Center of the Universe

Season 1 Episode 1


Aired Wednesday 9:30 PM Oct 27, 2004 on CBS
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Thanks to the relatives, John's and Kate's attempt to renew their wedding vows does not go over as smoothly as planned.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

      • After Art and Marge come in from the front door and Art says, "Hey, hey, relax, the dog was inside," there's a hint of Marge's hand closing the door, followed by the sound of the door closing. The next camera take is on Marge, standing in front of an open door.

    • QUOTES (14)

      • John: You know what I keep thinking of? Last week, I ran into Ken Wilson. You remember Kenny Wilson? He used to live down the block. He tells me he hasn't spoken to his family in over two years. And I thought, how sad... that your family can somehow stop being part of your life... Then again, I understood. Loving your family can be hard work. Years-off-your-life hard work. But, Katie, you make it easy. Every day I wake up next to you is a good day. You're my refuge. You're my smile. You're my secret hiding place.
        Art: Who's he hiding from?

      • Art: You know, when your mother and I were first married, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. But now, heh. Those pills made me feel like I was 30 again.
        John: Well, maybe Mom doesn't want a 30-year-old. She seems pretty happy with her 70-year-old.
        Art: Maybe I'll take half a pill and act 50.

      • Lily: (crying) Oh, John. I'm so sorry. I'm--I'm ruining your party. But my life is such a mess.
        John: Lil, whatever it is you're going through... can you go through it later?

      • John: Hey, buddy. Nice kilt.
        Miles: Thanks. I felt it was appropriate for the best man to go with the dress tartan.
        John: And you are my best man.
        Kate: And, apparently, my maid of honor.

      • John: They're all out of their minds. You know how they say every family has at least one chucklehead? There's four families walking around out there scott-free.

      • Marge: The doctor says his little wonder pills are 80% caffeine. The only thing new about your father is that he's awake past 9:30 for the first time in years!
        John: Guys, I'm begging you.
        Art: Let me tell you something, Maggie. There are plenty of women out there who'd be thrilled and delighted to take a tumble with a man like me.
        Marge: You're 70 years old. One more tumble and you'll break a hip.

      • Lily: Oh, Kate, John, everything looks beautiful. Hey, John, in case you're wondering. My date was a no-show. But I'm not taking it personally. Oh, look, liquor.

      • Lily: So, um, how come you wanted me to leave Saturday open?
        John: Oh... Kate and I are renewing our wedding vows.
        Lily: That's great! You're... So, you're already married, and... now you're gonna get... more married.
        John: Is this going to be a problem for you?
        Lily: No! I'm fine! Don't worry about me! If I've learned anything as a therapist, it's that to be alone is not to be lonely. No, I don't need a man to validate me... or to touch me... or to... not have sex with me for the last 23 months.

      • Lily: Wow! I cannot believe my big brother's been married for 20 years. You know, Gary and I, we would've been married for... 17 years this April. You know, if I hadn't caught him nailing my swim instructor. But, happy ending -- they're gettin' married!

      • John: Tommy. Where have you been?
        Tommy: Oh, I swung by the Delta Gamma sorority house. Everything checked out just fine.
        John: Tommy, we don't handle their security.
        Tommy: Well, somebody should, 'cuz you can walk right up to the window.

      • Art: Sonny. 20 years of marriage. Speaking from personal experience, I'm guessing that occasionally you might have a little problem down at the mill.
        John: I hope to God I don't know what you're talking about.
        Art: So here's a little anniversary gift that might come in handy. They're a sexual supplement from Malaysia. I bought 'em from my gardener. He was a nurse in his country.
        John: Dad, you can't--do you even know what these are?
        Art: How would I know? It's written in Malaysian.
        John: There's a monkey on the bottle!
        Art: That's not just any monkey, son. That's a happy monkey!

      • Tommy: I just stopped by to refuel. I'm training for a charity bike ride.
        Marge: Oh, good for you, sweetheart. Which one?
        Tommy: You know the woman I'm seeing who has a brother who's a little retarded? I'm guessing it's for him.

      • Marge: So, why did you call us? What's the big news?
        John: Well, I wanted to tell both of you. Where's Dad?
        Marge: Well, we wanted to buy you flowers for your anniversary, but nothing was open, so he's next door picking your neighbors'.

      • John: Nice blazer. Are you taking the yacht to school today?
        Miles: No.
        John: Are you going to show a few houses after school?
        Miles: I was on the internet the other day, and I discovered that we're descendants of Scottish royalty.
        John: The internet, huh. (to Kate) Why can't he just download porn like other kids?

    • NOTES (7)

      • Jean Smart also played a character named "Kate" in the film Bringing Down The House.

      • The pilot was shot on film. When the show went to series, production was switched to digital video.

      • Two characters referred to but not seen here, Lily's ex-husband, Gary, and John's and Kate's oldest son, Kevin, first appear in "The Lake House" and "Good Parent, Bad Parent," respectively.

      • Clips from the pilot were featured on The Late Show with David Letterman on September 28, 2004, Live with Regis and Kelly on September 29, 2004, Jimmy Kimmel Live on October 4, 2004 and The Early Show on October 20, 2004, all with guest John Goodman. A two-and-a-half minute clip compilation was featured in CBS' fall preview show, which was first broadcast on September 8, 2004 (and previously viewable on the CBS website), and was hosted by the stars of Eric and Kim Tannenbaum's other CBS series, Two and a Half Men.

      • A final draft of the script had Mitchel Katlin's name credited before Nat Bernstein's for their co-writer credits, but the billing was reversed in the on-screen titles -- which contradicts with the billing of their creator credits.

      • The family surname, Barnett, was originally announced as Pressman in press releases.

      • The series was originally slated to premiere on September 22, 2004... and then September 29, 2004... and then October 6, 2004... and then October 20, 2004.

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Tommy: Say, you having Kate wearing her hair like Mom now? Calling Dr. Freud.
        Sigmund Freud, the psychologist who championed the Oedipal Complex -- boys who are sexually attracted to their mothers.