Center of the Universe

Marge: Kate, if you didn't want to come with me, you didn't have to lie. Lily: Wait, wait, wait. You invited her first? Marge: Well, what's the difference, sweetheart? Lily: Well, you said you just got the idea this morning. Marge: Yes. The idea to invite you!

John: Because Mom asked me to keep it discreet to protect his pride. Tommy: All right. It's weird, huh? It's almost like we have to become the parents to our parents. We're the mature ones... All right, I'm gonna go make number one and then Dad and I'll hit the road.

Tommy: You're putting him in my car now? John: Tommy... Tommy: It's not fair. If he's allowed in my car, then I'm allowed to touch his desk. John: Who said you can't touch his desk? Tommy: He did... but I touch it anyway. He's not my boss... is he?

John: Victor? What's going on? Victor: Your father just fired me. Tommy: Dad fired Victor? How come I didn't get to fire Victor?

Tommy: Why does Dad get to call a meeting? I never get to call a meeting. John: Tommy, don't worry. It's nothing. Tommy: Now you say that John, but first the desk and now this. I'm starting to get the feeling that, with Dad around, I'm one step further away from eventually running this place. John: Tommy, trust me, you're no further away from running this place than you ever were.

Tommy: Hey, you didn't tell me Dad was gonna get a desk. I don't have a desk. John: Well, you got a patrol car. Dad doesn't have a patrol car. Tommy: That's true. Car's way cooler than a desk, right? John: Way. Plus, your car has a roll bar. If Dad flips that desk, he's a goner.

Art: Hey, just in time for lunch. John: A-ha. Art: Make me a sandwich.

John: All right, Ma, I'll talk to him. Marge: Thank you, dear, but don't tell him I talked to you. Oh, he's such a proud man. John: I know. Kate: W-w-wait, so we're not supposed to tell Art or Lily or Tommy. Is that the whole list? I'm sorry, but it just seems like every week there's some secret we're not telling somebody in this family. Marge: If you only knew.