John: Yeah, yeah, I am nervous. I feel like I'm being accused of something I didn't do, you know? I mean, I'm not here to be defensive. I'm not here to make excuses. I'm here to make things better. But I didn't do nuthin'.
Lily: This isn't about blame, John.
Dr. Foster: Lily, remember, in here, you're a patient. This isn't about blame, John.
Dr. Foster: Well, I'll just get my notes, and we'll get started.
John: You got notes? Whoa, you got a whole book on me?
Dr. Foster: It's interesting you would ask that.
John: Don't write that down. Come on, it was a joke. I didn't even know we were on the clock yet.
Dr. Foster: John, I want all my clients to feel this is a safe place to talk about your feelings and let out your emotions.
John: In my world, they call that a bar.
John: Well, gee-whiz, I mean, I thought we always had a great relationship.
John: I--I want us to have a great relationship.
Lily: Oh, me, too.
John: Well, what do I have to do for us to have a great relationship?
Lily: Come to therapy with me.
John: How about a good relationship?
Lily: I am so sorry that I got upset and I left you there with Ted last night.
John: It's okay. It's been so long since I've broken up with a man.
Lily: I have tried so hard to like him, but he just doesn't... excite me.
John: Believe me, nobody wants to say this to their own sister... but are you sure you're just not afraid of having s--sex.
Lily: Afraid? I am dying to have sex. There are people I would do it with that would shock you, John.
Kate: Well, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It just--it makes me crazy. You guys think that if a woman doesn't jump in bed on the third date that there's something wrong.
John: No, I just want her to be happy.
Kate: I know.
John: And I don't know how long Ted's going to have to date the three of us.
Kate: Well, that's kind of up to Lily. We just go to the B.B. King concert with them and let nature take its course.
John: All right, but no matter how much I like the guy, I don't want to be the first one to put out.
Tommy: Hey, John. That cute little temp with the peanut allergy--she's back to regular size, right?
Tommy: I got two floor seats to the Bulls-Lakers game burning a hole in my pocket.
Victor: Bulls-Lakers! I can't believe it. This is so cool! I'm shaking. I'm actually shaking.
Tommy: I know, I know. So, here's the question.
Tommy: Should I take Britney or Vanessa?
Victor: What about me?
Tommy: Well, you can't invite them. You don't have the tickets--I do.
Ted: Kate, thank you so much for having us over. You really made me feel at home.
Kate: Oh, you're welcome. I remember the night John brought me home to meet the family. It was the first night I drank hard liquor.
Marge: Oh, they're here! Turn the TV off!
John: Can't I just turn the sound down?
Marge: What's the matter with you? Do you not understand what's happening here? This is your sister's last chance for happiness. If this one doesn't work out, she's going to die alone.
Tommy: Oh, my God, Ma, you made baklava.
Art: You usually don't make that unless somebody dies.
Marge: Touch it, someone will.
Terry Rhoads is credited as playing Dr. Foster, but no character name is ever given on-screen.
Six degrees of separation: Melinda McGraw and guest star Terry Rhoads appeared together in the 1998 FOX sitcom Living in Captivity. Writer Alan Kirschenbaum produced the show which aired after it, Getting Personal.
Originally scheduled to air on December 1, 2004.
CBS' promos attempted to pass this off as a Christmas episode. It isn't a Christmas episode. They didn't make a Christmas episode.
Kate: Oh, I don't know. When did Loggins and Messina break up?
Kenny Loggins and Jim Messina, a pop-rock duo who had a string of hits in the mid-'70s (the biggest of which was "Your Mama Don't Dance"), broke up around 1977, after which both went solo.
Lily: In that case, why don't you guys come with us to see B.B. King on Thursday night?
Widely recognized as the king of blues, B.B. King's guitar work is an obvious inspiration for the blues music that Rick Marotta writes for the show.