproof booth. In fact, I can't hear Phil.

      • (on taped interview)
        Ron: My goal for this evening is I'm gonna try to make Penn Jillette disappear.

      • Penn: (folding an eight and a four) Huh! Suited fours.

      • Jeff: Is there something funny?
        Penn: (bleeping the F word) I wouldn't [bleep] with you, Jeff.
        Angie: I would.
        Jeff: I'm blushing. I'm blushing.

      • (on taped interview)
        Angie: Oh, Jeff is an actor. Don't kid yourself. I met him. He's an actor. He just drives but he's an actor. Jeff better get his race car gone because I'm gonna beat him. He better be in neutral for awhile. I'm gonna get him. He's so cute.

      • Angie: It's worth 2,000 just to see that river card.
        Penn: You can just give to me and I'll tell you... I mean if I knew.

      • (on taped interview)
        Kathy: I know Phil Gordon and he know he's my bitch.

      • (on taped interview)
        Kathy: When I lose, I'm bitter. I'm telling you right now, I'm gonna cry. I'm an over-eater loser. I'm just gonna binge. I'm gonna go to the buffet and make them close the door.

      • (after Angie bets all-in against Ron)
        Angie: (to Ron) Wanna go the Losers' Lounge with me?

      • (All night, Penn was shouting "[opponent's name] goes all-in!")
        Penn: Angie goes all-in!
        Robert: No, he bets 600.

      • (All night, Penn was shouting "[opponent's name] goes all-in!")
        Penn: Penn Jillette goes all-in!
        Phil: (off-stage) Penn Jillette goes all-in.
        Jeff: I'm all in. Whatever it's gonna take.
        Robert: You're all in?
        Jeff: Yes.
        Robert: Penn goes all-in for 6600 total...

      • (after Ron just calls pre-flop against the big blind)
        Phil: I know I've said it a hundred times on this show, but I just can't help it. If he would've raised there, he would've taken the pot right away.

      • Phil: You don't have to have big cards in this game if you have big balls.
        Dave: Or the phrase, "You don't need the cards if you have the courage."
        Phil: That's exactly right.
        Dave: Your next book.

      • (after an eight comes on the river)
        Phil: (as Jeff, who has a pair of fours, reaches for his chips) Is Jeff gonna bet here? Wow.
        Dave: I believe so. Perhaps he believes an eight gives him four fours.
        Phil: Maybe.

      • (going into commercial break)
        Jeff: Jeff Gordon is in the driver's seat and he's flooring it around this green oval, chasing that prize pool. (referring to Ron, Kathy, and Angie) One of these three other drivers is gonna try to pass him. Will they end up in the wall? Find out after this pit stop.

      • (after Penn breaks a part of the hanging lamp when he shouted "Jeff Gordon goes all the way!")
        Dave: (to Penn) You're too big to be enthusiastic.

      • Dave: So why don't we at this point take a look at how the chips are spread. Which sounds awfully dirty when I think about it.

      • Ron: Been nice talking to you, Angie.
        Angie: I don't know. You've bounced back and forth so much. So I expect you to stay. No offense to the race car driver.

      • Dave: Losers, we're gonna have to go back to the table for heads-up action between Jeff Gordon and Angie Dickinson. And I'm gonna say, I'm not gonna say who, but one of the two of them I masturbated thinking about when I was a teenager.
        Penn: Me too.
        Kathy: Take a number. Take a number.
        Penn: He's a great driver.
        Dave: He is. Oh, I gave it away!

      • (after placing 2nd in the tournament)
        Angie: Not all blondes are dumb.

    • NOTES (0)

    • ALLUSIONS (2)

      • (going into commercial break)
        Dave: Find out if they can break his chip-leading spell when the magical world of poker reappears.

        Dave was alluding to a 1988 TV Special called The Magical World of Disney.

      • Dave: You know, we're on Bravo. Angie Dickinson. Solid. Diva. Movie star. Whoever puts her out is gonna get jumped by the Fab Five and beaten to an inch of their life tonight.

        The Fab Five are the hosts of another Bravo show Queer Eye.