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Chris: Hey Tanisha, it was good seeing you.
Darius: "Good seeing you?" Good seeing you? That's my girl, nigga! I keep it real!
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(Darius' grandmother catches him masturbating in the bathroom)
Darius: Granny, don't!
Darius' Grandma: Well, hurry the h** up, Darius! Unlike you, I'm getting a little action tonight, you punk b****.
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Dave Chappelle: There's times to be real, and there's times to be phony. That's right, I said it, phony! You think I'm this nice in real life? Fuck that, son! That's just 'cause I'm on TV. I'd pull my balls out right now... skeet skeet skeet skeet!
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Sleazy Internet Guy: Hey buddy, I can make your penis large and fat.
Dave: No thanks.
Guy: It's all natural my friend - he's a doctor.
New guy: I'm a doctor.
Dave: You a doctor?
Doctor: @### yeah!!!!
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Ron : Are you sure you don't want to see me have sex?
Dave: No, that's it.I'm done.Enough with the porn!!!!
Guy: Want to see naked pictures of Halle Barry from Swordfish?
Dave: Of course I do!!!
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Debe Consolidation Guy And Dave: Debt Consolidation!
Dave: (punches him) uh, how's that?
Gambling Guy: Gambling.
Dave: (punches him) Aah! SPAM BUSTERS BITCH!
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Ron Jeremy: You want to see me have sex?
Dave: No, I'm cool
Ron Jeremy: You want to see Paris Hilton have sex with her boyfriend?
Dave: Yes I would.