Celebrity Poker Showdown

Season 4 Episode 1

Tournament 4 Game 1

Aired Tuesday 8:00 PM Oct 10, 2004 on Bravo



  • Trivia

    • Match Results:
      1st Place - Matthew Perry
      2nd Place - Michael Vartan
      3rd Place - Sarah Silverman
      4th Place - Christopher Meloni
      5th Place - Stephen Root

    • Celebrity Charity List:
      Stephen Root - Corazon de Vida Foundation
      Christopher Meloni - The MS Society
      Matthew Perry - The Lili Claire Foundation
      Sarah Silverman - Habitat for Humanity
      Michael Vartan - St. Jude Children's Research Hospital

    • How Would You Play It: The viewers played with Christopher Meloni's Jack-eight off-suit.

    • Even before the tournament ended, Phil Gordon and the other celebrities who lost, went to the table to rub the felt before heads-up play between Michael Vartan and Matthew Perry, who instituted the "rubbing of the felt" on the show. They did it again after Matthew Perry was declared the winner.

    • It was the first time in the show's history that Tournament Director Robert Thompson let the audience announce the phrase "Shuffle Up and Deal". It was before the heads-up play between Michael Vartan and Matthew Perry.

    • Phil: And Christopher Meloni is bringing up the rear with 3400. He better start laying down the law and order or he's gonna be our next special victim in the Losers' Lounge.

      Christopher Meloni is part of the regular cast of the NBC crime drama Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: I just met Christopher Meloni up in makeup. He didn't have anything to wear so they had some clothes left-over from Kevin Pollak's wardrobe and he slipped into some of that stuff.

      Kevin Pollak was the host of CPS for the entire first season.

    • Instructional Film "Director": Abel Gance

    • What Beats What "Director": Pedro Almodovar

    • Lounge Girl: Tammy

    • Phil Gordon's pick to win is Matthew Perry.

    • Dave Foley's pick to win is Stephen Root.

    • Christopher Meloni wore a Popeye Doyle hat, a shirt with card suits printed on it, and sunglasses.

    • All during the game, Matthew Perry instituted a good luck rubbing of the table felt every seven minutes. Sarah Silverman did one better during her last hand, actually crawling onto the table between the turn and the river, leaving the dealer no option but to turn the river over and place it on the small of her back. Later in the Losers Lounge Phil Gordon remarked "I was a little disappointed (in her playing style), but I'll never think of the river quite the same way again."

  • Quotes

    • (on the hand where Stephen got eliminated)
      Phil: I'm going to call that a creative play.
      Dave: A creative play indeed.

    • Dave: We're gonna go back out to the table and that pack of wild dogs that took you down, Stephen.
      Stephen: They did. That's OK. I don't mind. Where's my drink!?
      Dave: That's what's angrying.
      Stephen: That's what's making me angry.

    • (on the "How Would You Play It" hand)
      Phil: If you guys folded before the flop, on the turn or, after the flop, you guys lost a lot less money than Christopher Meloni.
      Dave: And losing less is the next best thing to winning.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: Let me tell you something about Matthew Perry. Matthew Perry is a God-damned pusfy! Next.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: Michael Vartan is from Alias. He was in makeup for about three hours.So that's where his mind is at.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: This is the thing. I am pretty. I have a sexiness. I have an animal... animal-ness. I... I'm part-monkey.

    • Chris: Matthew's good. I didn't have enough money and enough time to study Matthew.
      Stephen: I hate him.
      Dave: Oh, I'm on your side.

    • Dave: Why fight Matt all day when now, you can fight a disease.
      Stephen: Please. Let Matt win.
      Dave: 'Cause he's not harming anyone really. Not the way Multiple Sclerosis does.

    • (after Matthew got ten-three of hearts)
      Phil: And even though their suited, this hand is not worth playing. Matthew correctly folds.
      Dave: 'Cause you're gonna have suited crap.

    • Audience Member: All you girl!
      Matthew: (mocking the audience) All you girl!

    • Michael: Rub the felt, boy. Sorry, that felt weird.
      Matthew: That's OK for you to say.

