Charmed

Paige (disguised as a demon, trying to get into the demonic market): I am a dissatisfied customer. (She shows the guard a knife.) I bought this athame here at the market. It's supposed to flame. It doesn't. I paid a pretty penny for it too. And for what? It almost got me killed trying to steal the Charmed Ones' baby. You know what I got for my efforts? A nice little blanket. Mm, sweet. Oh, and the Hawker who hired me? He got eighty-sixed, so I didn't even get a pay day. Guard: Who are you? Paige: I told you, I'm a dissatisfied customer. (She stabs the other guard with the athame, vanquishing him.) See? No flame.

Paige: Wiccan rituals and fairy guards notwithstanding, I think it's time we bust out some serious ammo. Piper: As in...? Paige: As in a good old-fashioned demon hunt. I say we bypass the Hawker and go for the jerk that hired him to steal the baby in the first place. Leo: How? Paige: Not so sure just yet, but I will say this. Once we find him, we use him to send a message, "If you come after this baby you will die in the cruelest manner possible."

Paige: Well, the neighbors who don't already think we're crazy now officially do.

Piper (about Phoebe): Oh, she's just excited. Leo: Excited, obsessed. Piper: Why, because she wants to watch her nephew sleep? Leo: No, because yesterday she was giving you breast feeding advice, and now she wants maternity leave. Piper: Well, she knows a lot about breasts. And she's an aunt, that's what they do. Family, you know. Leo: Okay, well, how is mommy doing? Piper: Mommy's tired. And happy.

Piper: I don't have the luxury of being careful now that half of Demonville is after our child.

Piper: Magical goods? My baby is a magical good? That is just sick and twisted.

Piper: The demons saw the forcefield, they're gonna try and find a way around it. Paige: Well unless they can get up to Elderland, he's gonna be fine.

Phoebe (to the baby): Ooh, I could smush you! I could just smush your little face... Paige: Is that his new name, Smush Face Halliwell?

Piper: Even if he can handle the demons, he must sense the tension, which means at the very best we end up with a neurotic infant. Leo: Look on the bright side... growing up with your sisters, he was bound to be neurotic anyway.

Leo: How'd it go with the new boss? Phoebe: Oh, Jason Dean? I want to bear his children, but that's besides the point.

Piper: You want me to leave my newborn baby? I mean, he's just so hard to leave. (Phoebe is hugging baby Wyatt) Just so hard to make Phoebe leave.

Phoebe: Oh, I could eat you! Yes, I could! Yes, I could. Piper: Pheebs, after the demonic Parasites that did actually kinda wanna eat him, not so cute. Phoebe: Gotcha. Ooh, I could smush you! Ooh, I could just smush your little face! Piper: Much better. Paige: Is that his new name? Smush Face Halliwell? Leo: It's about as good as everything else we've come up with. Phoebe: No new ideas, huh? Piper: Actually- Leo: Uh, no. You know, we've been so busy with the alarm and the demon fighting and the sister saving. Paige: I'm sorry. Piper: Oh, don't be sorry, Paige. You were brave and you inspired me to fight and you made the world a safer place for our baby. Which is why I would like to give the baby the middle name of Matthew, in honor of his super protective Aunt Paige. Phoebe: I think that's a great idea. Piper: (to Leo) What do you think? Leo: Yeah. Paige: Thanks. Piper: And I also have an idea for his first name, Wyatt. In honor of his very protective daddy. Leo: Really? Well, it doesn't start with a P. Piper: Ah, so we break the tradition. Phoebe: (Phoebe picks up Wyatt.) Why don't we ask him? Wy- That's probably your job. (Hands Wyatt to Piper.) Piper: Wyatt Matthew Halliwell. Is that your name? What do you think? It's a good one.