Celebrity Poker Showdown

Season 5 Episode 6

Tournament 5 Championship Game

Aired Tuesday 8:00 PM Mar 01, 2005 on Bravo



  • Trivia

    • Championship Charity Payouts:
      - The Oakwood Capital Building Fund - $7,500
      - American Sickle Cell Anemia Association - $10,000
      - The Arthritis Foundation - $12,500
      - The Salvation Army - $20,000
      - The Dream Foundation - $100,000

    • Match Results:
      1st Place - Brad Garrett
      2nd Place - Colin Quinn
      3rd Place - Bonnie Hunt
      4th Place - Malcolm-Jamal Warner
      5th Place - Jason Alexander

    • Celebrity Charity List:
      Jason Alexander - The Oakwood Capital Building Fund
      Colin Quinn - The Salvation Army
      Malcolm-Jamal Warner - American Sickle Cell Anemia Association
      Brad Garrett - The Dream Foundation
      Bonnie Hunt - The Arthritis Foundation

    • Lounge Girl: Tammy

    • Dave Foley's pick to win is Jason Alexander.

    • Ray Romano makes a surprise appearance to give Brad the "lucky" Yankees cap Brad wore on their game.

    • Phil Gordon's pick to win is Malcolm-Jamal Warner.

  • Quotes

    • (after introducing all of the players who were all comedians)
      Dave: This is almost like a sitcom retirement home right here.

    • Dave: We gotta remind the folks at home that what we play here is No Limit Texas Hold 'Em, which is a game that I do not understand at all, to the great frustration of Phil Gordon.

    • Brad: (picking up Phil's book) Excuse me, but I have to refer to the Phil Gordon manual. When playing with a black person and a Jew. I read the book, but the movie was so much better.

    • Bonnie: I'll raise.
      Robert: Bonnie's going to bet.
      Bonnie: That's good, right? Robert, do I need more?
      Robert: Huh?
      Bonnie: Are you still with the production?
      Robert: No, I'm here. I'm here.

    • Brad: We call him the King of the Obvious. (pretending to hold a mic) "Everyone has cards. Malcolm's got jewelry."
      Robert: It's Captain Obvious please.

    • Dave: Welcome back to the Palms in Las Vegas, Nevada. The Palms where the border between barely legal and retirement age touches.

    • (on taped interview)
      Colin: (on his preliminary game) I'm kept calling everybody. He had two cards. It can't be that good.

    • (after Colin checked)
      Bonnie: (to Malcolm) Don't look at me sweetheart. I'm out.

    • (on a hand where Malcolm had trips sixes)
      Phil: Check for Malcolm. I would've bet a bunch of money there on the river. Why didn't he bet, Dave?
      Dave: I don't know.
      Phil: Ask him.
      Dave: I'm busy right now.

    • Dave: I'm Dave Foley and I'm here with my co-host Phil Gordon. He doesn't have to be here. He's here because he loves you.
      Phil: Actually I'm here because I love you.
      Dave: Awww Thank you, Phil. This is what the American public voted against. This beautiful love.

    • Phil: Brad did his best to bluff Colin out on the turn but you can't bluff someone that's unbluffable.
      Dave: A fish gotta swim. Colin gotta call.

    • Brad: I wanna see what Phil Gordon says about keeping a ten and three. (reads from book) For the [bleep] that keeps a ten and three... page 121! (shows the page to everyone)

    • (on taped interview)
      Brad: I go with my hunches. Remember if it's shiny and fuzzy, i like to hold 'em.

    • (after Brad folded another unplayable pair of cards)
      Brad: Can't get a hand! Cannot get a hand! I want another dealer.

    • (after Malcolm flopped another trips sixes)
      Dave: If he keeps on flopping trips sixes, he's gonna lose the religious right.

    • (after Jason got eliminated first)
      Dave: I marked him for doom.
      Phil: Oh yeah, he was your pick.

    • (after Colin caught a full house on the river and went all-in against Malcolm)
      Brad: (to Malcolm who was chewing on a toothpick) You want another toothpick?

    • (after Colin caught a full house on the river and Malcolm called his all-in bet)
      Phil: Wow, Colin went all the way to the river and he drowned Malcolm.

    • Phil: Colin's gonna be tough to beat from here. He has a lot of chips. He's not afraid to play. None of the other players can hurt him. He's got so many chips.
      Dave: And they can't make him sadder than he is.

    • (on taped interview)
      Bonnie: (on her win in the preliminary round) I am a storyteller by profession. So I tried to make some risky bets to try to tell the story better.

    • Bonnie: Hey Brad, watch it. Your giant hand is blocking my shot.
      Brad: "Your giant hand is blocking my shot." That's why I got out of porn.

    • (after getting ten-three)
      Brad: This is unbelievable. What did we ever do to ya'? Anything?

    • Robert: Brad checks. We have a family pot. All four players.

    • (when Malcolm was entering the Losers' Lounge)
      Dave: Hi, Phil's pick to win!
      Malcolm: You guys shouldn't pick people.
      Dave: Have you met Dave's pick to win?

    • Ray: (to Brad) Somebody named Bubbles called. She left her leg brace in the room.

    • (on a hand against Brad and Colin)
      Bonnie: I have to take something off if I lose right?

    • (after Brad made a straight on the river and went all-in)
      Phil: It's gonna be tough for Colin not to pay this off too.
      Dave: 'Cause Colin likes callin'.
      Phil: Colin folds the top pair. What's the world coming to?

    • Brad: Here's a tip. If you're big blind and you don't have to fold, don't throw your cards away. I'm Phil Gordon and I'll see your next week on "I love me".

    • Brad: Yeah, George Bush can't find a seven-foot Arab on dialysis in a cave.

    • Brad: I'm small blind?
      Bonnie: And I'm a dumb blonde.

    • Brad: (to Jennifer, who was wearing a gold skimpy outfit) By the way, I loved you in Goldfinger!

    • (on taped interview)
      Bonnie: I'm only a poker player today. There's some skill involved, mostly flirting.

    • (on taped interview)
      Bonnie: Colin Quinn is a caller. He calls all the time, if you know what I'm saying. I changed my number three times.

    • Bonnie: (referring to Jennifer) I need the money 'cause I don't look like that waitress.

    • (after Colin calls with a six-four suited)
      Robert: No surprise here. Colin is calling.

    • Brad: Both of ya' hold the six-ten and I'm throwing out the nuts!
      Bonnie: That's only when you dance crazy.

    • (on taped interview)
      Colin: I wanna win. Nobody remembers second place.

    • (after Bonnie got eliminated)
      Bonnie: I would've loved to have won, not for myself but for my ego.

    • Bonnie: Malcolm, remember when you refused to take your wedding ring off on "Cosby"?
      Brad: (Imitating Bill Cosby) Yes, I remember that, when Theo had the ring and, and HAAAAA!

    • Jason: (to Malcolm about being the second losing) Hey, think of it this way. You take the money from my show and the money from your show, we have more money than all those others at the table combine.

    • Jason: (to Malcolm before heading to the Loser's Lounge) Keep our pride, buddy. Keep our pride.

    • Brad: Sweaty like Boy Georgee eating a corn dog.

    • Ray: (to Brad before he leaves) By the way, we cut you out off the script this week. So don't be in a hurry.

  • Notes

  • Allusions

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