    • Phil: Can you guys sense the strength and the weakness? When you can sense that weakness, you gotta go for the jugular and just put a lot of pressure by making a big bet.
      Dave: Much like a pack of wolves would do.

    • Audience Member: All-in!
      Michael: Every time, all-in.
      Matthew: Every time, this man. I just think you're talking to your girlfriend.

    • Dave: Welcome back to the Palms in Las Vegas. We've lost two so far. Stephen: (sitting with Chris at the Losers' Lounge) Thank you.
      Dave: They're not exactly lost. They're here. They're with us. They're safe. Tell their families they're fine.
      Stephen: We're fine.

    • Matthew: (pushing his chips away so the camera can see his cards) Can the camera see...
      Sarah: Oh, I have so many chips, the camera can't see.

    • Sarah: If you're not raisin', get out! That's what I'd say.

    • Audience Member: Matthew, do what you want! Do what you want!
      Matthew: OK. (folding his cards) I'm gonna let these guys play. I have the best cards, but I just want to let them play.

    • Audience Member: All-in!
      Matthew: Stop talking to your girlfriend.

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: Sarah has no skill when it comes to poker. She told me herself. Her mind is somewhere else right now, and she will not fare very long in this tournament.

    • (after Matthew flopped a pair)
      Matthew: Two thousand.
      Sarah: Take it, mother[bleep]!

    • (on taped interview)
      Matthew: I'm a very good winner. Mediocre loser. But a very good winner.

    • (on taped interview)
      Matthew: Well, he's on that show Alias where they stop crime. Boy oh boy oh boy, he's a handsome man.

    • (on taped interview)
      Matthew: If I ended up at the final table head-to-head against someone, I guess probably I'd pick Grimace. He seems to be the nicest of all the McDonald land characters.

    • (after Sarah declared she wishes to see the flop and just called)
      Dave: He's got the Ace-six. But he knows Sarah wants to see the flop. It would be rude if he raised.
      Phil: Rude or a good play.

    • Phil: (on Matthew) You can see the wheels spinning in there. He's like, "Oh my God, I finally figured out how to play this game", you know.

    • Sarah: I'm gonna check.
      Michael: That might have been one of the greatest plays of all-time.
      Matthew: That might be an elaborate elaborate bluff.

    • (going into commercial break)
      Dave: Speaking of pouncing on it, when we come back, Sarah moves all-in and then does things to the table that we can barely show on cable. Will the table still respect her in the morning? There's only one way to find out.

    • (after Sarah folds)
      Sarah: My spirit's broken. I can't help it.

    • Sarah: I have unwanted hair.
      Matthew: Where is your hair that you don't want?
      Audience Member: Show us! Show us!
      Sarah: I'd just probably say where it isn't. My face. The bottom of my feet. The palms of my hand. The back of my knees.
      Matthew: Would you just say that just a little bit slower?

    • Audience Member: Rub the felt!
      Another Audience Member: Rub your felt.

    • Robert: Big hand for Sarah!
      Sarah: (refusing to get off the table) No!
      Matthew: I don't want you to leave.
      Robert: Security!

    • Sarah: It's hard 'cause I didn't wanna climb on the table. I mean I didn't have time to think about it. Because really, I go on instinct.
      Dave: And once you started, you had to go all the way.
      Sarah: It's hard because it's a full body thing. It's difficult for me because I hate my thighs. Which sucks because I love my vagina.
      Stephen: So do we.

    • Dave: You're still getting 5,000 for your charity Habitat for Humanity.
      Sarah: Who cares!?

    • Michael: I do not have the nuts. Do you have the nuts?

    • Dave: Let's review the chip count, shall we Phil?
      Phil: As soon as I get that image of Sarah climbing on that table, I'd be able to read it.
      Dave: Well, I'll meet you here in six months then.

    • Michael: (on Matthew, during head-to-head) He won't even touch his purple chips. It's humiliating.

    • Michael: I'm at a crossroads.
      Matthew: Interesting.
      Michael: Yes, it is very interesting.

    • Audience Member: Let's rub Sarah!
      Matthew: Yeah, let's rub Sarah!

    • Audience Member: Put him all-in!
      Matthew: I have a dilemma!

    • Dave: You haven't played here before.
      Stephen: I've played with myself.

    • Sarah: What's the minimum?
      Robert: Two hundred.
      Sarah: 'Cause I wanna do more.

    • (on taped interview)
      Stephen: I think it would really hard for them to read me, 'cause I have a beard.

    • (on taped interview)
      Stephen: I have such a crush for Sarah Silverman. I'll crawl over cracked glass for her.

    • (on taped interview)
      Stephen: Matthew Perry is a friend. I'm almost certain I'll beat him senseless into a pulp.

    • (on taped interview)
      Chris: I think Stephen's gonna be a problem. Because he's such a nice guy. I'm not gonna slide one chip his way. I'm sorry, Stephen.

    • (on taped interview)
      Matthew: I've played a lot of games on my own, like in my bedroom that had a really big great ending.

    • (on taped interview)
      Matthew: I'd usually play poker and watch soft-core porn. And now, I just play poker.

    • (on taped interview)
      Matthew: Christopher Meloni. Oooh yeah. He has one of those little poker shirts. I think it's really cute. Maybe after, we could get together and watch a Tobey Maguire film and make love. Well, he's a well-rounded actor. And an incredible lover. Unbelievable.

    • Matthew: Guys wanna take a second to caress the felt. Come on.
      Michael: That was strange.
      Matthew: Every seven minutes.
      Michael: Every seven minutes?
      Matthew: Every seven minutes, we gotta do that. Can we get a clock on that?

    • Phil: This is a new Sarah Silverman. She is being very aggressive here. And, Dave, I think aggression is the key to winning in this game.
      Dave: It's also key in divorce negotiations.

    • Female Audience Member: Come on, Chris!
      Chris: Quiet, mom.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: From the last time I played until now, I've been training about six hours a day. With a trainor. Russian trainor. And I've had many injuries that I had to overcome. I developed at eating disorder. And I stopped menstruating. So I've become really really ready to play.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: I'll probably start kinda tight. Kinda close to the vest. But that's not how you can win so eventually I'm gonna have to grow some balls. And put them on the table.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: When you play monopoly with your little sister, do you go easy on her? No, you flip the board over.

    • (on taped interview)
      Sarah: I'm gonna cry. I'll claw. I'll do whatever I have to do. But will I go below the belt? Absolutely not.

    • Dave: Welcome back to the Palms in Las Vegas for more Celebrity Poker Showdown where all you need is a chip and a chair, and an agent, a manager, a PR person, a nanny, and a dog walker.

    • Matthew: You meant to bet five hundred, didn't you?
      Sarah: (doing a different voice) I don't know. I don't know.

    • Sarah: Hey, where's my money?
      Matthew: You'll get it back, woman.
      Michael: You'll get it back. Jesus!

    • (after the flop of eight of hearts, nine of diamonds, and four of diamonds)
      Sarah: What do you have that that flop is so great?
      Michael: A lot better than that.

    • Michael: I will check to you, powerhouse.
      Sarah: I'll check.
      Michael: Oh, how nice.
      Sarah: Friendly game.
      Michael: Friendly game.
      Sarah: For charity.

    • (after Michael gave a tell that he had a weak hand)
      Phil: Sarah had him right where she wanted him after she smelled the weakness, but she did not follow through.
      Dave: You're saying if you smell blood, why not taste blood.

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: I did not become a degenerate gambler until I was in my early 20's.

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: The fact that you can see the players' whole cards has changed everything.

    • (on taped interview)
      Michael: If I'm chatty, I'd probably have really good cards. And if I get really really quiet, it's probably because I got no good cards.

    • Phil: Stephen Root, coming into the Losers' Lounge. That was a creative effort by Stephen. But not rewarded.
      Dave: Well, the good news is now we get to reminisce. We get to spend some time.

    • Dave Foley: Micheal Vartan of Alias has a 3-2 which he quickly folds. Sarah Silverman of Entourage also folds. Steven Root, star of Dodgeball, folds as well. Chris Meloni of Law & Order: SVU has a 7-8 of diamonds. Matthew Perry, an unemployed actor, calls.

      (This show was taped just after Friends ended production)

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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